Squidward & Upward

Captain Kalen Hunter’s ‘Squidward Kalenmari, Inc.’ remained undefeated through three weeks of playoff play, and as there are no ties in playoff hockey, that can only mean that the terrific two seeds are on to the Wing League 2026 Final. Pat Gladstone paced the 3-1 win over their rivals, earning Black a bye, while Red, Pink, and Sand engage in a ménage de la mort this Sunday to produce one final challenger…

Week Three playoff action kicked off with the first of two elimination games, as Captain Darin Cerasuolo’s Pink squared off against Captain Nick Vacchio’s Gold. A 3-0 Week Eight win over Pink actually served as a major stepping stone to playoff safety for Gold, but the absence of key Pink personnel in that regular season meeting (Chris Tran, Shelby Shattuck, and Captain Cerasuolo himself) was enough of an ‘asterisk’ to dismiss any real or perceived advantage for Vacchio’s underseeds in the playoff rematch. My personal betting brain had Pink as three goal favorites in this one, but an impressive Gold effort cost me that wager (I’ll make rent somehow) and made for a very tight tussle to open the slate. A scoreless first echoed into a scoreless second, and the near-level shot counts (13-12, in Pink’s favor) further supported the sense that this game was up for grabs heading into the third. Gold outshot Pink 6-3 in that final frame, but only one shot counted for either side…Chris Tran’s first of the playoffs with 7:07 to play (Captain Cerasuolo & Tony Thinh). John Kushneryk (15/16) probably saw more ‘quality chances’ than his counterpart, Chuck Bender (18/18), but none of that nuance makes the box score, which would clearly register a 1-0 win for Pink. Vacchio & Company’s Cup run was ultimately (and unsurprisingly) undone by a lack of scoring — Gold finished second to last with just twenty tallies through the regular season (Blue last with nineteen), then performed a playoff encore of just two goals in the two games coming into their fated (rotten) goose egg ending. The win, however ‘unconvincing’, moves Pink on to the Losers’ Bracket Final this Sunday. Spoiler alert…they will hope to dispatch Red, then slip past Sand to earn a seat in the Final on May 3rd. The bad news for Pink…they are 0-4 against the other three teams still alive in the playoff race (credit to Anthony Cerasuolo for this little gem).

The only non-elimination game of the evening was up next, with Captain Nick Meglich’s #1 Sand facing off against Captain Kalen’s #2 Black. A meeting of the top two seeds in the Winners’ Bracket Final is, of course, expected most seasons, but seemed particularly fated this time around. The teams tied 1-1 back in Week Four, and while Sand captured the higher seed by virtue of the ‘number of wins’ tie breaker, Black remained the only team to boast a completely clean L column, coming in. So…two heavyweights…back in the ring…no option to tie…winner earns a Week Four bye and advances to the Final…loser must earn one more win to earn a chance at redemption/revenge. Sand leveraged their seeding advantage to ensure that Alex Giummo would be able to play, hoping to prevent a complete mismatch with Tim and Trevor Vick already scheduled to miss. Captain Kalen was a casualty of this scheduling circumstance, and with Austin Szymanski also unexpectedly out for Black, the sense was that at least some semblance of balance was restored for this encore encounter. Josh Tran kept his piping hot playoff play sizzling, wristing the game’s first goal home from range to put Black on top first at 8:01 in the first (John Kushneryk). With neither of The Vick Boys™ to account for, Black kept their focus firmly fixed on stopping Giummo, but as everyone who has tried to stop him knows, this is perhaps the most obvious case of ‘easier said than done’ in the history of history. Giummo registered more evidence to that adage, swooping into the attacking zone, shedding a defender, then chopping broccoli in the slot and making Sean Kelly look like a dizzy bear on roller skates to even the score at ones with just 0:14 to go to the first break. A scoreless second saw Black survive any further Giummo gymnastics, and the playoff rematch marched on about as expected, 1-1 through two. Enter Pat Gladstone…our newly-crowned POTW, tucking a rebound past Meglich to recapture the lead for Black at 8:41 (Mark DeGraffenreid and Tran), then collecting the primary on DeGraffenreid’s wrap around insurance strike at 5:09 (Kushneryk with the secondary). The wave of relief that washed over Black’s bench was nearly palpable, but the tide quickly ebbed, replaced by the fear that Giummo would be dialed up all the more for the final five minutes of play. Incredibly enough, Sand mustered just two shots through the entire third period, and by ‘incredibly enough’, I mean ‘owing to some very intense and effective defensive play from the likes of Kushneryk, Arnold Gonzales, and Kevin Hunter’. Kelly (13/14) & Company would wrap the 3-1 win, vaulting themselves into the Final, and securing an important bye week this Sunday (Captain Kalen would have missed that game, as well). Sand remain very much alive (and now all the more determined, no doubt) as they gear up to face the winner of Red v Pink this Sunday. A win against the tired team that comes out of that first game will set up an epic finale, but no one should be counting out an upset that would see a new challenger enter the ring in the final week of playoff play.

Elimination (avoidance, thereof) was the motivation once again in the late game, with Captain William Teglia’s #4 Teal taking on Captain Josh Wirt’s #8 Red. The Week Seven regular season meeting ended in a 1-1 tie, but this was the infamous ‘Tucson Tournament’ Sunday, which saw meant no Eli Schonbrun for Red, and no Kyle Snyder and Chris Fiore for Teal. With all players present and accounted for on both sides, one might assume that Teal would be favored in the playoff rematch, but Red’s late season playoff push, and strong showing in their opening playoff loss to Sand (5-4, without Joe Malki/Jason Remple) had Vegas posting this line as ‘even’. Whether or not Red were ‘underdogs’ or not, they were on top early in this one, with Steve Goncalo’s second of the playoffs coming at 7:47 (Emily Bennington & Bryan Ossa). Shawna Hamon doubled Red’s edge at 1:47 in the first (Jason Remple), making both of Red’s two shots in the period count! Yes, Teal outshot Red 6-2 in the first, then 9-1 in the second (!), but Don Tran was a man with a plan, and that plan (apparently) did not include allowing any goals in this game. The shout count evened at four a side in the third, but once again, only Red shots found a nest in the nets. Captain Wirt provided some extra breathing room with his third of the playoffs at 5:24 (Schonbrun), then added an unassisted empty-netter at 0:31 to pound the final nail in Teal’s playoff coffin and seal the 4-0 win for Red. Tran’s novel ‘no goal’ plan was executed to 19/19 perfection, earning him first star of the game honors, and further fueling the surge of swagger and confidence that the Cinderella bottom seeds have been enjoying over the past month or so. The 3/6 line looks rough for Teal’s Jon Cima, but you can’t win a playoff hockey game 0-0, so this result should be more about a cap tip to Tran’s play and Red’s resolve as a team than anything else. Teal become the fourth playoff victim, joining Gold, Blue, and Purple, while Red move on to face Pink this Sunday. The winner of this ‘Valentines In April’ matchup will have just a few minutes to catch their breath and wipe their brows before jumping back on the court to face Sand.