Trained Assassins

Week Four (really ‘Week Two’…thanks, Mother Nature) opened with Captain Sev Brown and ‘Professor Salt’s Plums’ facing off against Captain Chad Goins’ as-yet-unnamed creation. It’s probably for the better that Grey is nameless, as namesake Jon Salt and Purple continued to kick ass and take names in their second outing of the season. Salt staked Purple to a lead with an unassisted strike at 2:10 in the first, then served up the primary assist on Joe Nguyen’s game-winner early in the second (second assist to Jason Northrup). Nguyen then returned the favor on Kaitlyn Brusso’s powerplay poke later in the period to plump Purple to a three goal lead going into the third. Salt’s second (and fifth of the young season) came at 5:53 in the final frame (from Steve Linke), and super sub, Pat Gladstone, got in on the act to make it 5-0 with 3:05 to play (from Tyler Winstead). If ever the term ‘too little, too late’ were applicable…Captain Goins finally struck back for Grey with ONE second left in the game (from Vance Morra and Rob LaVigne), which was really just an act of scuffing Don Tran’s shiny shutout shoes. Tran (13/14) may have lost the no-no in heartbreaking fashion, but he has allowed just one goal in each of this first two games, and appears to be in tip top form for a team that is hitting on all cylinders. Jon Cima (10/15) labored through his first loss of the season, but may take comfort in having one of the early season’s most potent offenses out of the way. The 5-1 win leaves Purple one of only two teams at 2-0-0, and they’ll look to improve that record against one of four winless teams (Orange) this Sunday.

The first two periods of the tilt between Orange and White were pretty standard fare. Carl Vankoughnett (from Josh Wirt) got White on the board at 6:50 in the first, Rob Gaudio (from Captain Bryan Ossa and David Schlatter) struck back at 0:46, and Vankoughnett restored White’s edge at 0:21 (from Mark Nagy and Wirt). Nagy grew White’s lead at 7:29 in the second (from Dinino), and Captain Ryan Karns made it 4-1 in his team’s favor going into the final period of play (from Pat Gladstone and Vankoughnett). So…five goals in two periods…nothing crazy…just your average SDFHL game…probably destined for something like a 5-2 final…NOPE. NINE more goals came crashing through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man on crack in the final frame, leaving the scorer hospitalized with (what we are told is) a terminal wrist sprain (RIP, LaVigne), and setting what absolutely has to be a never-to-be-beaten league record for downright offensive offensive onslaught. I don’t want to be buried with LaVigne, so I am going straight laundry list here, folks:

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Carl Vankoughnett and Ryan Karns)

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Arnold Gonzales)

ORANGE: David Schlatter (Weston Nawrocki and Rob Gaudio)

ORANGE: David Schlatter

WHITE: Kevin Dinino (Ramsey Ksar and Mark Nagy)

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Ryan Karns)

ORANGE: Erin Plone (David Schlatter and Rob Gaduio)

WHITE: Ramsey Ksar (Ryan Owen)

WHITE: Josh Wirt (Carl Vankoughnett)

Yeah…all of that happened…in one period. You may have also noted that Josh Wirt dropped FOUR goals on Orange in the climax of chaos, leading the chaotic charge for White is his season debut with a 4 and 2 effort. The 10-4 (good buddy) final, while surely a once in an eclipse year anomaly, may still send shivers down the spines of White’s future opponents. Vankoughnett’s 2 and 3 night has him in lock step with the leaders on the points board, and the ‘VW Bus’ of Vankoughnett/Wirt is clearly not something you want to stand in front of…

Captain Jeremy Copp’s ‘Olive Us Are Suspects’ made their VERY long awaited season debut following a rainout, rainout, bye week torture tease three week span. Captain Copp has actually STILL yet to play a game this season, as he was out of town while his mates faced off with Captain Kyle Prior’s Brown. Zach Salt had Brown out of the blocks first, converting a quick Mark DeGraffenreid dish into an even quicker shot to beat Silas ‘The Silencer’ Perks. Christopher Fiore (from Brandon Olsen) and Dan Soar (from Hima Joshi) turned Olive’s frown upside down in the second, but Salt (from a sweet Shawna Hamon feed) leveled things for Brown again with just 0:33 to play in the middle frame. It was more Fiore and Soar in the third, with Chris slapping home a long range game-winner (from Soar and Perks), and Soar adding empty net insurance and quelling a late Brown push. Perks (20/22) proved once again why he is the best in the business, but it was Fiore and Soar rightfully claiming two of three stars of the week in an impressive 4-2 Olive debut coup. Cory Brin (13/16) suffered the loss in his first action of the season…that is, if you don’t count the action he saw in relief of sub Don Tran for Orange in that 10-4 bloodbath. Brown will look to bounce back this week with the help of Tony Thinh, who is stepping in to replace the injured Ash Wadhwa for the remainder of the season.

Our cover team was up next, with Captain Joel Gattey’s ‘Murder On The J-Hole Express’ staying on track with another convincing early season win. Chris Malki actually put his team on the front foot first, but unfortunately for Captain Leah Gonzales & Company, it would be the first and only goal for Teal for the second straight week to start the season. Even more unfortunate for Gonzales…she broke her thumb in ‘the mistress league’, and may well be out for the season. I will let you all draw your own conclusions from that short story on what not to do if you want to enjoy a happy, healthy SDFHL season/career. Meanwhile, Trevor ‘F*CKING’ Vick…the force is strong with this one. The teenaged rookie sensation, who was born when most of us had long-since graduated college, was at it again for Red in his second career game. His first of the game evened the tide in the first (from Papa Tim Vick and Captain Gattey), and his solo effort second early in the second would hold up as the game-winner. He went on to add a second assist on Wendy Enright’s powerplay conversion late in the second (Papa Vick with the primary), and Nick Vacchio made sure things were well out of reach with his third of the season early in the third (from Alexis DaCosta and Jordan Pynn). Sean Kelly (25/26) rightfully commands a good deal of the credit for Red’s success, posting ho-hum heroic numbers again so far this season, but the ‘Vick & Nick’ attack is (or should be) an eyebrow raiser for all future opponents, as well. The 4-1 loss is more bad news for Teal, who now turn to surrogate skipper, Zach Siemer, to turn a winless season around. Worse news…Teal will barely have enough bodies to field a team against a bolstered. bloodthirsty Brown in Week Five…

The late game was the only nailbiter on offer in Week Four, as Pink and Gold battled it out under the lights to cap the night. Mason LaGrossa took the youth movement baton from Trevor Vick, slotting home his second of the season late in the first (from Josh Tran) to give Captain Janine Ulloa’s creation a leg up. Speaking of legs…Ulloa would injure hers (her ankle, specifically) in (take a wild stab…go on)…the mistress league (!), leaving her on the sidelines with fellow captain, Leah Gonzales, powerless to help her team with anything more than shouts of encouragement. Josh Tran cashed in early in the second to give Pink a 2-0 lead, but Gold would climb back into the fray as the clock wound down towards the second intermission. Brennan Abel (part of the OLD youth movement in our league) broke the scoring seal for Gold at 2:35 in the second (from Greg Francisco and Captain Jeannine Stuzka), and Wendy Enright (I feel like she played in every game, this week) drew Gold level with an unassisted super sub strike with just 0:16 in the period. It was Abel again with the game-winner (from Harsh Wanigaratne)…the lone goal for either team in a tight third to lead Gold to a 3-2 comeback win and even their record at 1-1-0. Speaking of playing multiple games, Sean Kelly (23/24) turned up in the three stars again in this one, sparkling in a sub role for Chris Tran. Nick Vacchio (23/26) dropped to 0-2-0 in nets for Pink, but can take solace in his steady contribution to Red’s 2-0-0 start.