Fruitless

Our Week Ten cover team, Captain Ryan Karns’ White, found their stride through midseason play, and rolled into a showdown with Captain Joel Gattey’s Red as the hottest team in the league with three straight wins. While having lost just one of their first eight games, Red was looking to move past a four game stretch that was lukewarm, at best. A 3-3 tie with Black, a 2-2 tie with Orange, a 3-1 loss to Brown, and a 0-0 tie with Olive were the most recent entries on their Spring 2024 resume…not exactly a run that would instill fear in any opponent, much less one coming in with White’s winning swagger. A scoreless first meant a fourth straight period of futility for Red, but Jordan Pynn finally broke through on an impressive coast-to-coast solo effort at 7:28 in the second. Josh Wirt evened the score at 5:32 in the third (from Captain Karns and Carl Vankoughnett), but young stud Trevor Vick would have the final say in this one, putting Red up for good 2-1 with 3:21 left to play (Tim Vick & Joel Gattey). Both goalies were somewhere between solid and stellar, with Matt Henderson (23/25) suffering the tough loss to snap his three game win streak, while Chris Tran (21/22) continued to impress in his return, doing a very admirable impression of Sean Kelly in a successful sub stint. Red’s first win since April 28th keeps them in lockstep with Olive for the top spot in the standings. The caveat…both Olive and Black have a game in hand on Gattey’s gang, and will likely find their way past them by season’s end. White’s win streak is snapped, but at 4-4-0, they are a near mathematical lock to make the second season. They face a tough challenge in the 5-0-3 Olive this Sunday, but close the season against a desperate and destitute Pink side.

Captain Chad Goins’ ‘Grayve Danger’ scuffled to a 1-2-1 mark to start the season, with the coup de grace of that unimpressive run coming in a stunning 6-3 Week Six loss to Teal. Since that loss, Grey has rebounded nicely, taking care of business against the rest of the bottom dwellers (a 6-0 win over Gold, and an 8-1 win over Pink), and have added their name to the ‘we didn’t lose to Olive’ list (a 1-1 tie). Captain Kyle Prior’s ‘No Shit, Sherlock’ came into the match with Grey on a wave of confidence borne out of a 2-0-1 run against the formidable likes of Black, Red, and Purple. The runaway leaders in the points race, Mark DeGraffenreid (21) and Zach Salt (20), were licking their chops at a chance to pepper one of the weakest statistical goalies (Jon Cima), and keep Brown’s run of lossless results over playoff-positioned posses growing. Rob LaVigne hit the pause button on Brown’s pump at 4:52 in the first, cashing in his second of the season (from Justin Stege) to give Grey the early edge. Zach Salt responded later in the period (Tony Thinh & Andy Strathman), then tucked home a second with just eleven seconds to play (DeGraffenreid) in the first to flip the advantage in Brown’s favor, 2-1. The middle period was a dream for Grey, and a nightmare for Brown, with Janice Darlington knotting the score at 2-2 at 7:59 (Kyle Snyder & Eric Willard), Snyder wresting the lead back for Grey at 6:13 (Willard), and late goals from Vance Morra and a second from Snyder (Willard) leaving Brown stressing and scrambling down 5-3 going into the third. The lone Brown answer in the second came courtesy of the dynamic duo (Salt from DeGraffenreid), but alas…that would be the last bit of resistance from the favorites. Snyder capped his hat trick with a solo effort in the third to add insurance and remove any doubt that this day belonged to Grey…6-3 over Brown. Cima (19/22) had the last and loudest laugh in the win, while Cory Brin (18/24) was valiant in vain, often left spinning in the crease while Snyder carved through the zone exerting his considerable will. The win officially punched Grey’s playoff ticket, and they will look to continue their standings ascent as Red’s final regular season opponent this Sunday. Brown will have some extra time to lick their wounds on a bye week before closing their season against Gold.

At a certain point in a dismal season, desire and desperation melt into acceptance…any maybe even atrophy into apathy. Captain Jeannine Stuzka’s Gold REALLY needed an upset win over Purple in Week Eleven to keep their steadily sinking playoff hope boat afloat. Amazingly enough, a win (combined with the results for Orange and Teal in the games that followed) would be all they would need to be very much in the thick of the hunt for the final playoff spot. With Chris Tran back in nets and looking sharp as ever, and with Ty Pereira and Alan Razoky back in the lineup, the stars seemed align for a sparkplug, season-saving victory. A scoreless first saw Tran twice as busy as Don Tran stand-in, Nick Meglich, at the other end (10-5 in Purple’s favor), but even when Gold turned up the shot production in the second (12-10, in their favor), they could not find twine. Jon Salt finally broke the scoreless stalemate with 2:12 to play in the second (from Joe Nguyen), dropping Gold into an all-too-familiar hole going into the third. In fact, over the course of the entire season to that point, Gold had only held a lead once…for the final 8:18 of their only win over Pink in Week Four. So, while (very) used to playing from behind, Gold was also (very) used to never catching up. Catch up they did, however, with Brennen Abel notching his sixth of the season at 6:32 to knot the score at ones (Ty Pereira & Alan Razoky). A game-winning goal was not in the offing for either side, as both Tran (28/29) and Meglich (26/27) held firm to secure each team a point in the 1-1 tie. Mathletes (or AI) may reveal that the point has already shored up a playoff seed for Purple, but dunces like me will wait until the result of their Week One make-up matchup with Teal. While not a win, Gold will definitely take a non-loss. Actually, in the group of cut line teams battling for survival, it could be argued that Gold is in the best position (in spite of having one less point). Stuzka’s crew take on Orange this Sunday, then close their season against Teal. Wins over those two teams could allow them to leap frog to safety, and give them new life into July.

One of the teams that Gold will need to jump past if they hope to make the playoffs is Captain Bryan Ossa’s Orange. Attendance, particular the attendance of WMD super sniper, David Schlatter, has been the Achilles heal for Ossa & Company this season. With Schlatter in the lineup, Orange is 1-1-2, without him, they are 0-3-1, including a crucial, crushing 4-1 loss to Pink in Week Ten. With Schlatter out of the lineup again against a beefy Black side, Orange were braced for another L…they just hoped to keep it from being one of the lopsided variety. Mark Scelfo (Geoff Downes & Brendan Jew) and Brendan Jew (Sean Bathgate & Dan Jurgens) put Black on top by two in the first, and a three goal second period for Black meant that it would, indeed, be a lopsided affair. Some people get a taste of power and success and handle it with calm, cool poise and quiet, respectful dignity. Others like to showboat and rub it in the faces of those that oppose them. Marc Lapointe clearly camps in the latter tent, and I for one am sickened by his antics. Lapointe’s second of the season at 5:59 in the second made it 4-0 Black (Sadie Hellstrom & Captain John Boddy), and after Jurgens made it 4-0 (Downes and Boddy), Lapointe decided that he just HAD to have a second (Boddy). Brendan Jew built Black’s advantage to five in favor at 4:13 in the third (Jurgens), and after Rob Gaudio finally struck back from Orange just over a minute later (Mostafa Azab), Marc ‘The Merciless’ Lapointe decided he just HAD to have his precious hat trick (Downes & Scelfo), scoring with 1:10 remaining to wrap the 7-1 Black beatdown. Marc, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re really proud of yourself. You’re probably too busy making TikTok videos of all the babies and elderly people you have punched to prove how big and tough you are to care, but YOU sir are a monster. It’s no surprise, really…spelling your name with a ‘c’ like a so many psychopaths before you. I kid, of course…CONGRATULATIONS on your first career SDFHL hat trick, Marc! You are a beloved, and even a down and out Orange side had to tip their caps for this performance. Orange will need a heroic (Lapointe-esque, if you will) performance (or two) of their own in their final two games, or they (like so many babies and elderly people who crossed paths with ‘The Merciless’) will be punched out (of the playoffs). If Schlatter makes his way to the rink this Sunday and next, Orange have a chance to knock Gold out of the race, upend Brown and slip into the final playoff spot…

It’s generally not considered difficult to lose a hockey game, but if your goalie has a .958/0.83/2 SO line going into your final three games of the season, the level of difficulty on somehow finding a way to anything but a win is very, very high. I won’t go so far as to say that Silas ‘The Silencer™’ Perks is single-handedly winning games for Olive, but when you consider that the team in front of him has scraped together a mere sixteen goals in eight games (including the Week Eleven game recounted in the recap you are currently reading), they might very well find themselves below the cutline without Perks’ game-changing abilities. Their goal total is just one better than 2-6-0 Pink, and is one LESS than 2-6-0 Teal and 1-5-2 Orange. Only Gold has fewer actual goals, though, with three goals in Olive’s meager total having entered an empty net (neither Orange, nor Teal have a single ENG, and Pink has just one). Granted, Olive has managed to keep a clean L column even in Perks’ two absences, but (not to go too far down the asterisk rabbit hole) those results came against a Schlatter-less Orange and a Pynn-less Red. So, while Silas may not be soloing wins, he is very clearly THE player around which opponents must focus their game plan (and prayers, if they are of that persuasion). It’s never a good time to face The Silencer™, but it was a particularly bad time for Captain Zach Siemer’s Teal, who remain in a pack of hungry and hopeful teams looking to slip out the back door of the struggle bus and into to the safety of playoff pastures. Jon Zygelman’s goal with 3:23 to play in the first (Hima Joshi & Dan Soar) might as well have been worth ten with Perks looking on, and when Captain Copp doubled the lead with his first of the season early in the second (Chris Fiore & Shelby Shattuck), it was definitely time to stop the fight. Getting back to the main idea of this recap, Olive was outshot TWENTY-ONE to FIVE in this game, and still came away with a 2-0 win. If ever their were an argument for a no doubt, slam dunk season MVP, it would be Perks Spring 2024…gross. The win moves Olive to 5-0-3, fully in the driver’s seat for the top playoff seed with two games to play, and a game in hand against Red. The loss, while not remotely unexpected for Teal, means that they must now hope for points against Purple, and/or Gold in their remaining games, or they will be brushed aside like so many balls slapped Perks’ direction.