League News

Murder One

Captain Joel Gattey’s ‘Murder On The J-Hole Express’ were the last Spring League 2024 team standing, bleeding out the clock after a single Nick Vacchio stab left the one seed for dead in the first game of the Final. It was the dramatic duel to the death you would expect from the two teams backed by the two undisputed giants of the SDFHL goalie ranks, and both teams were great, but there can ultimately be only one survivor, and this time the two seed was the one team who scored the one goal and won it all…

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Hush Hush

‘The Silencer’ is not just a silly/loose play on words nickname for the most dominant goalie the league has ever seen, but a fact…a warning…an accurate description of Silas Perks. Captain Copp’s Olive breezed through the regular season on his broad, unbending back, and after their first and only loss to Brown in Week Two of playoff play, Perks has pushed his team back to the Final with three straight wins, including a double-header-do-or-die deed this past Sunday. Olive was outshot 78-36 in that span, but lopsided numbers are just noise to Perks, and as we’ve established, he silences noise…

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On Track

I am recycling the cover photo from the second week of regular season play to commemorate the fact that Captain Joel Gattey’s ‘Murder On The J-Hole Express’ have rattled past ‘No Shit Sherlock’ station, and are chugging on to the Final stop. Red now enjoy a bye week, and await the survivor of a ménage à mort this Sunday (Olive v White, with the winner taking on Brown). It’s hard to derail the team that wins their way into the Final first, but the term ‘trainwreck’ exists for a reason…

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End Game

Well, it looks like the mystery of President Pope’s murder has all been wrapped up in a neat little package…case closed…nothing further to see here. If you missed the news, General Severus Eggplant and his Purple puzzlers snatched a White hot tip off the wire, and pinned the murder on Duchess Jeannine Gold-Diggerton. The Butler confirmed the Duchess did indeed do the deed, doing the President in with ‘repeated balls to the face’ until he succumbed to excessive cranial trauma and collapsed in the crease. The back-slappery in the 4S Manor ballroom was in full swing, with General Eggplant swigging champagne between boastful bursts about his incredible acumen and insight. Purple will have their party, as promised, but here’s what REALLY happened…

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