Our cover team hit the court first in Week Six, hoping to parlay the momentum of a 7-0 beatdown of a barely-there Teal into back-to-back wins, and a bit more security in the top half of the standings. I want to give Brown some credit for being a good, solid team, but wins over two winless/woeful sides (Pink and Teal), and a loss to Olive in their only challenging challenge coming in had me (and any rational pundit) reserving judgment. While not a completely skeletal crew, Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s Gold was certainly missing some key pieces (most notably, Ty Pereira and Alan Razoky), providing another break for Brown’s perfect attendance posse to exploit. A scoreless first ground past, but Brown remained on the front foot, already leveraging the manpower advantage to a 12-3 edge in shots. That shooting edge was sharpened to razor quality in the second, with Brown producing TWENTY-ONE (!) salvos to another mere trio of Gold offerings. One of those Brown shots finally found a home behind an out-of-his-fucking-mind-feeling-it super sub, Nick Meglich, with Zach Salt tucking home his own rebound on a nifty fast break play facilitated by Mark DeGraffenreid and Robert Pietropaula. There is no doubt that Meglich was the best player in this game, keeping a team that was outshot 33-6 through two very much alive going into the final ten minutes of play. Andy Strathman brushed home a backhand at close range to give Brown some breathing room (from Tony Thinh) at 6:32 in the third, but it still felt at that point like Gold could make their way back. It was a (very) rare Strathman error that made it feel even more like a Gold shocker was in the making, with the stalwart defender fumbling a ball away to Brennan Abel, who made no mistake with the unexpected gift. Cory Brin (12/13) and Brown would hold on, though, surviving the late scare and a for-the-ages 41/43 Meglich performance to cash in the 2-1 win and improve to 3-1. The loss drops Gold to 1-2-0, smack in the middle of the cut line quagmire (giggity) with an important showdown with Grey looming this Sunday.

A catastrophic dearth of personnel sank Teal to 0-3-0 in Week Five, and with Captain Leah Gonzales forced to transfer power to Zach Siemer after breaking her thumb, it was really beginning to look like Teal was cursed…or at least destined to fail. We may be reflecting on Week Six as the turning point in this sad Teal tale though, as the roster reappeared against a hit-or-miss Grey side, and brought the previously AWOL offense with it. Joe Malki soloed a strike at 6:46 in the first, then followed with a second at 1:29 (from Chris Malki and Luke Wolmer) to match Teal’s entire offensive output to that point in the season (!), and finally give the troubled side something to celebrate. Justin Ker opened the second with his first of the season to make it 3-0, and Chris Malki pumped the edge to four (from Wolmer and Elyse Shattuck) minutes later. Kyle Snyder finally produced an answer for Grey on the power play, but Trice Harvey restored the four goal edge for Teal (from Ker) less than thirty seconds later. A pair of goals within one minute of each other for Grey (Vance Morra from Eric Willard and Snyder, then Willard from Janice Darlington) had Grey back in the fray midway through the third, but Joe Malki would complete his hat trick with 3:12 remaining, sealing Grey’s fate 6-3, and securing Teal’s first win of the season. Chuck Bender (15/18) earned his first win of the season (for his actual team, anyway), while Ryan Loughran (18/24) suffered another sour sub stint, this time in lieu of Jon Cima. Now sitting at 1-2-1, Captain Chad Goins and Grey are only slightly safer than (new) Captain Zach Siemer’s 1-3-0 Teal. As the scheduling fates would have it, both teams faceoff against teams in similar predicaments this week, with Grey taking on 1-2-0 Gold, and Teal licking their newly-blood-stained chops over a date with 0-4-0 Pink. So, more ‘turning points’ in store this Sunday, that’s for sure…

Captain John Boddy’s Black rolled into Week Six undefeated, with the asterisk on that adjective being a lack of ‘convincing’, let alone ‘dominant’ wins. A 2-1 squeak past Teal (in which Black was outshot nearly 2:1), and a 1-1 tie with a tough Olive side had SDFHL pundits waiting for the other shoe to drop…that shoe being Captain Boddy’s proven penchant for punishing performances. The metaphorical footwear, while not quite as heavy as we have come to expect, did indeed drop on Captain Ryan Karns’ White, with Boddy’s 2 and 1 pacing his team to a big 6-1 Black win . Josh Wirt actually put White in front first, completing a connection from Carl Vankoughnett and Mark Nagy early in the second, but Boddy evened the score later in the frame (from Dan Jurgens Sadie Hellstrom). A rare (and timely) goal for Bao Nguyen put Black on top exactly thirty ticks later, and Geoff Downes (from Brendan Jew) completed a series of three goals in 1:14 to give Black a 3-1 lead going into the third. Boddy’s second of the game (Downes and Jurgens) sparked more scoring for Black in the late going, with Hellstrom converting on the powerplay (Boddy and Jurgens), and a Jurgens solo effort serving as the the last line in a lopsided ledger. In spite of some struggles in the sub realm, Ryan Loughran (16/17) continued to sparkle for his actual team, pushing both his personal record and his team’s to 2-0-1 with the win. Black will put their undefeated record to the ultimate test in Week Seven against 4-0-0 Red, while White hope to rebound against 3-1-0 Brown.

Captain Janine Ulloa and Pink came into Week Six with an eerily similar back story to Teal, and certainly hoped to write an equally happy new chapter, now desperate for a win at 0-3-0, coming in. Ulloa…also injured and out indefinitely, could lend nothing beyond moral support to her squad as they faced off against a 1-0-1 Olive side (again the similarities between this and the game above are crazy). Outside of the injured Ulloa (for whom Pat Gladstone subbed), both rosters were fully represented, and the first two periods played out as a scoreless stalemate with similar shot totals. If you know your SDFHL history, you know that Silas ‘The Silencer’ Perks often needs just one goal to secure a win for his team, and unfortunately for Pink, that one goal came courtesy of a Jon Zygelman solo effort with 4:46 to play. Nick Vacchio (21/22) was valiant as ever, and very nearly matched Perks’ performance, but could only watch with dismay as an Aaron Cooney (welcome back!) unassisted empty-netter put Olive up 2-0 with 0:33 to play…and 2-0 it would stay. Perks (21/21), as almost always, was THE story in the win, keeping Olive undefeated in spite of rather meager scoring support from his mates to this point (five non-empty-net goals in three games). Captain Copp & Company will look to keep the loss column clean in an intriguing Week Seven matchup with Orange, while Pink face Teal in what has to be regarded as their last real hope to save their sinking season.

‘The J-Hole Express’ stayed on track in Week Six, but Captain Joel Gattey’s 4-0-0 freight train was very nearly derailed by a stingy Purple contingent. Captain Sev Brown’s ‘Plums’ handled their first two opponents of the season with relative ease, dispatching White 3-1, then Grey 5-1, but a Week Five 2-1 loss to Orange (thanks in large part to a monster Meglich effort) proved they were beatable. Of course, Red rolled in with no shortage of proof that they could win, and they had to have a growing sense that the SHOULD win every game. A scoreless first saw neither side realize many quality chances, with both Sean Kelly and Don Tran fitting their expected top tier goalie billing, but Alexis DaCosta finally broke through for Red in the second (from Captain Gattey and Jackson Tomaszewski) to put the pressure on a Jon-Salt-less Purple attack. The third period was merely a scoreless bookend for the lone goal second, meaning that DaCosta’s second of the season would be the only goal scored in a FIFAtacular 1-0 win for Red. Kelly (12/12) collected his fourth win of the season, and looks to be in cruise control so far this spring with a .944/1.00/1 SO line. Don Tran (9/10) suffered his second straight loss while facing less than a dozen shots in each…proof that scoring is usually more about quality than quantity of chances. Purple can rest, regroup, and enjoy a midseason bye week, while Red gear up to face one of only two other undefeated teams in Black this Sunday.

Captain Ryan Karns and ‘Wirt-Collar Crime’ bounced back from a 3-1 loss in their opener to trounce Orange 10-4 in Week Four. Sample size is everything, but expectations of at least a 5-6 goal output for White’s offense in a second spin for the VW Bus™ (Vankoughnett & Wirt) were simmering (if not bubbling to a boil) in the minds of Karns & Company coming into a game against a winless Grey side featuring one of the league’s most consistently statistically challenged goalies. Captain Chad Goins’ crew had faced the same two opponents as White coming in, having managed just a 3-3 tie with Orange, and having lost in similar fashion to powerhouse Purple. Notching that first win of the season is key to forming a competitive identity, and Grey seemed determined to do just that this time out. Rob LaVigne put Grey in front at 7:55 in the first (Captain Goins & Kyle Snyder), and Snyder doubled the lead at around the same time in the second (Vance Morra). The Bus™ finally made a drive-by appearance for White in the third, with Carl Vankoughnett cutting Grey’s lead in half at 6:39 (Josh Wirt & Mark Nagy), but our POTW, Janice ‘JD’ Darlington answered just thirty-three ticks later to restore the padding for Grey. Mark Nagy kept the game tense and tight to the bitter end, slapping home a Wirt draw win to push White back to within one. Jon Cima (21/23) said (with his play) ‘consistently statistically challenged, my ass!’, flexing his championship pedigree to stick the landing and secure the 3-2 win for Grey. Matt Henderson (16/19) and White dropped to 1-2-0 with the loss, keeping them cuddled up on the cut line, but also just one point behind the ‘main pack’ with lots of hockey left to play.

Nick Meglich is a bad, bad man. After missing the first two games as the last line of defense for Orange, Meglich returned to stop 31/32, drop Purple 2-1, and roll Orange to their first win of the season. Captain Sev Brown’s ‘Plums’ came in boasting two wins, and just two goals against, while Orange struggled through a 0-1-1 start, including a 10-4 drubbing at the hands of White that even quality subs Don Tran and Cory Brin couldn’t soften. Neither Meglich, nor Don Tran would yield in the first, and a solo effort from David Schlatter was all the scoring to be found in the second. Joe Nguyen made good on a powerplay midway through the third (Brusso), and the relentless Purple attack (the final shot totals were 32-11 in their favor) seemed to signal that it was just a matter of time before push came to shove with Purple prevailing. Schlatter proved that numbers do not always add up, snapping home the game-winner for Orange with 1:36 to play (Rob Gaudio & Mostafa Azab). The Megician™ definitely pulled an Orange win out of his hat in his return, moving his team into the safety of the pack of teams with three points through three weeks of play. It’s hard to say that Purple’s loss was a let down, or the result of a lacking of anything in particular, particularly given the shot counts. Sometimes you just have to tip your cap to an incredible performance and go get ’em next time. ‘Next time’ for Purple is red hot Red, the only team with a spotless record at 3-0-0. Orange take their two point coup into their bye week, and hope that The Megician™ has more up his sleeve in a Week Seven showdown with The Silencer™…

Schlatter and Meglich may have bucked the math trend in their game, but most times the numbers do add up. In Teal’s case, those numbers were 5, 0, and 0…five total position players, zero subs, and zero players picked in the first five rounds. Interim/possibly permanent new captain, Zach Siemer, was one of the five in the mix, along with Ian Crooks, Will Heinl, and two female subs (Kaela Martin and Emily Bennington). Captain Kyle Prior’s Brown, meanwhile…near perfect attendance, with only Chuck Russell missing in action as ‘No Shit, Sherlock’ looked to bounce back from a Week Four loss to Olive. The effort and the heart were certainly there for Teal, but it was clear from the opening drop that this one was going to go the way of the team with the subs and the scoring punch. Andy Strathman punched home his first goal of the season to get the ball rolling for Brown at 9:20 in the first (Jim Peters & Mark DeGraffenreid), then Maureen Ruchhoeft (Zach Salt & DeGraffenreid), and Shawna Hamon (Salt) clicked Brown into a comfortable lead heading into the second. New comer, Tony Thinh, made his first contribution to his foster team (from Ruchhoeft & DeGraffenreid), then Salt converted another Ruchhoeft feed into pay dirt, and DeGraffenreid finished a two on none breakaway, tucking home Salt’s sauce to make it 6-0 going into the second break. The third period was quite quiet, with just one goal recorded (DeGraffenreid finishing a breakaway chance created by a Thinh outlet), and this one would mercifully wrap…7-0, Brown over a barely-there Teal. Cory Brin (8/8) was tested once or twice, but faced little in the way of quality chances as the game wore on, as you would expect. Teal will need to fix their attendance issues ASAP if they have any hope of surviving. Siemer, Heinl, and Bender are the ONLY three Teal players to have played in all three games, thus far, and four players (including their injured captain, Leah Gonzales) have missed two of the three games out of the gate. Again, numbers usually add up, and a 60% attendance rate and two team goals in three games absolutely equals zero points in the standings.

The evening slate shifted back to proper parity in the penultimate pairing, with two 1-0-0 teams in the form of Black and Olive squaring off. Captain John Boddy was out of the lineup for Black, which is akin to ‘the engine is out of the car’, given the fear that his skills and stats strike in opponents. Still, plenty of pep and punch in the rest of that Black lineup, and they would need all of it to crack Silas ‘The Silencer’ Perks. Captain Jeremy Copp was FINALLY able to make his season debut after missing his team’s 4-2 win over Brown in Week Four, and Geoff Downes was out to spoil the party for the veteran bright and early. Downes (from Dan Jurgens & Mark Scelfo) buried a wrister over Perks’ shoulder from the point just eighteen seconds into play, stunning Olive and onlookers alike. The remainder of the first was scoreless, as was the second, and the clock seemed on Black’s side as it wound past the halfway point in the third. The clock may have been on Black’s side, but Shelby Shattuck wasn’t. She slipped home the game-tying marker with 3:31 left to play to save the day for her Olive, and move both teams to 1-0-1 with a 1-1 tie. Perks (18/19) was impressive as ever, shaking off the early strike to keep his team in position to pull points from there out, while Ryan Loughran (13/14) has only his 1.00 rookie campaign GAA, and a story about ‘almost outdueling The Silencer’ to comfort him in the sister kiss result. Both teams, of course, remain undefeated…now the only two teams outside of 3-0-0 Red who can still make that claim.

Captain Janine Ulloa finds herself in the same sinking boat this season as fellow captain, Leah Gonzales. Actually, both captains are watching their respective sinking boats from the shores of Injury Island, with Ulloa having suffered a rolled ankle, and Gonzales a busted thumb while doing…other things. With a combined record now of 0-6-0, something is going to have to change for these two teams to find themselves playing in July. It never goes well for a wounded animal who limps into the path of a apex predator, and that is the nutshell narrative for the nightcap, as Captain Joel Gattey’s ravenous Red made quick work of Ulloa’s prime pickings Pink. Nick Vacchio would normally be in nets for Pink, but with his two teams clashing, he doffed the goalie gear, donned the Red shirt, and co-starred in another episode of the Vick & Nick Show™ (at his other team’s expense). It was Tim Vick kicking off the scoring with an unassisted effort with just 0:27 to play in the first, then Captain Gattey at 4:35 in the second (from Vacchio), then a Vacchio solo strike less than a minute later to make it 3-0 Red through two. The third period belonged to the Vick boys, with Trevor rattling off a pair of goals (his FOURTH and FIFTH of the season!), then Papa Vick matching junior’s output with his second of the game (from Jackson Tomaszewski). Pink finally broke Sean Kelly’s shutout bid with 2:38 to play…Jim LaGrossa’s second of the season from Steph Palomo-Schmidt and Mason LaGrossa. Kelly (14/15) improved his gaudy numbers so far this season to 3-0-0/.932/1.33, while a tired and tried Ryan Loughran (15/21) was left spinning in his crease in vain in a fill-in effort at the other end. The 6-1 win for Red means that they have now collected every possible clue to this point, while Pink’s 0-3-0 start leaves them quite literally (and headline-appropriately) ‘clueless’. Both teams face a tough challenge in Week Six, with Pink facing off against undefeated Olive, and Red hoping to stay perfect in a showdown with a potent and peeved Purple.

Week Four (really ‘Week Two’…thanks, Mother Nature) opened with Captain Sev Brown and ‘Professor Salt’s Plums’ facing off against Captain Chad Goins’ as-yet-unnamed creation. It’s probably for the better that Grey is nameless, as namesake Jon Salt and Purple continued to kick ass and take names in their second outing of the season. Salt staked Purple to a lead with an unassisted strike at 2:10 in the first, then served up the primary assist on Joe Nguyen’s game-winner early in the second (second assist to Jason Northrup). Nguyen then returned the favor on Kaitlyn Brusso’s powerplay poke later in the period to plump Purple to a three goal lead going into the third. Salt’s second (and fifth of the young season) came at 5:53 in the final frame (from Steve Linke), and super sub, Pat Gladstone, got in on the act to make it 5-0 with 3:05 to play (from Tyler Winstead). If ever the term ‘too little, too late’ were applicable…Captain Goins finally struck back for Grey with ONE second left in the game (from Vance Morra and Rob LaVigne), which was really just an act of scuffing Don Tran’s shiny shutout shoes. Tran (13/14) may have lost the no-no in heartbreaking fashion, but he has allowed just one goal in each of this first two games, and appears to be in tip top form for a team that is hitting on all cylinders. Jon Cima (10/15) labored through his first loss of the season, but may take comfort in having one of the early season’s most potent offenses out of the way. The 5-1 win leaves Purple one of only two teams at 2-0-0, and they’ll look to improve that record against one of four winless teams (Orange) this Sunday.

The first two periods of the tilt between Orange and White were pretty standard fare. Carl Vankoughnett (from Josh Wirt) got White on the board at 6:50 in the first, Rob Gaudio (from Captain Bryan Ossa and David Schlatter) struck back at 0:46, and Vankoughnett restored White’s edge at 0:21 (from Mark Nagy and Wirt). Nagy grew White’s lead at 7:29 in the second (from Dinino), and Captain Ryan Karns made it 4-1 in his team’s favor going into the final period of play (from Pat Gladstone and Vankoughnett). So…five goals in two periods…nothing crazy…just your average SDFHL game…probably destined for something like a 5-2 final…NOPE. NINE more goals came crashing through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man on crack in the final frame, leaving the scorer hospitalized with (what we are told is) a terminal wrist sprain (RIP, LaVigne), and setting what absolutely has to be a never-to-be-beaten league record for downright offensive offensive onslaught. I don’t want to be buried with LaVigne, so I am going straight laundry list here, folks:

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Carl Vankoughnett and Ryan Karns)

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Arnold Gonzales)

ORANGE: David Schlatter (Weston Nawrocki and Rob Gaudio)

ORANGE: David Schlatter

WHITE: Kevin Dinino (Ramsey Ksar and Mark Nagy)

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Ryan Karns)

ORANGE: Erin Plone (David Schlatter and Rob Gaduio)

WHITE: Ramsey Ksar (Ryan Owen)

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Carl Vankoughnett)

Yeah…all of that happened…in one period. You may have also noted that Josh Wirt dropped FOUR goals on Orange in the climax of chaos, leading the chaotic charge for White is his season debut with a 4 and 2 effort. The 10-4 (good buddy) final, while surely a once in an eclipse year anomaly, may still send shivers down the spines of White’s future opponents. Vankoughnett’s 2 and 3 night has him in lock step with the leaders on the points board, and the ‘VW Bus’ of Vankoughnett/Wirt is clearly not something you want to stand in front of…

Captain Jeremy Copp’s ‘Olive Us Are Suspects’ made their VERY long awaited season debut following a rainout, rainout, bye week torture tease three week span. Captain Copp has actually STILL yet to play a game this season, as he was out of town while his mates faced off with Captain Kyle Prior’s Brown. Zach Salt had Brown out of the blocks first, converting a quick Mark DeGraffenreid dish into an even quicker shot to beat Silas ‘The Silencer’ Perks. Christopher Fiore (from Brandon Olsen) and Dan Soar (from Hima Joshi) turned Olive’s frown upside down in the second, but Salt (from a sweet Shawna Hamon feed) leveled things for Brown again with just 0:33 to play in the middle frame. It was more Fiore and Soar in the third, with Chris slapping home a long range game-winner (from Soar and Perks), and Soar adding empty net insurance and quelling a late Brown push. Perks (20/22) proved once again why he is the best in the business, but it was Fiore and Soar rightfully claiming two of three stars of the week in an impressive 4-2 Olive debut coup. Cory Brin (13/16) suffered the loss in his first action of the season…that is, if you don’t count the action he saw in relief of sub Don Tran for Orange in that 10-4 bloodbath. Brown will look to bounce back this week with the help of Tony Thinh, who is stepping in to replace the injured Ash Wadhwa for the remainder of the season.

Our cover team was up next, with Captain Joel Gattey’s ‘Murder On The J-Hole Express’ staying on track with another convincing early season win. Chris Malki actually put his team on the front foot first, but unfortunately for Captain Leah Gonzales & Company, it would be the first and only goal for Teal for the second straight week to start the season. Even more unfortunate for Gonzales…she broke her thumb in ‘the mistress league’, and may well be out for the season. I will let you all draw your own conclusions from that short story on what not to do if you want to enjoy a happy, healthy SDFHL season/career. Meanwhile, Trevor ‘F*CKING’ Vick…the force is strong with this one. The teenaged rookie sensation, who was born when most of us had long-since graduated college, was at it again for Red in his second career game. His first of the game evened the tide in the first (from Papa Tim Vick and Captain Gattey), and his solo effort second early in the second would hold up as the game-winner. He went on to add a second assist on Wendy Enright’s powerplay conversion late in the second (Papa Vick with the primary), and Nick Vacchio made sure things were well out of reach with his third of the season early in the third (from Alexis DaCosta and Jordan Pynn). Sean Kelly (25/26) rightfully commands a good deal of the credit for Red’s success, posting ho-hum heroic numbers again so far this season, but the ‘Vick & Nick’ attack is (or should be) an eyebrow raiser for all future opponents, as well. The 4-1 loss is more bad news for Teal, who now turn to surrogate skipper, Zach Siemer, to turn a winless season around. Worse news…Teal will barely have enough bodies to field a team against a bolstered. bloodthirsty Brown in Week Five…

The late game was the only nailbiter on offer in Week Four, as Pink and Gold battled it out under the lights to cap the night. Mason LaGrossa took the youth movement baton from Trevor Vick, slotting home his second of the season late in the first (from Josh Tran) to give Captain Janine Ulloa’s creation a leg up. Speaking of legs…Ulloa would injure hers (her ankle, specifically) in (take a wild stab…go on)…the mistress league (!), leaving her on the sidelines with fellow captain, Leah Gonzales, powerless to help her team with anything more than shouts of encouragement. Josh Tran cashed in early in the second to give Pink a 2-0 lead, but Gold would climb back into the fray as the clock wound down towards the second intermission. Brennan Abel (part of the OLD youth movement in our league) broke the scoring seal for Gold at 2:35 in the second (from Greg Francisco and Captain Jeannine Stuzka), and Wendy Enright (I feel like she played in every game, this week) drew Gold level with an unassisted super sub strike with just 0:16 in the period. It was Abel again with the game-winner (from Harsh Wanigaratne)…the lone goal for either team in a tight third to lead Gold to a 3-2 comeback win and even their record at 1-1-0. Speaking of playing multiple games, Sean Kelly (23/24) turned up in the three stars again in this one, sparkling in a sub role for Chris Tran. Nick Vacchio (23/26) dropped to 0-2-0 in nets for Pink, but can take solace in his steady contribution to Red’s 2-0-0 start.

Brown versus Pink…a quintessential tossup to FINALLY open the Spring 2024 season, after weeks of ill-timed precipitation (I blame Czar Carl) had us all murderous with anticipation and frustration. The ghost of President Pope was not only ‘there in spirit’, but also (somehow) a spirited factor in the opener for Kyle Prior’s ‘No Shit, Sherlock’, racking up three assists, including the primary on Zach Salt’s first in the first, and second (on the powerplay) in the second (second assist to newcomer, Rob Pietropaula). Salt would complete the hat trick early in the third (from Chuck Russell), and Russell would add insurance (from DeGraffenreid and newcomer, Jim Peters) to build Brown’s lead to 4-0. Pink (specifically, ‘The LaGrossa Boys’™) would not go down without a fight, though, as Mason converted a pass from Papa Jim to snap the shutout, then returned the favor in setting up his old man to cut the lead to two with 4:46 to play. Matt Henderson (23/25) would hold strong the rest of the way, though, securing the 4-2 win for Brown as a stand-in for Cory Brin. Nick Vacchio (22/26) absorbed the loss for Captain Janine Ulloa’s ‘…Pink Tranthers’, and The Butler™ has informed us that Brown picked up two clues in the exchange, to go with the two points in the standings.

The second game of the new season saw a second Salt hat trick leading a second two-goal winning effort. Captain Ryan Karns’ White actually made the first cut in this one, with…wait for it…the return of The Deputy™! Yes, Kevin Dinino is back in action, and his first of the season (from Carl Vankoughnett and Dorothy Kline) at 5:04 in the first gave White the early edge. It’s too late for a spoiler alert, but that edge would be knocked from White’s hands with Jon Salt’s first of the evening at 8:59 in the second (Joe Nguyen & Tyler Winstead), picked up and brandished by Salt with an unassisted effort early in the third, then used to complete the kill with the hat trick marker less than two minutes later (from Jason Northrup). Matt Henderson (16/19) suffered the cruel fate of winning when it doesn’t count (for surrogate, Brown), and losing when it does, while Don Tran’s 15/16 sparkler was the perfect compliment to Salt’s assault in the 3-1 Purple win. The Butler™ has once again confirmed that White let two clues slip to Purple in this exchange, putting ‘General Eggplant’ and his troops that much closer to solving this mystery…and maybe also getting away with the ‘procurement’ of that shiny Cup in the library everyone is so found of…

The creamy middle of the Week Three cookie was a delicious duel that would ultimately end in a 3-3 draw. Captain Chad Goins unveiled his new experimental prototype, ‘Kyle Snyder Forward X’, and Captain Bryan Ossa looked to counter with The Schlatter & Gaudio Show™. It was Captain Ossa himself putting Orange on the front foot at 6:07 in the first (from Erin Plone), but that shiny new offensive weapon, Snyder, struck back for Grey later in the period (from Eric Willard & Vance Morra). Willard ‘scored’ the only goal of the second period…a genuine own goal for Orange, with Willard cashing in a goal-by-proxy to give Grey their first lead of the game. Snyder would build that lead with his second strike early in the third (from Janice and Tom Darlington), but Rob Gaudio sliced Orange back to within one just over a minute later (from Gary Peters and David Schlatter). Just when it looked like the lopsided shot count (28 to 14 in Grey’s favor) and the clock would tick and tock Grey to a season opening win, it was Gaudio again (from Schlatter and Plone) to pull Orange back even with 2:02 to play, and 3-3 is where it would stay. Don Tran (25/28) was heroic in his fill-in effort in Nick Meglich’s stead, while Jon Cima (11/14) was solid in his first turn since capturing the Cup with Red last season, but ultimately saddled with a non-win in his Spring 2024 debut. The result allowed both teams to keep one of their original clues guarded, but also forced them to surrender one. Every clue will count when it is time to make an accusation…

Captain Joel Gattey followed in Captain Ossa’s footsteps, getting his team on the board first early in the second (from proud papa, Tim Vick). From there, the stories for Red were the triumphant return of Nick Vacchio (sans goalie gear), and the arrival of a young new talent, Trevor Vick. Vacchio notched his first of the game at 3:32 in the first (from Craig Russell), then assisted on Trevor Vick’s first career SDFHL goal at 2:10 in the second (CONGRATULATIONS, Trevor!). Brennan Abel had checked in on the scoring sheet earlier in the second to cut the lead to 2-1, but young Vick’s stick pushed the cushion back to two to close out the second. Vacchio fired home his second of the game at 6:11 in the third (from…yep…Trevor Vick) to push the gap to 4-1, and while Abel’s second came as a quick response, it would be the only response Gold would muster. Alexis DaCosta (from Wendy Enright and Russell) iced an already ready-to-eat cake, and a standard-issue-stellar Sean Kelly (16/18) blew out any remaining Gold candles to preserve the 5-2 win. Chuck Bender (12/17) had something of a rough outing as a sub for the ailing Chris Tran, and Gold let both of their starting clues slip into their rivals’ hands with the loss…

The nightcap brought another much-anticipate debut…Ryan Loughran in nets! It’s always exciting to have new goalies in the league, and perhaps even more exciting to see how to ‘converted floor player’ fares. ‘Quite well’ was the answer, in this case. Dan Jurgens got the scoring started for Black at 2:39 in the first (from Captain John Boddy and Geoff Downes), and that 1-0 lead would remain unchanged until the second half of the third period. In that span, Loughran had snuffed out all ~20 shots he had faced, and looked to be heading to not only his first career win, but his first career shutout. Captain Boddy ended the offensive drought at 3:53 in the third (from Jurgens and Sadie Hellstrom), but Joe Malki responded just fifteen seconds later to cut the lead back to one, and prove to his mates that Loughran is beatable. Unfortunately for Captain Leah Gonzales and Chuck Bender (11/13), that second Black goal would indeed hold up as the game-winner, 2-1 Black over Teal. So, Loughran did not post a clean slate, but his 23/24 was certainly an impressive first outing. With that, the first night of mixing and mingling around 4S Manor concluded, with Mr. ‘Doctor’ Black snatching two clues from the careless lips of Lady Tealsdale…plenty of sleuthing yet to be done!