League News

Captain Steve ‘The AARP Dog’ Linke and ‘Red-DIt-Dit-Di-Doo’ have done their namesake proud, and worked their way up to ‘ranking number two’ in the office through name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. It was another big win for Red in Week Eight…their fourth, and while the standings may also show two ‘losses’, I think it’s important to note that they don’t lose games…they win them…or they quit them because they are unfair…

Captain Mark Nagy & ‘The Money Beets’ finally uprooted a win in Week Seven, plucking their way past Grey 2-1 to prove they still have a heartbeat in their playoff chest. While Nagy’s crop remains planted below the cut line, they hope to finally grow up and out of the discard dirt starting with this Sunday’s showdown with ‘Threat Level Midnight’…

Captain Rob Gaudio’s ‘Threat Level Midnight’ secured their second win of the season, besting Brown 6-3 to move above the cut line with four games remaining on their schedule. The threat of missing the playoffs is still very real for Black, and a (fitting) faceoff with Gold(en Face) this Sunday will either tick them closer to a second season stamp, or tock them back down into CriManSqua territory…

Captain Luke Wolmer’s ‘Kelly Kapoorsports’ did their namesake proud in a B-A-N-A-N-A-S 1-0 triumph over the previously unbeaten ‘Orange Vod-Juice-Ka’. Green actually outshot Orange 25-6 (!) in a furious, but ultimately only BARELY fruitful effort, thanks almost entirely to the otherworldly play of a one Mr. Matt ‘Man Possessed’ Henderson. Wolmer’s crew have (fittingly) split their wins and loss evenly thus far at 2-2-0, but will look to continue their upset uprising in a Week Six throwdown with the only remaining undefeated team in the league, Blue…

Captain Joel Gattey’s ‘DWhite Schrutes & Scores’ took a page from their namesake, and treated their 0-2-0 with the critical urgency that it deserves. After all, while it is technically ‘still early’, any one game can be the difference between in or out, come playoff time. That is particularly true when you are facing off against your standings neighbors, whichever rung of the ladder you may find yourself on. A big 1-0 win over a desperate Purple side proved that White is not taking anyone lightly, and is definitely not messing around when it comes to their playoff safety…