Not to be a downer, man, but the 70’s wasn’t all booger sugar and bell bottoms. Some bad shit went down. Bad shit happens every decade, and Steve Jones is a consistent reminder of the bad shit that can happen to your team when you dare to oppose him. Rub it in with Jurgens and the result is even more horrifying. The pleasant version of the story is that your team’s hopes of winning die. I’ll spare you the ugly details, but check the top of the standings, the scoring charts, and your team’s schedule…you’ll want to prepare for the worst.

The Citrus Bowl saw Orange slice up Lime, 5-2. It didn’t help Captain Wendy Enright’s cause that her team was already cut in half with absences. Orange took full advantage, as league founder, Raj Patel, led the way with 2 and 1, including the game-winner early in the second. Jerry Gonzales and Kevin Dinino chipped in 1 and 1, and Rob Sangha and Jet Javelet each recorded two assists for Orange. Not to be left out of the transportation-inspired name bonanza, rookie Sailboat Lewis booked his first SDFHL point, an assist on Gonazles’ late first period tally. SDFHL super vet, Justin Stege, provided both scoring responses for Lime, who were without Chris Malki, Joe Malki, Anthony Cerasuolo, Erik Talor, and Tyler Winstead.

They didn’t make the headlines this week, but ‘Eight-Ball Bender’ is lining up opponents and blowing them away. Captain Jordan Pynn’s side stands at 2-0-0, but also features a 9-0 GF-GA line. That’s right…pure, uncut, potent…the hard stuff…nothing to sneeze at. This week’s dealer of choice was Carl Vankoughnett, who struck for 2 and 1. Jon Zygelman accounted for 1 and 2, and Ryan Owen chalked up two assists, leaving Black with nary a sniff in the 4-0 win. The namesake, Chuck Bender, is off to a stellar summer, recording his second straight shutout with a 12/12 line. White will face a true test in Week Three, as they come up against 2-0-0 Green to give us a better idea whether coke or cash is king.

‘Wissco Briferno’ lit the kindling early, and stoked themselves to a 3-0 first period lead. John Gamm picked up where he left of last week, scoring the opener, and Captain Jon Salt promptly tacked on two more. Red’s resistance began with Craig Russell scoring what I am told (but still cannot believe) is his first ever SDFHL goal. Russell’s late first period first was all Red could muster until Jim LaGrossa found twine on the power play late in the third. Cory Brin was unconscious in nets, stopping 28/30, and weathering a late 5 on 3 flurry in heroic fashion, as Purple held on for the 3-2 win. Unfortunately, Brin was (quite literally) knocked semi-conscious by an errant knee, and is out for an undermined span with concussion syndrome.

Both Gold and Pink entered Week Two having generated zero goals. Both left the court on Sunday with matching goals-for goose eggs intact. The silver lining…the 0-0 result allowed both teams to pick up their first point in the standings. Outside of that, there is not much to record for posterity in this one. Chris Tran was the busier of the two netminders, stopping 17/17, while Matt Henderson deflected 13/13 shots, mostly of the ho-hum variety.

Steve Jones continued to enforce his will on the opposition, scoring twice before passing the baton to Dan Jurgens (2 and 2). Bill Casey and Captain Zach Siemer exchanged goals in the third to bring the final score to 5-1, Green over Tie Dye. Andrew Lockard (23/34) out-dueled Mark Boulanger (18/23), keeping Green a perfect 2-0-0, and dropping Tie Dye to 0-1-1. Jones and Jurgens are both bubbling at the top of the scoring charts, and the chemistry is clearly already there. They say ‘pick your poison’, but…poison is poison…never trust a big shot and a smile.

Captain Jordan ‘Let The Records’ Pynn recorded the first goal of the Summer 2019 season at 4:07 in the first, and that would be the only goal White would need. The 5-0 Gold rush also featured 1 and 1 from Steve ‘Go-Go’ Goncalo, Carl ‘CV, Yes!’ Vankoughnett, and Jeff ‘You Should Be Dan…’ Chen, Ryan ‘Never Tiptoein’ Owen’s first of the season, and Quinn ‘Tessential’ Hume’s first career SDFHL point (the lone assist on Vankoughnett’s tally). Team namesake, Chuck ‘Eight-Ball’ Bender, stopped 12/12, while Matt ‘& All That’ Henderson had some issues with the volume of shots the other way, stopping 27/32.

The match between Red and Black featured a fittingly checkered score sheet. Red had an answer for all four Andrew ‘One Man Crew’ Jacobsen goals (Jeannine ‘Dancin’ Machine’ Stuzka, Min-Soo ‘Lefty’ Smith, Josh ‘Good Hurt’ Wirt, Mark ‘DaSpark’ Daquipa), but failed to account for Michael ‘Fro Real’ Froman. It’s all about the fro, man. Jacobsen did (of course) assist on Froman’s first period marker, and Froman returned the favor on Jacobsen’s game-winner in the third. BFF’s Katherine ‘K Dizzy’ Dicker and Alyce ‘Kill & Bury’ Perry each collected two assists, and Christian ‘Mingle’ LeClair lost his SDFHL debut 5-4 in a wild one, stopping 11/16.

The party ground to a halt in the third game of the evening, as two full periods, and 9:06 of a third wound past with nary a single step taken or net shaken. Leave it to Jerry ‘Old Jeezy’ Gonzales to finally get things jumping again. Gonzales’ capped a late one on two rush with a strange, bounding ball that crossed Chris ‘Ladies Man’ Tran’s body, hit the post, and found a home. Captain Steph ‘No Half Stephin’ Palomo Schmidt locked down the win with an empty netter…Orange over Pink, 2-0. Marc ‘Boogie Down’ Devoe had a relatively comfy path to shutout glory (9/9), while Tran came close, but not close enough to matching the feat at 14/15.

Tie Dye…tie is right there in the color, FFS. Naturally, Captain Psiemer’s Psychadelic Psquad battled to a 3-3 no win situation with Purple in Week One. Sophomore sensation, John ‘Wham, Bam, Thank You’ Gamm, scored not once, but thrice, assisted on each by that other Jon…that no ‘h’ loser…sad. Alexis ‘Saurus Rexis’ DaCosta collected assisted on all three strikes for Tie Dye, with Alan ‘King Of The North’ Razoky netting a pair, and adding a helper of his own on Adam ‘Bomb’ Schindler’s first of the season. Both goalies were solid and stable (these were sweet goals, folks), with Cory ‘Glory, Story, Allegory, Montessori…‘ Brin stopping 18/21, and Fred ‘Diva’ Fournier concluding his SDFHL career in a fill-in role with a 23/26 effort. We will miss you, Freddie! Send waffles and beer!

Hey, gang…remember Steve ‘Accidents Will Happen…Like The Killing Of Your Team, By Me‘ Jones? Well, he’s back, and he’s back at it. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Jones accounted for both goals in Green’s 2-0 win over Lime. Andrew ‘Stone Cold’ Lockard stopped all ten shots he faced (because Jones did not turn and fire on him), while Alex ‘Riunite On‘ Theis was strong (14/16), but saddled with a loss in his return to league action.

Captain Salt and ‘AmaJon Prime’ sat for weeks, waiting for one last challenger. That challenger was primed for elimination in the first of two final fights, as the clock wound down to the last minutes of play. White had other ideas, turning a one and done Cup clincher for the incumbents into a two game delivery of their own championship glory. Congratulations to Captain Mark Ennsmann and ‘White’ for a remarkable finish, and to Captain Salt’s side, who fought hard to a bitter end.

A very tough, tight two periods of play finally cracked open to allow for a Prime scoring opportunity. With Anthony Cerasuolo barely seated in the penalty box for interference, Captain Jon Salt turned the first face-off win into an orange blur past Fred Fournier’s ear. The 1-0 lead would hold, as the game returned to the earlier established grind, but Cerasuolo would have the next laugh, and his team would have the last. The rare, timely, and poetically apt goal for the White defender at 2:04 made it 1-1, and less than a minute later, Josh Wirt had White in the lead. Wirt added empty net insurance to close out the comeback, wrap a 3-1 victory, and force an equal footing finale…

Wirt carried the hot hand into the second game, scoring just 1:09 into the first period. The one goal edge held through the remainder of the first, and all of the second, in spite of a number of power play opportunities for Light Blue (including more than a full minute of 5 on 3 play). As the dust finally settled on White’s penalty woes, it kicked up on the other side. Chris Malki watched from the box as Captain Ennsmann doubled the lead to 2-0. Joe Malki atoned for his father’s folly minutes later to cut the lead to 2-1, and set up a tense and terrific last act. Time wound low, and Wirt’s fourth of the night (his second empty-netter) wound Light Blue even lower, as White found a way to prevail once again by a final of 3-1.

With Captain Salt awaiting his opportunity for a second straight Cup, Captain Ennsmann’s crew backslashed through Pink and Royal to earn a spot in the final. Ennsmann’s White bested Salt’s Light Blue 3-2 back on March 31st. Which feat will repeat, and which team will be left out in the code…

Josh Wirt is a bad man. The lanky and laconic leading scorer for Captain Ennsmann’s (still nameless) side is known for letting his game do the talking, and his Week Four playoff game was chattier than a daytime female talk show host. Wirt provided a primary assist on Eric Caligiuri’s goal to open the scoring in the first, put his team back in front with his first of the night in the second, and willed home the game-winner in OT to keep White moving on up, 3-2 over Pink. Alyce Perry collected an assist on all three goals for White, and Ryan Owen went 1 & 1 in vain for Pink. Stopping Andrew Jacobsen cold (zero points) is never an easy feat. White’s defense allowed just eleven shots, and Steve Testen made the nine saves he needed to make to push his team on to the late game…

Wirt picked up the hammer he forged in the Pink fires and smashed Royal to rags in the nightcap. The pummeling was perfectly paced, with one goal for each period, and an assist for good measure. Elliot Hicks, Captain Mark Ennsmann, and Evan Melcher accounted for the other half of the goal count, as White rolled past Royal, 6-0. Steve Testen was a perfect 15/15, while Jerry Russell’s sparkling rookie campaign fizzled to a finish with an 18/24 line. The win has White marching past Memorial Day and into a June 2nd showdown with Light Blue for all the glory.

Captain Salt has delivered yet another team to the doorstep of Cup glory. ‘AmaJon Prime’ seems to have the whole package, but the porch pirates are lurking, and one of three teams in action this Sunday still has a chance to steal the goods.

The clock struck midnight on Grey’s Cinderella season, and this time, the glass slipper did not fit the next day. A fantastical finish to their regular season, and a first round encore that stunned the wicked Orange stepmother had many of us believing that fairy tales do come true. Not once upon this time. Anthony Cerasuolo’s second of the season gave White a lead in the first, and Justin Stege leveled the sheet at about the same point in the second. Two of the league’s best goalies stood tall, otherwise, and the playoffs saw yet another game bleed into OT…then shootout. The first three shooters found the back of the net, and White shot first, so…2-1 White over Grey. Josh Wirt and Mark Ennsmann did the honors for White, while Jordan Pynn accounted for the lone conversion for Grey. It was definitely a fun and furious fable for Captain Jack Traughber & Company, and the moral of their story is something hackneyed like ‘never give up…follow your dreams’. For White, they face the reality of having to beat Pink, then Royal this Sunday if they hope to see their story through to a happy ending.

The scoring king is dead…long live the king. Steve Jones romped through the regular season with a ‘you-killed-every-member-of-my-family-and-all-of my-pets-for-good-measure’ style fury, racking up 15/8/23. His playoff numbers showed no drop off at 6/0/6 through three games. All great things must come to an end, however, and Week Three was that end for Black and their effusive scoring engine. Jones went out with a bang and a bow, scoring on the power play with 1:19 left, but it was too little, too late to save Black, who were sitting in a 0-4 hole at the time. That hole was dug with expert care by Lena Amelang, Dale Stuzka, and a double shovel effort from Andrew Jacobsen. Ty Pereira collected three assists on the night, including the second on Jacobsen’s game-winner. Captain Sean Kelly led his team to the 4-1 victory from the back, stopping 21/22 to propel his team on to the ménage à trois action this weekend. Pink will need to best White, then topple Royal to earn a shake (or two) with Salt & Sons.

Speaking of Captain Salt, he continued the key captain contribution trend of Week Three, scoring twice for his team in a 5-1 win over Royal. Steph Chen led the proceedings early in the first, followed by Salt’s PPG GWG. ‘Prime’ poured in another pair in the second, with the Malki boys (Chris and Joe) doing the honors. Janet Goins got Royal on the board bright and early in the first, but that would be the only response, and the only blemish on Andrew Lockard’s slate (12/13). Salt’s second of the game rounded out the box score, and punctuated his team’s punched ticket to the promise land. Royal Blue live to fight another day, but after losing their leading scorer, Param Gill, to an MCL tear, this Sunday may be the last Sunday on their Winter League schedule. Light Blue will have the weekend off, then enjoy another week off in observance of Memorial Day, as they lie in wait for a matchup with the sole survivor of White/Pink/Royal on June 2nd.