As someone who is naive to Seinfeld, most references to the show I don’t understand. However, I’m not naive to google, so I’ve included some Easter Eggs in the form of hyperlinks throughout the writeup to provide references and virtual context for what my writing cannot. I mean after all, a picture is worth a thousand words (and in case of the front page photo, if that translates to a thousand nightmares, I offer a thousand apologies). On to the recaps:
Orange’s Josh Tran and Blue’s Rob Gaudio were the first Captains to test their draft prowess and were hoping their Teams could kick this season off with a bang and start fast – and wow, they did just that! First round pick and long time netminder nemesis Andrew Jacobsen (from Stege and Chiaco) got Orange on the board just 12 seconds into the League season with a seeing eye slow motion roller from a ways out that somehow made it through goalie sub Chuck Bender’s wickets and signature foot save technique. Not to be outdone, Blue’s first rounder Josh Wirt answered back just 47 seconds later with an unassisted goal to tie it 1-1 not even one minute into the game. The breakneck pace continued and just a little over two minutes later Orange retook their lead courtesy of Jackson Tomaszewski (from Jacobsen and Captain Tran). Three goals in roughly three minutes – this scoring eruption would set the tone for the night, but to these goalie’s delight, not the rest of this game. Both Teams settled in and back and forth play ruled the game until the end of the 2nd period when Wirt struck again, this time assisted by Captain Gaudio and Jon Champine. Not much else to talk about in this one other than teenage rookie Marshall Hamon of the famed Hamon Hockey HouseholdTM (aka H3) holding his own as a defenseman against high caliber talent in his first League game. Both Teams had significant extended offensive zone possessions and high quality chances throughout the rest of the game, especially in the last couple of minutes, but both goalies played well and stood firm. Time expired with the Captains inwardly knowing they could have won but outwardly displaying their best “Good start at least we got a point” consolation face in what would be the only tie of the night at 2-2.
Game Two saw Captain Ian Crook’s Black take on Captain Ryan Karns’ Teal. This one showcased a dichotomy of draft strategies as Black’s roster on paper was steeped in defensive talent and age…er…experience, whereas Teal (and every other team for that matter) on paper was more offensively focused, younger, and faster. Would age and wisdom prevail? Is the best offense a good defense? We might have to wait for answers on those questions as there were absences from both Teams that would factor into this one. Teal 1st rounder David Schlatter was out due to injury and old age pack leader Pope was out due to Load Management (conveniently disguised as a vacation) for Black. Once play started, the old adage ‘age before beauty’ held true as Black dominated possession and the shots in the first. Unfortunately for Black, Goals are what matter and Teal has Sean Kelly in net. Teal sub Dorothy Kline was the first to strike when she exhibited great hand-eye coordination and buried home the game’s first goal with help from the law firm of Boddy and Karns. The second period saw Black’s League Legend Gary Peters (seriously, we need create an SDFHL trading card of this guy) go to the sin bin and John Boddy (from Joe Nguyen) capitalize with a PPG just 10 sec later. Captain Ian Crooks tried to put the momentum Back in Black by whipping the standing room only crowd into a frenzy when he put the “biscuit in the basket” – a scoring term that was first cited in print in 1955 (true story), … which coincidentally is the year most of Team Black’s roster started playing hockey (allegedly). Before anyone gets upset, I said “allegedly”,.. I mean, they totally could have started earlier. Back to this Millennium’s action, specifically this game: Shots were becoming more balanced between the two Teams but as the game wore on Team Black started pressing to try and get the equalizer. Teal started taking advantage of its speed and stamina as Boddy had several breakaways only to be stoned by Chuck Bender to keep Black in the game. Eventually Dorothy Kline (Boddy, Razoky) would break through for her second of the day with 5:47 left in the 3rd, throwing the Crooks Cocoon Crew into desperation mode. Apex predators like Boddy can smell desperation, and he delivered the kill with two more goals in the waning moments of the game, the first one unassisted and the second from Kline and Joe Nguyen to push Teal over Black 5-1 despite being outshot 27-22. But again, shots are like pickup lines, they only matter if someone scores and Teal’s Sean Kelly was swiping left like a supermodel all game. Teal just had everything going right for it this game, including having a player who they didn’t even draft go for 3 points, while Black couldn’t catch a break. The true testament of team talent will be when they get their absent players back, which will raise more questions. When will Sgt Schlatter be able to return from injury and how will they best integrate him to maximize the potency of a Teal team that scored 5 without their stud 1st rounder? For Black, will Pope’s return help right away or will he need a few weeks to shed the buffet weight he probably put on so he can get back up to his usual slow speed? …and will he mentally recover in time from the exhaustion of repeated “shrinkage” in the “Adult only” pool area? (S05 E21)
Olive and an obscenely bright Yellow kicked off the third tilt featuring prominent newcomers, Defenseman Kyle Snyder and Goalie Jon Cima (Welcome!) respectively, whose performances will be key to their Team’s Season success. Spoiler alert, they both played significant roles in their first game, albeit unfortunately on different ends of the spectrum. Both teams are stacked with firepower so it was bound to be an exciting game, and it sure lived up to its billing. Thursday night sensation and 1st rounder Kyle Snyder looked every bit the part in his Sunday debut, scoring two goals in the first for Olive before Yellow’s Brennan Abel even made it to the rink. Abel’s arrival didn’t immediately stem the tide and Olive scored another goal, this one by Nick Vacchio (from Shelby Shattuck and Captain Tyler Winstead) to put them up 3-0. Yellow could have easily folded, but Captain Vankoughnett’s team is way too determined and talented offensively to go down without a fight. It didn’t take long for Abel to do his thing and he poked one home (from Jim LaGrossa – get used to that combo) with 1:29 left in the first. A Snyder penalty in the last seconds of the 1st led to an Abel PPG early in the 2nd (from you guessed it, Jim LaGrossa) and then just a short time later Captain Vankoughnett and LaGrossa set him up for his third straight to complete the natural hattie and more importantly tie it at 3-3. The heavyweight slugfest continued as Snyder scored again to get his hat trick and then subsequently set up Vacchio at the end of the 2nd to take the lead at 5-3. It’s a good thing the League’s crystal ball was broken, cuz if either goalie would have seen what was in store for them in the 3rd, they may not have gone back out after the 2nd intermission. Just 22 seconds into the third, Shelby Shattuck put one home thanks to Chris Tullio, who is making a triumphant return to the League after a couple of years off. Facing their second 3 goal deficit of the game, Yellow wasted no time – literally only 19 seconds – in rallying, this time with a Jim LaGrossa goal, from you guessed it, Abel, who then turned around and scored his fourth from – you didn’t guess it: Lapointe and Elyse Shattuck to pull within 6-5. The next goal would be super important, and it took a whole 3 minutes before the lamp was lit again with Vacchio from Snyder giving Olive a little breathing room. Another Snyder goal (Tullio) at the end would mean Olive outlasted Yellow 8-5 in what was essentially a glorified skills competition. Snyder, hiding in plain sight as a Defenseman but really a stud forward with Datsyukian stick skills and an unreal ability for going end to end through an entire team to score, had one of the best debuts in League history with a 4/2 to earn 1st runner up in POTW honors. Abel dazzled for Yellow as he posted a 4/1 – but in about 8 less minutes. It was an unfortunate debut for Jon Cima who was the victim of a ridiculous performance from a stacked Olive team but he looks to bounce back against White who also had a tough day against Red. Olive looks to continue a Shermanesque march through the Season when they take on Purple.
Captain Sean Bathgate’s shorthanded White took on another offensive bohemeth (on paper) in Captain Geoff Downes’ Red Team that has an embarrassing totem of talent topped by perennial Art Ross and Vezina candidates Jon Salt and Silas Perks respectively. Bathgate, who was scorekeeper (with legible writing, thank you!) for the crazy game just minutes prior, would unfortunately not be able to help his team in this contest as he was sidelined with an injury – I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a debilitating hand cramp or even exhaustion trying to keep an accurate track of 13 goals. Seriously though, even though White has great talent in its own right, they would need all hands on deck to have a chance in this one and give goalie Nick Meglich a chance…but even Lloyd Christmas would say there was no chance this time. Top pick and League top two defender Jordan Pynn was missing at an inopportune time and wouldn’t be there to direct the defense against Sir Salt’s scoring symphony. However, as one of the recurring themes from this week, nothing is guaranteed and that’s why they play the game. In the first period White proved their potential and dominated possession but Netminder General Silas “Silanator” Perks said “Not in my house” (video of him in action here) and commanded all shots aside. Red dominated the scoreboard and led 3-0 at first horn – recreating yet another common theme from the Black and Teal game of great Goalie play on one end contributing to scoring on the other. As the game wore on, Red began to assert itself as the short bench became a factor for White and the scoring went exactly according to script in a dominating performance by the Red SeaTM (of Talent) in an 8-0 blowout of White. This one could be summarized as a Jon Salt School of Scoring Symposium as he factored in ALL eight goals netting a 5 and 3 and earning POTW honors. Kerri Sevenbergen, Mark Ennsmann, and Kevin Dinino rounded out the goal scorers, Christopher Fiore built on his strong rookie campaign from last season by contributing 4 assists, Matt Rogers was flying all around the rink making things happen, and Silanator capped another game with another shutout, giving him a ridiculous and gaudy 34% career SO rate paired with a .950 SV% (when playing for his original teams, stats aren’t compiled from games as a sub). Red appears to be very, very, very good, and should scarily get even better whenever absentee Justin Ker is present and can bring his Beast Mode mentality to the lineup. For White, the best ability is availability, and they hope to be able to send out a full lineup in their next game vs. Yellow, another offensively talented team but one who also gave up 8 goals in their debut.
The nightcap pitted Captain Sev Brown’s Purple featuring Zach Salt against Captain Zach Siemer’s Gray and Kalen Hunter. As just mentioned, the best ability is availability, and for this one Purple would be handicapped by missing two speedy grinders in Luke Wolmer and Ty Pereria. On the flip side, Gray was missing goalie Matt Henderson, meaning sub Nick Meglich would have the unenviable task of facing a Salt in consecutive games, and that fact would normally be the story of the game. However, that is a mere footnote on a historical night. Given the offensive firepower on both teams, if you predicted Rob Lavigne, renowned for textbook defensive defenseman play, would be the 1st Star, you’d be a liar or heretic cast into a volcano for blasphemy – the stout defenseman only had 2 goals in 61 regular season games for a GPG of .06 coming into the contest. However, in this single game he would DOUBLE his career regular season goal total AND add an assist in addition to his standard high quality defensive play. What?!? Is this a case of “new season, new Rob”? If so, move over Salts, Snyder, and Young Canucks,TM Rob “Scoring Machine” LaVigne is making his entrance! The game started innocently enough until halfway through the first one of those Young CanucksTM Kalen Hunter introduced himself to new goalie Syd Costello (Welcome!) in the only way pure goal scorers know how – substituting goals for pleasantries. Credit percolating offensive eruptor LaVigne and Eric Willard with helping make the introduction. LaVigne would bury a goal of his own just three minutes later from Captain Siemer, and to prove it wasn’t a fluke, would earn his “Scoring Machine” moniker with another goal, the eventual GWG, this time from Willard and Leah Gonzales. A Janice Darlington goal (from Siemer) at the end of the 2nd meant over half of Gray’s extremely balanced team would have a point in this one as they led 4-0. Purple would finally break through the less busy Meglich and get on the board with 3:17 left in the third on a Trice Harvey PPG (Zach Salt, Jason Northrup) and then Salt would score a minute later (Scelfo) to get this one close, but that’s as close as they got. Kalen Hunter would tack on an insurance goal as Gray defeated Purple 5-2. Next week Gray and it’s newfound “Scoring Machine” will try to part the Red Sea while Purple will need to have a full team when they take on powerhouse Olive.
The epilogue for this week’s recap is that all kidding aside, we need to publicly thank Pope (and his family for the time it takes him away from his family) for all the work that he does for the League. During his well deserved vacation, his weekly duties were split between three people, and as you can see from how everything probably seemed JV this week, he does them at a very high level and makes it seem effortless. In reality they all take significant time, as evidenced by this late posting of the write-ups. For those that don’t know, to honor Pope’s continual contributions to the League, the Board secretly (aka without him knowing about it) voted this past season to officially rename the Las Vegas trophy that is passed around to SDFHL season champions “The DeGraffenreid Cup”. So again, thanks for everything Pope, and its been an honor to fill in here at the Ocho.