Murder By Numbers

Horrors abound, as two more bodies have been discovered in the dark corners of the 4S Manor grounds. First President Pope, then Duchess Jeannine Gold-Diggerton, and now Baron Bryan L’Orange and Princess Janine diRosa have all met their respective untimely demises at the hands of an assailant (or assailants) who remain at large. While the butler appears to have been cleared as a suspect by authorities, he does (somehow) seem to know more than an innocent man would, or should know. Whispers and hopeful hints are all those who remain alive have to go on, but the sense is that someone will crack this case very soon…or die trying.

Princess Janine diRosa reported several ‘attempts on her life’ over the course of her stay at 4S Manor, but fellow guests were dismissive of her colorful claims, and even authorities lost interest with what appeared to be the ramblings of a paranoid attention seeker. Among the more sensational stories…’ Detective Redman poisoned me, and locked me in the cellar in Week Five!’, ‘General Eggplant nearly bludgeoned me to death in Week Eight!’, and ‘Colonel Chadwick Grey stabbed me eight times with a steak knife in Week Nine!’. If you recall the story of ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’, you know that the boy (and all the sheep he tends) are ultimately eaten…by an actual wolf. diRosa & Company needed a win and help to live beyond their latest ‘brush with (playoff) death’, and Jim LaGrossa put them on top 1-0 at 8:35 in the first (Josh Tran), then plumped the lead to two at 7:04 (John Gamm). The ‘White Wolf’ was lurking, though, and the fangs flashed once (Josh Wirt from Dorothy Kline and Kerri Sevenbergen), then again (Mark Nagy from Carl Vankoughnett and Wirt) to erase the edge, and push Pink back to the brink. Vankoughnett added a solo strike at 4:24 to give White their first lead, and send ‘The Tranthers’ into a mad scramble for survival. Josh Tran (from John Gamm) equalized at 2:51, but the panicked Pink press would never find a game-winner, as super sub, Ryan Loughran (33/36) and White held on to preserve the 3-3 tie and send Princess diRosa to the makeshift manor morgue to join President Pope and Duchess Gold-Diggerton. Nick Vacchio (22/25) absorbed the last loss of a listless Pink campaign that seemed hopeless from the outset. It is unclear at this point how investigators intend to handle this gruesome twist. While it is clear that Reverend Ryan Blanco was the last to see diRosa alive, it is possible that her death was the result of aggregate trauma from a series of brutal attacks…perhaps ‘the boy’ was not ‘crying wolf’ after all…

Mister (‘Doctor’) John ‘Black Hat’ Boddy and his cohorts stayed (mostly) out of the shadows of suspicion amid the growing trend of (for lack of a better term) dead ends coming into the final week of the investigation into the murder of President Pope. While some reports had Black Hat ‘skulking about late at night’, and even ‘fleeing the scene of a vicious attack on Reverend Blanco’ in Week Six, the good ‘doctor’ managed to keep a very low profile from week to week, while at the same time maintaining a high position in the ‘body count standings’. Colonel Chadwick Grey and his cadre of cadets had a bit more (alleged) blood on their hands over the course of their stay coming into final Sunday ‘play’, having been accused by both Duchess Gold-Diggerton and Princess diRosa of violent attacks, and also having gotten the considerable better of Professor Kyle VonBraun just two weeks back. Both Black and Grey had no real fear of death upon meeting to ‘discuss things’ in the library Sunday night, and manor staff described the air in the room to be ‘full of laughter, cigar smoke, and mutual respect’. Kyle Snyder did get in a rather pointed jab at 6:50 in the first (Eric Willard), and Willard doubled down with a late second period diss (Janice Darlington), leaving Black searching for a witty retort as the ‘friendly meeting’ wound into the wee minutes. It’s worth noting the ‘Doctor’ Black himself was not in the room, and in fact, most of his entourage (Bao Nguyen, Dan Jurgens, Marc Lapointe, and Brendan Jew) had ‘retired early’ that night (if that is to be believed). Pat Gladstone did show up, and showed Grey that even a bit of Black still has bite, slapping Grey’s back in a ‘congratulatory gesture’ that staff later reported looked more like a ‘passive aggressive threat of things to come’ (from Geoff Downes). Ryan Loughran (21/23) was very solid as the last line of defense for a VERY thin pack, but Black would ultimately concede to Grey in this strange gentlepersons’ duel, 2-1. Jon Cima (12/13) collected his fourth win in eight tries, and while besting (a barely-there) Black may have boosted the bravado of Colonel & Company, it did nothing to improve their postseason position (fifth).

I am sure I am not the only one who finds it suspicious that Lady Leah Tealsdale has scarcely been seen since President Pope’s murder back in late March. I mean, how many mysteries introduce a character in the first few scenes, then write that character out long enough for you to forget about them, then…BAM…remember that sneaky looking lady from the arrival scene…SHE DID IT! The Lady herself was in attendance, fanning herself and sipping ‘just iced tea…definitely not Jagr and soda’ out on the North Lawn, with the best seat in the house for a ‘friendly’ croquet match between her Teal mates and the late Duchess Gold-Diggerton’s bereaved bunch. It may have been ‘just another croquet match to pass a late afternoon hour…without getting too sweaty’ for Gold, but this match meant everything to their opponent. They would need a win, then anything but an Orange victory in order to avoid becoming the latest corpse tossed into the mass grave out by the hedge maze. Will Heinl had Teal on the front foot at 3:36 in the first (from Justin Ker and Elyse Shattuck)…that’s right, folks…Justin Ker is playing this season! While he has been only slightly more apparent than his injured OG captain over the past two months, he showed up when Teal needed him most, and showed up three times on the scoreboard in their all-important finale. He followed the primary assist on the Heinl strike with a solo effort late in the first (0:28), then repeated the unassisted feat for the only goal from either side in the second to put Teal up three. Ty Pereira bashed one through the wickets for Gold (from Hima Joshi and Brennen Abel), but that would be the only measure of retaliation from the down and out underdogs. Chuck Bender (3/4) earned perhaps the easiest win of his, or any goalie’s career with a THREE SAVE EFFORT. Chris Tran (24/27) may look back with relief that he missed most of the season for Gold, but one can’t help but wonder if he might have been their saving grace. The 3-1 Teal win was just more dirt on Gold’s grave, but meant that Teal might live to fight another day, pending the result of the nightcap between Orange and Brown.

The buzz around the manor is that Doctor J’ermé Olivier is VERY close to solving the mystery of President Pope’s murder. His keen observation, conversation, and subtle persuasion skills have been deployed expertly throughout the protracted and unexpected stay that followed the brutal killing. Dr. Olivier is no doubt a very sharp dude, but it is clear that the real brains of the operation are nestled within the sublime skull of Agent Silas ‘The Silencer’™ Perks. Olivier, ever the fraidy cat cautious individual, hired Perks as his personal body guard the moment it became clear that murder was afoot (and likely afeet) at the Manor. Perks has earned his (considerable) paycheck as ‘life safer’, but has also proven to be a super sleuth in his spare time, soaking up all but three possible clues coming into a picnic lunch date with General Severus Eggplant and his Purple-clad posse. Both teams knew they would survive the encounter (I mean, it was just a nice lunch together, out under the shade of the willows on the West Lawn), but Olivier (and Perks) are always looking to ‘come out ahead’ from any interaction, and they did just that (AGAIN) on this occasion. Aaron Cooney made a good point early in the meal (riffing off a smart aside from Hima Joshi), then things got quiet for a period. Cooney had his mates roaring with another bon mot early in dessert course (with Ralph Feuer and Branden Olsen setting up the punch line), and Olsen made sure Purple would not talk their way back into the conversation with an uncontested zinger as the servants cleared plates and offered coffee and tea. Feuer was asked to leave the picnic after shoving a defenseless old man (Steve Linke) into the mud, and authorities have asked that he remain in his quarters for a few weeks to cool off. The eleven save 3-0 shutout win was another feather in Perks’ already-feather-riddled cap. He finishes the season with absolutely Ebenezer numbers – .968/0.63/4 SO…the gaudiest line of his gaudy career. Olive now have all but three clues they would need to know all of the details of President Pope’s death, and they will enter postseason play as the top seed with a 7-0-3 record. They look to defend their undefeated ledger against Teal, who (spoiler alert) slipped into the playoff party JUST before the doors snapped closed. The loss for Don Tran (10/12) and the Purple clan means a seventh place finish at 3-4-3. They will look to upend a rested and ready Red side in the round one opener this Sunday.

Baron Bryan L’Orange, ever the ruthless dickface shrewd strategist, planned to ensure the survival of himself (first) and his entourage by shelling out A LOT of that baron bling to secure the services of one of the most notorious killing machines the Manor has ever allowed on the premises…David ‘Throat Slasher’™ Schlatter. So, sort of the antithesis of the Olivier method, if you will…kill ’em with…killing, and by killing, avoid be killed. As the classic Beatles hit goes, though, money ‘Can’t By Me Attendance’, and Schlatter appeared far more interested in slashing through six packs of Linke Lager (local brewery…not bad, actually) than lacerating larynxes since the day he pulled up to the Manor in a tiger print Jaguar (he loves irony almost as much as murder). L’Orange and his mates would need Schlatter to show, and would need him at his cold bloodiest to put down Professor Kyle VonBraun’s Brown in a high stakes game of poker set to go down in the second floor conservatory overlooking the pool (I’m granting you that the location sounds very un-badass). VonBraun’s brood had proven very proficient with weapons themselves over the course of their stay, boasting two of the more ‘offensive’ characters to ever roam the corridors in Zach ‘Assault’ Salt and Mark ‘Dagger’ DeGraffenreid. Putting Orange out of their misery would also mean holding their edge over the Colonel and his crew, and with no Schlatter to be seen as the first hands were dealt, it seemed pretty clear that the Baron and buds would be short-stacked from the start. Sure enough…quads out of the gate for Brown, with Maureen Ruchhoeft betting out first (from Robert Pietropaula and Shawna Hamon), Mark DeGraffenreid raising less than a minute later (Zach Salt), Tony Thinh re-raising (Ruchhoeft and DeGraffenreid), then Ruchhoeft (from Salt) showing the nuts (a pair of goals in the hole, with a matching pair on the board) to scoop most of Orange’s stack before the deck was even warm. Rob Gaudio read a subtle signal from Mostafa Azab, and bluffed his way to a small chip salvage for Orange, but Brown continued to turn over hot hands, with DeGraffenreid (Ruchhoeft) and Shawna Hamon (Salt) keeping the river flowing for the favorites. Hamon’s second big hand of the night (Salt & DeGraffenreid) gave Brown a 7 to 1 chip count lead, and while Schlatter (who arrived after the first orbit) finally started to make an impact, it was too little, too late. Gaudio (Schlatter), then Schlatter (Gaudio) brought the stacks a bit more level, but Salt (DeGraffenreid & Strathman) put Orange back on tilt, rendering the final notch in Gaudio’s hat trick belt (Jess MacKinnon) nothing more than cold consolation as Brown brushed Orange aside, 8-4. DeGraffenreid and Salt finished the season with 28 points each, tied for tops, and NINE points better than runners up Gaudio and ‘Doctor’ Boddy. Orange have not been seen since their last chip was swept away…the rumor is that the Baron owed A LOT of money to A LOT of dangerous people, at least one of whom is also sequestered at the Manor. Brown will look to avenge themselves this Sunday against a Grey gang that roughed them up quite a bit in their last encounter. With the President and now three prominent guests slain, the tension is tightening, and the knives are now well and truly out…

Gold Blooded

It’s been a while since we checked in on the goings-on at 4S Manor, and while we were all distracted by all manner of fun and games, there has been another murder! The dirt on President Pope’s coffin is still fresh, but now a second plot must be dug in the garden/impromptu cemetery at the center of the hedge maze to house the corpse of Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s Gold. While Gold had been in ill health for months, investigators are convinced that foul play was involved, and will be opening a new investigation once the inquiries into the President’s death wrap this Sunday evening. The worry is that still more carnage may unfold over the weekend, as a tense and terrifying three month ordeal winds to a chilling close…

At the risk of being labeled a ‘hater’ (as the kids say…I’m told), I am going to double down on my take that Olive is an average team with a demi-god in nets. Take a gander at the Standings page, when you get a chance. You will see that, while Olive has generated just 17 goals in 9 games (so…less than two goals a game, and even fewer goals when you subtract three empty-netters), they have also allowed FUCKING SEVEN…TOTAL. That number is HALF the next lowest total allowed by Red and Purple, and LESS THAN A FIFTH the league worst (Orange’s 38). So, while you can shout ‘scoreboard’ at me all you like, and while ‘The Silencer™’ may well carry Olive to Cup glory, it is clear (to me) that the man deserves roughly 90% of the credit. Captain Copp & Company rode their stalwart stallion into battle against White in a Week One (Make-Up) matchup, with their ‘Only Remaining Undefeated Team’ banner waving proudly behind them. Captain Karns’ White were eager to get back on the winning track, after their three game win streak was snapped by Red the week prior. Neither goalie would budge through one, nor through two, and with the clock ticking toward zeroes in the third, it looked as though Matt Henderson would prove an equal to Silas Perks on this day, leaving both teams with the bittersweet taste of tie on their respective tongues. Dan Soar yanked the ‘sweet’ right off of that ‘bittersweet’, and handed the bitter receipt back to White with his third of the season at 2:14 (Aaron Cooney). You’ll be shocked to learn that this lone goal was the game-winner for Olive, who remained undefeated, and are primed to secure the top playoff seed after the 1-0 win. Perks (16/16) was Per-fect once again, recording this third shutout in seven games (let that sink in), and improving his ridiculous line to .965/0.71/3 SO on the season. Matt Henderson (20/21) absorbed his second straight tough loss to a top team, but White’s 4-5-0 record, combined with the results in the cut line battles, has them safely in the playoff mix. Olive will look to cap their impressive season with a win over sample platter Purple (3-3-3), and a win would mean that would finish with all but THREE of the clues in the President Pope murder mystery. White will look to end their up and down season on a high note, even their record at .500, and finally put Pink out of their misery in the early game this Sunday.

A 4-1 Week Seven win over Teal, and a 4-1 win over Orange in Week Ten not only salvaged the season for Captain Janine Ulloa’s Pink, but also set them up with a potentially vital edge in the tiebreaker triage that may well come to bear when the dust has settled late Sunday night. Gold has been eliminated, and Pink, Teal, and Orange are the only teams who have yet to secure a playoff position. Two of those three teams will hit the scrap heap after Sunday’s slate, and while Pink is sitting on the fewest points at 2-7-0, they are also 2-0-0 against Teal and Orange. Teal’s record in this mix is 1-1-0, and Orange (who hold the most points going into the final week of play at 2-5-2) have the worst tiebreaker position (0-2-0), and also face the toughest opponent of the trio in their finale (Brown). So, Pink is not just ‘still in it’, but a win over White in the early game this Sunday would leave them above the cut line for the first time all season, and grant them better-than-average odds to survive. A subsequent non-win for Teal and loss for Orange would mean that…if you can believe it…Pink will live to play into July! Part of the reason Pink is in this predicament in the first place is because of yet another loss, this time a 3-2 concession to Captain John Boddy’s Black. Sadie Hellstrom put Black on the board early at 8:13 in the first (from Captain Boddy and Geoff Downes), but Jim LaGrossa responded for Pink at 6:07 (Mason LaGrossa & John Gamm) to keep both teams on even footing heading into the second. The pattern continued from there, with Captain Boddy cashing in at 9:21 in the second (Hellstrom), and Gamm returning fire at 4:00 (Mason & Jim). Geoff Downes (Captain Boddy & Hellstrom) held up Black’s end of the pattern bargain in the third, but there would be no further reply from Pink, wasting another heroic effort from Nick Vacchio (28/31), and keeping Pink on pins and needles going into their final game of the season. As noted, a win for Pink over White this Sunday will go a long way to pushing them into the playoffs, but they are the only one of the three teams that has no measure of ‘controlling their own destiny’. They must win, and must trust that Teal does not also win, and that Orange loses. Black can drop no lower than third, and are still in position to climb to the top of the standings with a win over Grey and a anything but a win for Olive.

Captain Chad Goins’ Grey officially locked in their playoff seat in Week Eleven with a decisive and impressive 6-3 win over a formidable Brown side, and looked to make a real statement in the Week One Make-Up tilt with rough and ready Red. Captain Joel Gattey & Company had been (officially) playoff certified for weeks (and weeks), but looked to stick the dismount in their final regular season game, and give themselves a chance at keeping hold of the number one seed going into the second season. A win for Red would, at the very least, guarantee a top three finish, while a win for Grey would merely give them a chance of cracking the top half of the bracket in their final game. So, while not the highest of stakes, it’s always entertaining when two good teams do battle, and do battle they did. Craig Russell’s first of the season put Red up one late in the third (1:54, from Nick Vacchio and Jordan Pynn), and Tim Vick tacked on to make it 2-0 even later in the frame (0:12, from Pynn and Trevor Vick). The second period came and went with no tensing of twine, and just when it was starting to look like 4,997th career shutout was in the making for Sean ‘Da Kid’ Kelly, Eric Willard soiled the clean sheet with 1:30 to play (Rob LaVigne & Justin Stege), cutting the lead in half, and setting up a frantic fight to the finish. That finish came with no further ‘finishing’ on Grey’s part, as Kelly (15/16) and friends escaped with a 2-1 win to close out their regular season summer campaign at 6-1-3. Jon Cima (9/11) swallowed the loss, but his personal record on the season remains above .500 at 3-2-2. Even with the anemic attack in this loss, Cima (and his stand-ins) have enjoyed 32 goals of support so far this season, which is tied for second in offensive output with Black, and only two behind Brown. All of that said, it’s probably worth noting that the two teams with the top two goalies find themselves at the top of the standings at a combined 12-1-6. This isn’t to say that a ‘lower tier’ goalie can’t rise up and snatch the Cup, but it’s pretty hard to ignore the hard data, in this case. ‘Defense’ may win championships, but the goalie is the last line of defense, and also the only player to play every minute of every game. So, Red (and their star goaltender) are the first team to wrap their season, and Grey will look to hold their playoff position, or improve (they can only move up one spot to the four seed) in their regular season closer against a short-benched Black.

The battles in the trenches are arguably more tense and heated than the battles at the top. After all, lives (of the playoff variety) are at stake when cut line teams square off, and something had to give when Captain Bryan Ossa’s 1-5-2 Orange met Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s 1-6-1 Gold. A loss for Orange would leave them in a must-win situation in their final game, while a loss for Gold would mean death (of the playoff variety). I mean, this week’s headline is the definition of a ‘spoiler’…Gold dies. A scoreless first begat a back and forth second, with Rob Gaudio striking first for Orange at 9:34 (David Schlatter & Bryan Ossa), Brennen Able responding for Gold at 7:13 (Alan Razoky), Gaudio’s second of the game putting Orange back on top at 5:52 (Mostafa Azab & Erin Plone), and Ty Pereira’s first of the season (!) at 3:57 (Captain Stuzka) leaving the score knotted at two twos through two. The other spoiler on the front page is the POTW blurb, as Gaudio completed his hat trick (and polished his POTW honors) at 9:34 in the third (Schlatter & Ossa) to put Orange in front 3-2…a score that would hold up to keep Orange alive and well in the playoff pursuit, and send Gold to a cold, cold June grave. Nick Meglich (23/25) earned third star honors with another bit of Meglich Magic™, while Chris Tran (23/26) did everything he could (in vain) to keep his team in this game and in this season to the bitter end. Gold become the first team to be officially eliminated with the loss, while the win keeps Orange alive, and (technically) in the best position to advance amongst the remaining three teams yet to clinch. At 2-5-2, Orange is in with a win in their finale against Brown, regardless of how Pink and Teal fare. Captain Ossa’s side have the added benefit of playing in the nightcap on the final Sunday of play. This means that they will know exactly what they do (or do not) need to do to advance as they arrive to take warmups. If both Pink (4:00) and Teal (6:00) lose, they know they are already in. If Pink wins and/or if Teal earns a point, Orange will need at least a tie against Brown. If both Teal and Pink win, Orange will need to beat Brown to survive, which means we may be in for the rare ‘pulled goalie with the score tied’ scenario…

This season has seen its share (or more) of lopsided results…boat races and blowouts that have bloated individual scoring stats and left scorers with hand cramps. The Week One Make-Up slate was the height of low-scoring parity, however, with scores of 0-1, 3-2, 2-1, and 3-2 leading up to the late game match between Teal and Purple. Captain Zach Siemer’s Teal was not yet in ‘must-win’ territory at 2-6-0 coming in, but after watching the final minutes of Orange’s inspired win, they knew that would need any and all points they could muster in their final two games if they had any hope of outlasting their basement buddies. Captain Sev Brown’s Purple, while not nestled in the upper reaches of the rankings, had already secured playoff passage with their 3-3-2 mark coming in, and had only the prospect of shoring up their postseason position (and, perhaps playing spoiler) on the agenda. There’s parity, and then there is paucity, and much like the Week Ten matchup between Red and Olive, this game would wind and grind to a 0-0 finish. A Salt-less Purple mustered just FIVE total shots, all of which were deflected by Jon Cima, who filled in (and caught up on his latest Netflix binge) in a sub stint for Chuck Bender. Don Tran (19/19) was nearly four times as busy at the other end, spoiling Teal’s chance to move ahead of Orange and above the cut line for the first time with his first shutout of the season. Purple have the ultimate playoff warmup in undefeated Olive up next, with little chance of moving up or down the playoff ladder more than a rung either way meaning that they can let it all hang out and see if they can manage to hang TWO WHOLE GOALS on The Silencer™. Teal draw the only dead team in their finale, and securing the (expected) win would eliminate Pink (regardless of how they fare against White), and mean Orange would need to beat Brown to avoid falling out of the playoffs in their final game and the final game of the regular season schedule.

Fruitless

Captain Bryan Ossa’s ‘Agent Orange’ has lacked the pulp and poise to squeeze out wins so far this season, now sitting at 1-5-2 with two games left to play. Their lone win came in a Meglich Miracle™ over Purple back in Week Five, and while they have since hung tough with the likes of Olive (a 3-2 loss) and Red (a 2-2 tie), they have also lost in convincing fashion to cellar mates, Pink and Teal. They will need all of their scoring juice, particularly in the form of the oft-absent David Schlatter, and a dig deep desperation drive against their remaining two opponents (Gold and Brown) to have any hope of avoiding being cast off with the rest of the playoff rind…

Our Week Ten cover team, Captain Ryan Karns’ White, found their stride through midseason play, and rolled into a showdown with Captain Joel Gattey’s Red as the hottest team in the league with three straight wins. While having lost just one of their first eight games, Red was looking to move past a four game stretch that was lukewarm, at best. A 3-3 tie with Black, a 2-2 tie with Orange, a 3-1 loss to Brown, and a 0-0 tie with Olive were the most recent entries on their Spring 2024 resume…not exactly a run that would instill fear in any opponent, much less one coming in with White’s winning swagger. A scoreless first meant a fourth straight period of futility for Red, but Jordan Pynn finally broke through on an impressive coast-to-coast solo effort at 7:28 in the second. Josh Wirt evened the score at 5:32 in the third (from Captain Karns and Carl Vankoughnett), but young stud Trevor Vick would have the final say in this one, putting Red up for good 2-1 with 3:21 left to play (Tim Vick & Joel Gattey). Both goalies were somewhere between solid and stellar, with Matt Henderson (23/25) suffering the tough loss to snap his three game win streak, while Chris Tran (21/22) continued to impress in his return, doing a very admirable impression of Sean Kelly in a successful sub stint. Red’s first win since April 28th keeps them in lockstep with Olive for the top spot in the standings. The caveat…both Olive and Black have a game in hand on Gattey’s gang, and will likely find their way past them by season’s end. White’s win streak is snapped, but at 4-4-0, they are a near mathematical lock to make the second season. They face a tough challenge in the 5-0-3 Olive this Sunday, but close the season against a desperate and destitute Pink side.

Captain Chad Goins’ ‘Grayve Danger’ scuffled to a 1-2-1 mark to start the season, with the coup de grace of that unimpressive run coming in a stunning 6-3 Week Six loss to Teal. Since that loss, Grey has rebounded nicely, taking care of business against the rest of the bottom dwellers (a 6-0 win over Gold, and an 8-1 win over Pink), and have added their name to the ‘we didn’t lose to Olive’ list (a 1-1 tie). Captain Kyle Prior’s ‘No Shit, Sherlock’ came into the match with Grey on a wave of confidence borne out of a 2-0-1 run against the formidable likes of Black, Red, and Purple. The runaway leaders in the points race, Mark DeGraffenreid (21) and Zach Salt (20), were licking their chops at a chance to pepper one of the weakest statistical goalies (Jon Cima), and keep Brown’s run of lossless results over playoff-positioned posses growing. Rob LaVigne hit the pause button on Brown’s pump at 4:52 in the first, cashing in his second of the season (from Justin Stege) to give Grey the early edge. Zach Salt responded later in the period (Tony Thinh & Andy Strathman), then tucked home a second with just eleven seconds to play (DeGraffenreid) in the first to flip the advantage in Brown’s favor, 2-1. The middle period was a dream for Grey, and a nightmare for Brown, with Janice Darlington knotting the score at 2-2 at 7:59 (Kyle Snyder & Eric Willard), Snyder wresting the lead back for Grey at 6:13 (Willard), and late goals from Vance Morra and a second from Snyder (Willard) leaving Brown stressing and scrambling down 5-3 going into the third. The lone Brown answer in the second came courtesy of the dynamic duo (Salt from DeGraffenreid), but alas…that would be the last bit of resistance from the favorites. Snyder capped his hat trick with a solo effort in the third to add insurance and remove any doubt that this day belonged to Grey…6-3 over Brown. Cima (19/22) had the last and loudest laugh in the win, while Cory Brin (18/24) was valiant in vain, often left spinning in the crease while Snyder carved through the zone exerting his considerable will. The win officially punched Grey’s playoff ticket, and they will look to continue their standings ascent as Red’s final regular season opponent this Sunday. Brown will have some extra time to lick their wounds on a bye week before closing their season against Gold.

At a certain point in a dismal season, desire and desperation melt into acceptance…any maybe even atrophy into apathy. Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s Gold REALLY needed an upset win over Purple in Week Eleven to keep their steadily sinking playoff hope boat afloat. Amazingly enough, a win (combined with the results for Orange and Teal in the games that followed) would be all they would need to be very much in the thick of the hunt for the final playoff spot. With Chris Tran back in nets and looking sharp as ever, and with Ty Pereira and Alan Razoky back in the lineup, the stars seemed align for a sparkplug, season-saving victory. A scoreless first saw Tran twice as busy as Don Tran stand-in, Nick Meglich, at the other end (10-5 in Purple’s favor), but even when Gold turned up the shot production in the second (12-10, in their favor), they could not find twine. Jon Salt finally broke the scoreless stalemate with 2:12 to play in the second (from Joe Nguyen), dropping Gold into an all-too-familiar hole going into the third. In fact, over the course of the entire season to that point, Gold had only held a lead once…for the final 8:18 of their only win over Pink in Week Four. So, while (very) used to playing from behind, Gold was also (very) used to never catching up. Catch up they did, however, with Brennen Abel notching his sixth of the season at 6:32 to knot the score at ones (Ty Pereira & Alan Razoky). A game-winning goal was not in the offing for either side, as both Tran (28/29) and Meglich (26/27) held firm to secure each team a point in the 1-1 tie. Mathletes (or AI) may reveal that the point has already shored up a playoff seed for Purple, but dunces like me will wait until the result of their Week One make-up matchup with Teal. While not a win, Gold will definitely take a non-loss. Actually, in the group of cut line teams battling for survival, it could be argued that Gold is in the best position (in spite of having one less point). Stuzka’s crew take on Orange this Sunday, then close their season against Teal. Wins over those two teams could allow them to leap frog to safety, and give them new life into July.

One of the teams that Gold will need to jump past if they hope to make the playoffs is Captain Bryan Ossa’s Orange. Attendance, particular the attendance of WMD super sniper, David Schlatter, has been the Achilles heal for Ossa & Company this season. With Schlatter in the lineup, Orange is 1-1-2, without him, they are 0-3-1, including a crucial, crushing 4-1 loss to Pink in Week Ten. With Schlatter out of the lineup again against a beefy Black side, Orange were braced for another L…they just hoped to keep it from being one of the lopsided variety. Mark Scelfo (Geoff Downes & Brendan Jew) and Brendan Jew (Sean Bathgate & Dan Jurgens) put Black on top by two in the first, and a three goal second period for Black meant that it would, indeed, be a lopsided affair. Some people get a taste of power and success and handle it with calm, cool poise and quiet, respectful dignity. Others like to showboat and rub it in the faces of those that oppose them. Marc Lapointe clearly camps in the latter tent, and I for one am sickened by his antics. Lapointe’s second of the season at 5:59 in the second made it 4-0 Black (Sadie Hellstrom & Captain John Boddy), and after Jurgens made it 4-0 (Downes and Boddy), Lapointe decided that he just HAD to have a second (Boddy). Brendan Jew built Black’s advantage to five in favor at 4:13 in the third (Jurgens), and after Rob Gaudio finally struck back from Orange just over a minute later (Mostafa Azab), Marc ‘The Merciless’ Lapointe decided he just HAD to have his precious hat trick (Downes & Scelfo), scoring with 1:10 remaining to wrap the 7-1 Black beatdown. Marc, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re really proud of yourself. You’re probably too busy making TikTok videos of all the babies and elderly people you have punched to prove how big and tough you are to care, but YOU sir are a monster. It’s no surprise, really…spelling your name with a ‘c’ like a so many psychopaths before you. I kid, of course…CONGRATULATIONS on your first career SDFHL hat trick, Marc! You are a beloved, and even a down and out Orange side had to tip their caps for this performance. Orange will need a heroic (Lapointe-esque, if you will) performance (or two) of their own in their final two games, or they (like so many babies and elderly people who crossed paths with ‘The Merciless’) will be punched out (of the playoffs). If Schlatter makes his way to the rink this Sunday and next, Orange have a chance to knock Gold out of the race, upend Brown and slip into the final playoff spot…

It’s generally not considered difficult to lose a hockey game, but if your goalie has a .958/0.83/2 SO line going into your final three games of the season, the level of difficulty on somehow finding a way to anything but a win is very, very high. I won’t go so far as to say that Silas ‘The Silencer™’ Perks is single-handedly winning games for Olive, but when you consider that the team in front of him has scraped together a mere sixteen goals in eight games (including the Week Eleven game recounted in the recap you are currently reading), they might very well find themselves below the cutline without Perks’ game-changing abilities. Their goal total is just one better than 2-6-0 Pink, and is one LESS than 2-6-0 Teal and 1-5-2 Orange. Only Gold has fewer actual goals, though, with three goals in Olive’s meager total having entered an empty net (neither Orange, nor Teal have a single ENG, and Pink has just one). Granted, Olive has managed to keep a clean L column even in Perks’ two absences, but (not to go too far down the asterisk rabbit hole) those results came against a Schlatter-less Orange and a Pynn-less Red. So, while Silas may not be soloing wins, he is very clearly THE player around which opponents must focus their game plan (and prayers, if they are of that persuasion). It’s never a good time to face The Silencer™, but it was a particularly bad time for Captain Zach Siemer’s Teal, who remain in a pack of hungry and hopeful teams looking to slip out the back door of the struggle bus and into to the safety of playoff pastures. Jon Zygelman’s goal with 3:23 to play in the first (Hima Joshi & Dan Soar) might as well have been worth ten with Perks looking on, and when Captain Copp doubled the lead with his first of the season early in the second (Chris Fiore & Shelby Shattuck), it was definitely time to stop the fight. Getting back to the main idea of this recap, Olive was outshot TWENTY-ONE to FIVE in this game, and still came away with a 2-0 win. If ever their were an argument for a no doubt, slam dunk season MVP, it would be Perks Spring 2024…gross. The win moves Olive to 5-0-3, fully in the driver’s seat for the top playoff seed with two games to play, and a game in hand against Red. The loss, while not remotely unexpected for Teal, means that they must now hope for points against Purple, and/or Gold in their remaining games, or they will be brushed aside like so many balls slapped Perks’ direction.

Kill Or Be Killed

Captain Ryan Karns’ ‘Wirt-Collar Crime’ are now officially the hottest team in the league, having run their winning surge to three with a 3-2 thriller over Teal in Week Ten. Teal, as well as Week Eight victims, Gold, were once cut line neighbors with Karns’ crew, but now find themselves left for dead, while the killers remain on the loose, and hungry for Red blood in Week Eleven…

Chris Tran FINALLY made his debut in nets for Gold, after missing his team’s first half dozen games with old man knees. Tran was very sharp, but as the story has gone for most of the bottom teams in the standings this season, poor attendance dulled any hopes of making his efforts pay off. Without the services of Alan Razoky, Ty Pereira, Harsh Wanigaratne and Matt Groe, Gold’s only hope would be to somehow steal a lead, and hold on for dear life. Captain John Boddy’s Black fired twenty shots at Tran in the first two periods, but it wasn’t until late in the second when one finally found a way past the veteran netminder…Marc LaPointe’s first goal (and, indeed, point) of the season off a wild, bouncy, post-and-out rebound play with helpers to Pat Gladstone and Sean Bathgate. The third period was ALMOST as quiet as the first, with Gold pushing in vain to equalize (finally topping Black in shots in a period with a 9-8 edge), but Brendan Jew (from Captain Boddy) ended any comeback hopes for Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s desperados, capping a 2-0 Black win with his second of the season. Tran finished with a 26/28 line…definitely giving his team his all, and keeping their slim hopes of a non-loss alive to the bitter end, while Ryan Loughran (15/15) earned all of his money in the third period push from Gold, holding strong to earn his first career shutout and improve Black to 4-1-2. If this game wasn’t quite a ‘must win’ for Gold, their remaining three games absolutely are. At 1-6-0, they will need to run the table, and probably rely on some help to survive into July. The biggest challenge left on their schedule comes in the form of Purple this Sunday. If they can manage and upset in that one, they have a beatable pair in Orange and Teal to follow. A loss to Purple will almost certainly mean that Gold will be the first team out.

The Salt Bros Battle™ is always a hot ticket, and with Zach’s 5-2-0 Brown looking to stay in the hunt for the top seed, and Jon’s Purple hoping to shore up their playoff footing, the Spring 2024 regular season installment had plenty to offer beyond Sunday dinner bragging rights for the two superstars. Captain Sev Brown’s bench was barely there, with Tyler Winstead, Jason Northrup, and Juan ‘Always Gone’ Ortiz elsewhere at game time, while Captain Kyle Prior’s Brown would be without Andy Strathman, Shawna Hamon, Maureen Ruchhoeft, and Cory Brin. Of course, all but Strathman would be covered by subs (Sadie Hellstrom, Pat Gladstone, and Ryan Loughran, respectively), so Brown would once again enjoy a wo/manpower advantage over their rivals in Week Ten. The first period saw Purple carry the majority of the play and create more chances, including an open look in the slot that Joe Nguyen did not let pass (from Captain Brown). A scoreless second meant that this grudge match would stay gritty into the third, and when Nguyen cashed in again with 5:55 to play (Salt), it looked like the elder Bro™ would have the latest laugh in the series. Brown kept fighting, though, and a crisp passing series from Zach Salt to Sadie Hellstrom to Mark DeGraffenreid cut the lead back to one with 3:43 to go. Lo and behold, less than a minute later, Robert Pietropaula snapped home his first career SDFHL goal (Hellstrom & Salt) to knot the score, and set up a frenetic fight to the finish. Both Don Tran (17/19) and Ryan Loughran (14/16) held firm the rest of the way, etching a 2-2 sister (or, brother) kiss entry in the Salt Bros Battle™ archives. The salvaged point keeps Brown in first place…for now, and also makes them the first official playoff team with eleven points. They hold the ‘total wins’ and ‘head to head’ tie breaker over Red, but both Olive and Black lurk in striking distance, both with a game in hand. Despite failing to stick the dismount, Purple remain playoff safe at 3-3-1, and will look to improve their security against a down (and nearly out) Gold this Sunday.

From the Salt Bowl to the Dunkin’ Bowl, the Week Ten middle game pitted two struggling sides with a combined two wins, a lot of donuts, and a sprinkling of ties to show for thirteen games played. Attendance (or, lack thereof) has been the story for most of the cut line teams this season, and Captain Janine Ulloa’s Pink had reason to perk up with no Rob Gaudio and no David Schlatter (AGAIN) in the lineup for Orange. The two had combined on 21 of Orange’s 36 points, and 11 of 16 goals, coming in. So, a full-benched Pink (with Pat Gladstone and Kaitlyn Brusso filling in for the absent Captain Ulloa and Steph Palomo Schmidt) would have to be considered the favorites at game time, in spite of having lost their previous two games by a combined score of 15-2. Captain Ulloa may still be grounded with a lower leg injury, but she was beaming with pride early in the first when son Matthew gave Pink an early leg up with his second career goal, and second goal in as many games (from Gordon Schmidt). Super sub, Pat Gladstone, padded Pink’s lead in the second (Greg Wirth & Schmidt), and with the two big Orange guns AWOL, that one really felt like the death knell for Orange. In case there was any doubt, a short-handed strike from Mason LaGrossa with 4:08 to play swiftly removed it, and Lil’ LaGrossa™ followed with the the lone assist on Josh Tran’s second (!) of the season to make it 4-0. Nick Vacchio (11/12) would win The Battle Of The Nicks™, but his shutout bid was undone by a Mostafa Azab conversion with just twelve ticks remaining. The big 4-1 win (amazingly enough) keeps Pink alive in the playoff hunt, but they will likely need to win out after their bye this Sunday in order to make it to the second season. Nick Meglich (23/27) suffered another tough loss to drop his personal record to 1-3-1, and leave Orange down on the cellar steps of the standings at 1-4-2. Captain Bryan Ossa’s group must put that game in hand over Pink to good use this week, but they will REALLY need their stars in the lineup and their stars aligned if they hope to survive an encounter with powerhouse Black.

Attendance is a big deal this season (broken record, I know), but both Rob Gaudio and David Schlatter were in the lineup for Orange in Week Nine against a VERY short Teal side…and Teal still stomped them, 6-2. So, while poor attendance and crippling losses aren’t perfectly corollary, that shocking, lopsided Teal triumph was certainly a glitch in the matrix, and only came courtesy of a monster 3 and 2 performance from Luke Wolmer. The win over Orange gave Captain Zach Siemer & Company hope for a resurrected season, but Captain Ryan Karns’ White had plans of their own to continue their standings ascent. A scoreless first bled into a second period that belonged to the upstart underdogs. Trice Harvey’s second of the season at 8:11 (from Erin Plone) and a fourth on the season for Week Nine POTW, Luke Wolmer (from Chris Malki and Harvey) had Teal on top and in the driver’s seat heading into the final ten minutes of play. To briefly borrow from last season’s theme, and quote the ever-so-quotable Michael Scott…’how the turntables‘. Ramsey Ksar’s second of the season made good on the powerplay for White with 9:30 to play (Carl Vankoughnett & Mark Nagy), and Josh Wirt drew the teams level with a solo effort at 3:42. Both sides pushed hard, producing one of the higher shot totals of any game this season (37-28, in Teal’s favor), but both Matt Henderson and Chuck Bender held strong as the clock wound toward what seemed like a certain draw. Alas, Teal would be undone…Mark Nagy came through with the GWG with just 0:42 to play (Wirt), dealing a crushing blow to Teal’s playoff push with a late stunner…3-2 White over Teal. Bender (34/37) snatched second star honors for his efforts in the losing cause, while Henderson (26/28) and White added another big notch to their mojo belt, and recorded a third straight win to make them officially the ‘hottest team in the league’. Both teams face a steep challenge in Week Eleven, with White grappling with the 4-1-3 Red, and Teal trying again to get on track against the only undefeated team in the league, the 4-0-3 Olive.

At least once a season, there is a game where very little happens. Or, rather, stuff happens, but none of it really means anything, because it doesn’t make the score sheet. Avid fans of very little to no scoring (so, soccer fans, and fans of Carl Vankoughnett’s sex life) would have had Red v Olive circled on their calendar at season’s start, with the league’s top two goalies squaring off in a ‘which team will score the game’s only goal and win this thing’ standoff. As fate would have it, Silas Perks was not in nets for this one, so it would be Nick Meglich v Sean Kelly with the winner claiming sole possession of the top spot in the standings, as well as a potentially valuable tie-breaker, come season’s end. Perks’ absence, coupled with the palpable aura that is ‘Da Kid’ and an ultra-rare Alexis DaCosta sighting gave Red the edge in this one, but Olive has some kind of unbeatable aura of their own going, and this was sure to be a dog fight. Red’s ‘edge’ was evident, at least in the shot totals (23 to Olive 11), but Meglich proved he has a very passable Perks impression, stopping everything Red brought. Kelly was half as tested, but equally effective…that’s right, folks…no goals, no assists, only one penalty (weirdly, on Meglich)…nothing to see here. The 0-0 tie…the first, and likely only one of the season, is actually kind of delicious. Neither team needed a point, let alone a win in the standings, and this result sets up a potential playoff rematch where there are no ties. Both teams officially clinch a playoff berth with the point, but Olive remain the only loss-less team in the league, and are primed to snatch the top seed with a game in hand on both Red and Brown as we roll into the final three weeks of play.

Tell Teal Heart

Just when you thought that Teal was dead and buried under the Spring League 2024 floorboards, two wins in their last three outings have us all hearing that steady, sickening, beating…growing louder and louder. Surely this is merely our collective mind plunging into madness (temporary madness, we hope and trust). Surely they are dead…we saw that they were dead…are dead…we know that they ARE dead…yes, a trick of the mind, this ‘beating’, and nothing more…

Poor attendance has routinely proven to be the biggest game-changer this season, with a number of teams taking hard L’s due to a short (or even empty) bench. No team has suffered the slings and arrows of absenteeism quite like Teal. Most teams have missed an average of 1-2 players per week, not including goalies. Teal has EIGHTEEN missed player games in six team games (an average of three players shy of capacity any given week), and that is not including their original captain, Leah Gonzales, who played just one game before bowing to injury. With just one win coming in, and with Ian Crooks, Joe Malki, Justin Ker, and Trice Harvey all out of the lineup, it would take a minor miracle for Captain Zach Siemer & Company to avoid another humiliating loss, let alone for them to overcome Orange and double their season win total. Enter: Luke Wolmer, our intrepid POTW, and likely savior of Teal’s sad, sinking season. Wolmer converted a Will Heinl pass at 4:20 in the first, and a Chris Malki helper at 2:51 to stun Orange and set the scene for a truly remarkable upset. David Schlatter responded for Orange midway through the second (Rob Gaudio), but Captain Siemer restored Teal’s two goal lead minutes later (Wolmer and Chris Malki). It was Wolmer again to extend the lead to 4-1 early in the third (Chris Malki and Siemer), then Heinl making it 5-1 from…who else…Wolmer and Malki. A Gaudio from Schlatter strike made it 5-2, but Heinl’s second (from…yep…Malki and Wolmer) was the final straw on Orange’s already broken back. The shocking 6-2 win moves Teal to 2-4-0, and while not out of cut line peril by any means, they sit primed for a legitimate playoff push against all conceivable odds…simply incredible. The loss is a particularly rough one for Orange, who now slip below the cut line themselves, with Teal now holding the total wins and head to head tiebreaker over them. Both teams have juicy games on deck after the holiday break, with Orange facing on-death’s-door Pink, and Teal looking to continue their ascent against standing neighbors to the north, White. The outcomes of those games will no doubt shape the lower half of the playoff landscape.

Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s Gold were Week Eight headliners, but in the P Diddy, Trump, San Jose Sharks sense of the ‘honor’…for bad/very bad reasons. With White handing the ‘Handlers’ a third straight loss to drop their record to 1-4-0, the second half of the season would likely need to be reciprocal (or close to it) to preserve any playoff hopes at all. Sometimes the schedule breaks in your favor, and sometimes it sends your wounded animal of a team into the den of a fierce predator. Captain Jeremy Copp’s Olive entered Week Nine play as one of only two unbeaten teams, and they would leave as the last team standing in that regard. Broken record here…it would be another Olive effort played out on the stout back and shoulders of ‘The Silencer’, Silas Perks. Gold outshot Olive 6-1 in the first period, and 21-7, overall, but neither goalie would yield in the first, and a lone Ralph Feuer goal at 8:09 in the second (Jon Zygelman) had the underdogs fearing that even one would be too much to overcome with Perks patrolling the pipes at the other end. My statistician has just informed me that this was not only Feuer’s first career SDFHL goal, but his first ever point! CONGRATULATIONS, Ralph! Zygelman doubled the lead with an unassisted effort early in the third, and when one isn’t enough for a Perks-backed side, two certainly is. Alan Razoky rendered that second goal vital (Brennen Abel & Andrew Wong), slicing the lead in half with his first goal/point of the season (!). Perks (20/21) and friends would hold the rest of the way, though, with Jason Lee tucking his first of the season into an empty net to seal a 3-1 Olive win, and push Gold that much closer to five free Sunday evenings. It doesn’t get any easier for Gold after the holiday break, with a very tough Black on the books. Olive will face perhaps the toughest challenge to their spotless loss column this Sunday in a showdown with 4-1-2 Red.

The only team who has it worse than Gold to this point in the season is Captain Janine Ulloa’s Pink. Already at 1-5-0 coming in, the least punchy of bunches were absolutely in must-win mode coming into a match with Captain Chad Goins’ Grey. Goins’ group came in with the ‘sample platter’ record of 2-2-2, with their last two games coming against the combatants in the previous game…a 6-0 trouncing of Gold, followed by a 1-1 tie with Olive. Pink’s only win coming in came at the expense of a struggling Teal side…a team that actually beat Grey back in Week Six. So…there was hope on the Pink bench as the opening faceoff dropped, and a first career SDFHL goal for Matthew Ulloa at 7:51 in the first (Kaela Martin) (CONGRATULATIONS, Matthew!) had Pink pumped. Alas, much like my typical bedroom performance, that would be the only pump of the night for Pink. Vance Morra continued his hot hand with his fifth of the season at 6:12, Kyle Snyder followed with the first of three on the night less than thirty seconds later (Morra & Janice Darlington), and Tom ‘The Other’ Darlington (Chad Goins) made it 3-1 Grey after one. A scoreless second was a relief and source of renewed hope for the desperate underdogs, but the lopsided shot count (27-9 through two) had even the most optimistic Pink player hoping the dam wouldn’t break. It broke in the third….Jeffrey Henderson unassisted, Snyder from Morra, Snyder from Henderson, J-Dizzle from Snyder and Morra, and Justin Stege from Captain Goins and Snyder….a five goal spate to wash Pink away (likely for good), 8-1. Jon Cima (13/14) collected the win for Grey, who improve to 3-2-2, while an absolutely besieged Nick Vacchio (29/37) did his best (the man is not a miracle worker) for a Pink team that has honestly seemed doomed from the start, and now seem doomed to finish in dead last.

With the heavyweight bout between Brown and Red looming in the late game, Black versus Purple made for the perfect undercard. Captain John Boddy’s Black came in looking to bounce back from a very lopsided loss to Brown the week prior…their first of the season, while Captain Sev Brown’s Purple was riding high off the synthetic sense of satisfaction that can only come from stomping Pink. While both teams look to be on playoff pace, a win would secure a space in the upper reaches of the standings, and with the likes of White and Teal beginning their midseason climb, points are paramount. Sean Bathgate got the party started for Black with his first of the season at 6:28 in the first (Sadie Hellstrom & Mark Scelfo), but Jon Salt equalized later in the period (Captain Brown). The second period was a veritable scoring bonanza, with the two teams exchanging blows in a wildly entertaining orgy of offense. Pat Gladstone batted home her first of the season on a chaotic series from Geoff Downes to Captain Boddy to the post to her stick to give Black a 2-1 lead, but Purple responded with two goals in a 1:15 span…Joe Nguyen from Kaitlyn Brusso, and a solo Salt effort to turn the tide in Purple’s favor. Downes followed with a pair of goals over the next two minutes to wrest the lead back for Black…the first from Gladstone and Bathgate, and the second from Sadie Hellstrom. That second dose of Downes damage would serve as the game-winner, with Captain Boddy’s solo empty netter serving as the only mark on the scoresheet in the third. Always a bridesmaid, Nick Vacchio (18/21) secured the win for Black in Ryan Loughran’s absence, leaving Don Tran (13/17) and Purple to suffer the 5-3 loss and drop to an even 3-3-0 on the season. Black will look to continue their playoff build in Week Ten against a scuffling Gold, while the Purple v Brown throwdown will serve as the next installment of The Battle Of The Salt Bros™…don’t miss it!

Captain Joel Gattey’s Red steamrolled their way to a 4-0-0 mark through the first four games of their season, but hindsight shines a spotlight on this achievement, and the cracks in the case for excellence are evident. Their first win…a 5-2 romp over Gold, the second…a 4-1 strut past Teal, the third…a 6-1 punchout of Pink, and the fourth…a 1-0 squeak past a Salt-less Purple. The combined current record of those first three teams…4-15-0. So, while Red was winning the games they should win, subsequent ties with Black and Orange showed that the pundits yelling ‘PAPER TIGER’ might not be wrong. Captain Kyle Prior’s Brown has also benefited from its share of soft opposition, having also racked up wins against the Triangle Of Sadness™ (Gold/Teal/Pink), and otherwise having benefitted more often than not from their opponents’ poor attendance. So…an intriguing matchup between two teams that look great in the standings, but may well just be ‘pretty good’. While you can never (ever) count on Alexis DaCosta showing up for a game, the absence of both him and Tim Vick gave the betting edge to a fully-staffed Brown as warmups wrapped. Mark DeGraffenreid would put that advantage in writing at 6:15 in the first (finishing a beautiful passing play from Shawna Hamon and Zach Salt), and a scoreless second kept this tilt of titans tense going into the third. Tony Thinh converted a DeGraffenreid feed into five hole glory to make it 2-0 early in the third, but when Jordan Pynn answered with a solo effort at 2:32, there was still time for this game to be claimed by either side. A late tripping penalty to Nick Vacchio made the odds longer for a Red redemption, and Zach Salt’s powerplay punctuation mark (DeGraffenreid & Andy Strathman) put things out of reach for good, 3-1 Brown over Red. Cory Brin (22/23) earned his ‘Beat Sean Kelly’ scout badge in the win, outdueling the living legend who stopped 21/24 in a tough loss. The 1 and 2 DeGraffenreid effort, and Salt’s 1 and 1 keep the dynamic duo in the gold and silver podium places with twenty and eighteen points, respectively. While it is still too soon to say that either of these teams is a Cup favorite, they are both surely destined for the playoffs…perhaps a juicy rematch awaits.