Gold Blooded

At the risk of being labeled a ‘hater’ (as the kids say…I’m told), I am going to double down on my take that Olive is an average team with a demi-god in nets. Take a gander at the Standings page, when you get a chance. You will see that, while Olive has generated just 17 goals in 9 games (so…less than two goals a game, and even fewer goals when you subtract three empty-netters), they have also allowed FUCKING SEVEN…TOTAL. That number is HALF the next lowest total allowed by Red and Purple, and LESS THAN A FIFTH the league worst (Orange’s 38). So, while you can shout ‘scoreboard’ at me all you like, and while ‘The Silencer™’ may well carry Olive to Cup glory, it is clear (to me) that the man deserves roughly 90% of the credit. Captain Copp & Company rode their stalwart stallion into battle against White in a Week One (Make-Up) matchup, with their ‘Only Remaining Undefeated Team’ banner waving proudly behind them. Captain Karns’ White were eager to get back on the winning track, after their three game win streak was snapped by Red the week prior. Neither goalie would budge through one, nor through two, and with the clock ticking toward zeroes in the third, it looked as though Matt Henderson would prove an equal to Silas Perks on this day, leaving both teams with the bittersweet taste of tie on their respective tongues. Dan Soar yanked the ‘sweet’ right off of that ‘bittersweet’, and handed the bitter receipt back to White with his third of the season at 2:14 (Aaron Cooney). You’ll be shocked to learn that this lone goal was the game-winner for Olive, who remained undefeated, and are primed to secure the top playoff seed after the 1-0 win. Perks (16/16) was Per-fect once again, recording this third shutout in seven games (let that sink in), and improving his ridiculous line to .965/0.71/3 SO on the season. Matt Henderson (20/21) absorbed his second straight tough loss to a top team, but White’s 4-5-0 record, combined with the results in the cut line battles, has them safely in the playoff mix. Olive will look to cap their impressive season with a win over sample platter Purple (3-3-3), and a win would mean that would finish with all but THREE of the clues in the President Pope murder mystery. White will look to end their up and down season on a high note, even their record at .500, and finally put Pink out of their misery in the early game this Sunday.

A 4-1 Week Seven win over Teal, and a 4-1 win over Orange in Week Ten not only salvaged the season for Captain Janine Ulloa’s Pink, but also set them up with a potentially vital edge in the tiebreaker triage that may well come to bear when the dust has settled late Sunday night. Gold has been eliminated, and Pink, Teal, and Orange are the only teams who have yet to secure a playoff position. Two of those three teams will hit the scrap heap after Sunday’s slate, and while Pink is sitting on the fewest points at 2-7-0, they are also 2-0-0 against Teal and Orange. Teal’s record in this mix is 1-1-0, and Orange (who hold the most points going into the final week of play at 2-5-2) have the worst tiebreaker position (0-2-0), and also face the toughest opponent of the trio in their finale (Brown). So, Pink is not just ‘still in it’, but a win over White in the early game this Sunday would leave them above the cut line for the first time all season, and grant them better-than-average odds to survive. A subsequent non-win for Teal and loss for Orange would mean that…if you can believe it…Pink will live to play into July! Part of the reason Pink is in this predicament in the first place is because of yet another loss, this time a 3-2 concession to Captain John Boddy’s Black. Sadie Hellstrom put Black on the board early at 8:13 in the first (from Captain Boddy and Geoff Downes), but Jim LaGrossa responded for Pink at 6:07 (Mason LaGrossa & John Gamm) to keep both teams on even footing heading into the second. The pattern continued from there, with Captain Boddy cashing in at 9:21 in the second (Hellstrom), and Gamm returning fire at 4:00 (Mason & Jim). Geoff Downes (Captain Boddy & Hellstrom) held up Black’s end of the pattern bargain in the third, but there would be no further reply from Pink, wasting another heroic effort from Nick Vacchio (28/31), and keeping Pink on pins and needles going into their final game of the season. As noted, a win for Pink over White this Sunday will go a long way to pushing them into the playoffs, but they are the only one of the three teams that has no measure of ‘controlling their own destiny’. They must win, and must trust that Teal does not also win, and that Orange loses. Black can drop no lower than third, and are still in position to climb to the top of the standings with a win over Grey and a anything but a win for Olive.

Captain Chad Goins’ Grey officially locked in their playoff seat in Week Eleven with a decisive and impressive 6-3 win over a formidable Brown side, and looked to make a real statement in the Week One Make-Up tilt with rough and ready Red. Captain Joel Gattey & Company had been (officially) playoff certified for weeks (and weeks), but looked to stick the dismount in their final regular season game, and give themselves a chance at keeping hold of the number one seed going into the second season. A win for Red would, at the very least, guarantee a top three finish, while a win for Grey would merely give them a chance of cracking the top half of the bracket in their final game. So, while not the highest of stakes, it’s always entertaining when two good teams do battle, and do battle they did. Craig Russell’s first of the season put Red up one late in the third (1:54, from Nick Vacchio and Jordan Pynn), and Tim Vick tacked on to make it 2-0 even later in the frame (0:12, from Pynn and Trevor Vick). The second period came and went with no tensing of twine, and just when it was starting to look like 4,997th career shutout was in the making for Sean ‘Da Kid’ Kelly, Eric Willard soiled the clean sheet with 1:30 to play (Rob LaVigne & Justin Stege), cutting the lead in half, and setting up a frantic fight to the finish. That finish came with no further ‘finishing’ on Grey’s part, as Kelly (15/16) and friends escaped with a 2-1 win to close out their regular season summer campaign at 6-1-3. Jon Cima (9/11) swallowed the loss, but his personal record on the season remains above .500 at 3-2-2. Even with the anemic attack in this loss, Cima (and his stand-ins) have enjoyed 32 goals of support so far this season, which is tied for second in offensive output with Black, and only two behind Brown. All of that said, it’s probably worth noting that the two teams with the top two goalies find themselves at the top of the standings at a combined 12-1-6. This isn’t to say that a ‘lower tier’ goalie can’t rise up and snatch the Cup, but it’s pretty hard to ignore the hard data, in this case. ‘Defense’ may win championships, but the goalie is the last line of defense, and also the only player to play every minute of every game. So, Red (and their star goaltender) are the first team to wrap their season, and Grey will look to hold their playoff position, or improve (they can only move up one spot to the four seed) in their regular season closer against a short-benched Black.

The battles in the trenches are arguably more tense and heated than the battles at the top. After all, lives (of the playoff variety) are at stake when cut line teams square off, and something had to give when Captain Bryan Ossa’s 1-5-2 Orange met Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s 1-6-1 Gold. A loss for Orange would leave them in a must-win situation in their final game, while a loss for Gold would mean death (of the playoff variety). I mean, this week’s headline is the definition of a ‘spoiler’…Gold dies. A scoreless first begat a back and forth second, with Rob Gaudio striking first for Orange at 9:34 (David Schlatter & Bryan Ossa), Brennen Able responding for Gold at 7:13 (Alan Razoky), Gaudio’s second of the game putting Orange back on top at 5:52 (Mostafa Azab & Erin Plone), and Ty Pereira’s first of the season (!) at 3:57 (Captain Stuzka) leaving the score knotted at two twos through two. The other spoiler on the front page is the POTW blurb, as Gaudio completed his hat trick (and polished his POTW honors) at 9:34 in the third (Schlatter & Ossa) to put Orange in front 3-2…a score that would hold up to keep Orange alive and well in the playoff pursuit, and send Gold to a cold, cold June grave. Nick Meglich (23/25) earned third star honors with another bit of Meglich Magic™, while Chris Tran (23/26) did everything he could (in vain) to keep his team in this game and in this season to the bitter end. Gold become the first team to be officially eliminated with the loss, while the win keeps Orange alive, and (technically) in the best position to advance amongst the remaining three teams yet to clinch. At 2-5-2, Orange is in with a win in their finale against Brown, regardless of how Pink and Teal fare. Captain Ossa’s side have the added benefit of playing in the nightcap on the final Sunday of play. This means that they will know exactly what they do (or do not) need to do to advance as they arrive to take warmups. If both Pink (4:00) and Teal (6:00) lose, they know they are already in. If Pink wins and/or if Teal earns a point, Orange will need at least a tie against Brown. If both Teal and Pink win, Orange will need to beat Brown to survive, which means we may be in for the rare ‘pulled goalie with the score tied’ scenario…

This season has seen its share (or more) of lopsided results…boat races and blowouts that have bloated individual scoring stats and left scorers with hand cramps. The Week One Make-Up slate was the height of low-scoring parity, however, with scores of 0-1, 3-2, 2-1, and 3-2 leading up to the late game match between Teal and Purple. Captain Zach Siemer’s Teal was not yet in ‘must-win’ territory at 2-6-0 coming in, but after watching the final minutes of Orange’s inspired win, they knew that would need any and all points they could muster in their final two games if they had any hope of outlasting their basement buddies. Captain Sev Brown’s Purple, while not nestled in the upper reaches of the rankings, had already secured playoff passage with their 3-3-2 mark coming in, and had only the prospect of shoring up their postseason position (and, perhaps playing spoiler) on the agenda. There’s parity, and then there is paucity, and much like the Week Ten matchup between Red and Olive, this game would wind and grind to a 0-0 finish. A Salt-less Purple mustered just FIVE total shots, all of which were deflected by Jon Cima, who filled in (and caught up on his latest Netflix binge) in a sub stint for Chuck Bender. Don Tran (19/19) was nearly four times as busy at the other end, spoiling Teal’s chance to move ahead of Orange and above the cut line for the first time with his first shutout of the season. Purple have the ultimate playoff warmup in undefeated Olive up next, with little chance of moving up or down the playoff ladder more than a rung either way meaning that they can let it all hang out and see if they can manage to hang TWO WHOLE GOALS on The Silencer™. Teal draw the only dead team in their finale, and securing the (expected) win would eliminate Pink (regardless of how they fare against White), and mean Orange would need to beat Brown to avoid falling out of the playoffs in their final game and the final game of the regular season schedule.