Rise & Shine

Week 10:

‘Maya AngeBLUE’ is quite the force, and this is no surprise. They haven’t reached the top just yet, but still, ‘like dust, they rise’. Captain Janet Goins and her crew relied on their leading ladies in Week Ten, as the captain herself and rookie Erin Plone accounted for two of three goals in a statement win over Aqua. The Royal Blue crew have not lost since February 5th, and remain in striking distance of the top playoff seed going into their final three games.

You’ll forgive me for sounding like a broken record in these recaps, but Silas Perks looks to be on pace to break some records this season…I’m just trying to be like him. Silver and Maroon are both good teams, but Perks makes the former great, and continues to make opponents look, well…’meh’. With the goaltender being the only player on a team who is on the court for the entire game (unless he/she gets pulled in the waning minutes), having a great one gives you a great chance of prevailing…this is simple math. So, in a matchup between the (statistically) best goalie in the league and the worst, it should probably come as no surprise that the former won…handily. You do have to score goals to win, no matter who your goalie is, and Zach Salt did the honors (with honors) in this one, opening and closing the scoring in the first period for Silver, completing his hat trick in the third, and assisting on the only two Silver goals that he didn’t score himself (Matt Gottfried’s game-winner in the first, and Sadie Hellstrom’s insurance marker in the second). That’s five total goals, which is WAY more than enough when you have King Silas behind you. Perks (19/20) collected his fifth win on the season, keeping his team at ease throughout, and keeping Silver at the top of the pile at 5-0-1. Steve Deppensmith (11/16) saw his record (and his team’s, in turn) fall below .500 with the 5-1 loss, having been afforded only a fifth the goal support of his counterpart — Chris Malki’s fourth of the season late in the second period. Silver will look to add to their already impressive win total this Sunday, when they take on Black…a team that has exactly the opposite record (0-5-1), and has scored just ONE goal all season. Maroon will look to bounce back against Red (AKA…’The Other Maroon’), who have also failed to find their footing this season at 1-5-0.

The only team other than Silver without a loss this season put that mark on the line against a desperate, nearly down and out for good Tropical Blue side. Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft’s squad has proven to be the most resilient and least put-away-able team this season, by far, having survived the clock against Royal Blue, a three goal deficit with four minutes to play against Maroon, and even managing a tie against the well-oiled winning machine that is Silver. In short, you’d expect a fair amount of confidence from White as they strode onto the court in Week Ten, and you would certainly expect no panic to set in when Nick Vacchio converted on the powerplay (from Ian Crooks and Luke Wolmer) to draw first blood for Tropical Blue at 2:58 in the first. You’d be very right in assuming that White would bounce right back, as Vance Morra evened the tide just 1:20 later, scoring on one of twelve (!) first period shots for the favorites. Sean Kelly (27/29) has had a shaky season (especially by his lofty standards), but he was (paradoxically) ‘The Old Kid’ in this one, keeping Tropical Blue in it from start to finish. Unfortunately for Captain Kyra Forsyth’s crew, that score at the finish was 2-1 in White’s favor, and even more unfortunately, this loss may be the one that finishes them for good. Morra came through again in the third period, as well, but this time providing the helping hand on Geoff Downes’ game-winner at 4:37, wasting Kelly’s vintage valiance, and making the ho-hum effort from Chuck Bender (9/10) at the other end good enough for another win. So…White at 3-0-3…nine points…just tuning up for the second season, at this point. Tropical Blue…0-5-2…just three games left to play with hope (against hope) that winning out may get them into the final playoff spot. That hoping starts this Sunday as they take on color cousins, Aqua, while White look to remain undefeated (and help Tropical Blue in the process, incidentally) against cut-line-adjacent Purple.

Captain Emily Bennington’s Red has shared basement accommodations with Tropical Blue and Black all season, and while they have a ‘game in hand’ on Tropical Blue, and while they have proven they are capable of…you know…actual quantifiable offense, unlike Black, they have also reached the MUST WIN phase of their dismal Winter 2023 campaign. The back door is open (TWSS) for Red (more on this in a bit), but a loss to run and gun Charcoal in Week Ten would certainly not help their chances. Spoiler alert…they lost to Charcoal. The first period was not only scoreless, but the two teams managed a combined FIVE shots…one shot for either side every two minutes…wow. The shot totals ramped up considerably in the second period, but only for Charcoal, and one of those shots found a home behind Nick Vacchio to break the scoring seal, and put Red in an all too familiar position going into the third. That second period game-winner came off the stick of Owen Perks (from Mark Ennsmann), who is really doing his all to keep pace in the press with brother, Silas. Perks rattled off his second and third goals of the game in the third, and assisted on Ennsmann’s tally at the top of the period to bring his goal total on the season to eleven (tied for first with Eric Herrmann), and his point total to seventeen (one back of Herrmann). So, basically, if you have The Perks Boys™ on the same team, you’d win every game something like 17-0…give or take. Vacchio (17/21) was very sharp, and did all he could in the losing effort, but the operative word here is ‘losing’, and that is a word with which Red can no longer afford to be associated if they want to play into May. Don Tran (7/7) returned from his whirlwind vacation and got all suited up to stop seven whole shots…not the stuff of legends, but it’s not his fault the team in front of him is that strong. So…about that backdoor (TWSS) for Red…they have four games remaining. They face a tough challenger this Sunday in Maroon, but if they can generate more than seven shots against Deppensmith, they can expect more than zero goals. They then have Tropical Blue…a very beatable team that has been very beaten this season, Purple…a team Red would need to pass, and a team that has lived as close to the cut line as any team ‘in playoff position’ has all season, then one final hurdle in Aqua to wrap the regular season. Is a Red playoff berth likely…no. Is it possible…yes. Red can at least take solace in the fact that they have a certain amount of ‘berth control’ heading into their final four games.

Our cover team, Royal Blue, are probably overdue for some attention…some hype…maybe even a little Cup buzz. Captain Janet Goins’ team has, by most standards, ‘flown under the radar’ to this point, in spite of waging an impressive march toward the tippy top of the standings ladder. Were it not for a 4-0 loss to Purple, a game in which they were without the services of Nik Thompson, Glenn Pinto, and a scrappy role player by the name of Eric Herrmann, and an absolutely last millisecond (perhaps…extra millisecond) tie with White, this team might be 6-0-1, atop the standings, and (for now, anyway), holding the high ground on their April 23rd opponent, Silver. Yes, I know, if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas, but…my point is that this is a damn good team that is maybe not getting their due in the ‘lamestream media’ (that’s me, in this case). Aqua (one of ‘the other blues’) has held their own this season, but quite honestly have yet to earn the kind of respect and buzz as the teams at the top of the standings have proven they deserve. They entered the fray with Royal Blue at 2-1-2, with just ONE player on their roster having recorded more than one goal through five games (David Schlatter). Eric Herrmann has a lot of goals this season, and he had the first one in this tilt, converting a pass from Captain Janet Goins into a 1-0 lead at 5:33 in the first. It was the captain herself doubling the damage less than a minute later, on a fluky/bouncy passing play from Kyle Prior. Down two, with Matt Rogers headed to the box for roughing up Carl Vankoughnett at 3:25 in the second, the situation looked grim for Captain Steph Palomo Schmidt & Company. Enter the aforementioned Schlatter, racing onto an outlet pass from Anthony Cerasuolo to cut the lead in half on the penalty kill, and give life to a limp Aqua bench. It was Schlatter again early in the third, scoring from distance (from Matt Rogers and Chris Tran) to knot the score at two apiece, and bring an already heated match to a boiling point. In hindsight, I regret congratulating Erin Plone on her first career SDFHL goal before the opening faceoff. That is because Erin Plone scored her second career SDFHL goal in this one (from Herrmann and Glenn Pinto) following her own rebound to slide the game-winner past a baffled Tran to seal the deal for Royal Blue, 3-2 over Aqua. I think maybe my pat on the back was the push in the right direction (well, the wrong direction, for me) here. Were it not for Chris Tran (21/24…and, oh yeah, an assist!), this game would not have been as close as it was. Nick Meglich (18/20) was no slouch on his end of the rink, stopping a good number of quality chances, including at least one Schlatter breakaway. The win has Royal Blue at 4-1-2, tied with Charcoal at ten points, and one point behind Silver for the catbird seat. Intrigue abounds, as both Charcoal and Silver remain on Royal Blue’s regular season slate…place your bets, and bring your popcorn. Aqua, meanwhile, will lick their wounds, and look to officially punch their playoff ticket with a strong showing in their remaining four games.

To say that Captain Shelby Shattuck and her ‘Black Widow’ have had a rough season is a pretty massive understatement…it’s a Hindenburg-level tragedy. With five games in the books, and zero (yes, zero) goals in that 0-4-1 span, the playoff door was already only VERY slightly ajar as Black took to the court against Olive in Week Ten, with the sense being that this might be the week that door slams shut for good. Olive came in riding a league-best three game win streak, flipping the script on what might have been their on horror story season after an 0-2-0 start. Olive’s resurgence has largely been led by Josh Kosh B’Gosh™ (Wirt and Tran), with the two accounting for the lion’s share of goals and assists over that stretch, but the hero role was played on this night by Erin Dowrey. Dowrey scored first for Olive in the first (from Wirt), assisted on Will Heinl’s game-winner later in the first, and sealed the win with an empty-netter in the final minute of play to snatch first star honors with a 2 and 1 showing. But…wait…Pope…surely I have misread the previous sentence…or, you have clearly made an error! If the second Olive goal was the ‘game-winner’, then…that would mean that Black actually scored a goal. Please explain how this is possible. Faithful reader, I do understand your confusion, but I can assure you that BLACK ACTUALLY DID SCORE A GOAL! Now, granted, I am told it was something of an odd/broken/fluky play, but Mike Chiaco (who else) finally broke the scoring curse for Black (from Justin Stege), and actually made this one a game down to the bitter end. That bitter end was a 3-1 loss…another on the pile for Black, and another in the sprint the other way for Olive. In all seriousness, congratulations on ending this historic streak, Black! Captain Shattuck and the gang will have to settle for the moral victory, as it may well be the only kind of victory they manage this season. At 0-5-1, with two of their remaining games coming against the likes of White and Silver…I feel confident in the assessment that this team is officially done. Hopefully they are able to just relax and enjoy the rest of the season…maybe score a few more goals…stay healthy, and live to fight another season. Zach Siemer (10/11) may suffer the stain of being the only goalie to have allowed a Black goal this season, but he is also now 2-0-0 with a snazzy .926/1.00 since coming on as Olive’s regular backstop. His efforts have helped to extend Olive’s win streak to four, and Captain Wendy Enright’s team is quickly becoming that ‘team you don’t want to draw’ come playoff time.

Silver Belles

Week 9:

Don't let the 'boss bitch' look fool you...Captain Audrey Stratton's Silver is clearly a band of bosses, but certainly nobody's bitch. The first half frontrunners sit poised and pretty on a throne made of other teams' broken dreams, and appear focused on expanding their empire all the way to the fabled Cuplands. It remains to be seen whether any can defeat them, let alone unseat them, as we turn to the second half of our wet, winding Winter season...
Don’t let the ‘boss bitch’ look fool you…Captain Audrey Stratton’s Silver is clearly a band of bosses, but certainly nobody’s bitch. The first half frontrunners sit poised and pretty on a throne made of other teams’ broken dreams, and appear focused on expanding their empire all the way to the fabled Cuplands. It remains to be seen whether any can defeat them, let alone unseat them, as we turn to the second half of our wet, winding Winter season…

Cockroaches, Marvel super villains, the giant chicken on Family Guy…all things that are ‘hard to kill’. We can officially add ‘Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft’s ‘White Hot Flashes’ to that list…maybe the top of that list, after another ridiculous reversal of fortune kept her team out of the loss column and one point closer to a playoff position. A scoreless first elapsed with both teams advancing, retreating, and trying to find their form. Ezra Cohen checked in with his first of the season at 8:40 in the second to put Maroon out front (from Vinny Santora), but Young Canuck™ POTW, Brennan Abel responded minutes later to bring the ledger level. A Jeff Henderson trip to the box for tripping found Maroon short-handed, but John Boddy found a short-handed goal (from super sub, Deborah Finucane) with just 0:22 to go in the middle frame, putting Captain Leah Gonzales’ group out front, 2-1. Joe Malki struck at 8:37 in the third, then recorded the primary assist on (really super sub) Finucane’s goal-flavored contribution to build Maroon’s lead to a sturdy, sizeable 4-1 bulge. This is when White did what White does…break your back with a killer comeback. Abel drew White within two (from super sub, Sadie Hellstrom, and Geoff Downes) at 4:22, then Phil Nguyen (from Hellstrom, again) made it 4-3 with 1:27 to play. White continued to press, pulling Chuck Bender (14/18) to allow for an extra attacker. A frantic final minute saw White swarming…sparing no effort in their push to complete another cosmically confounding coup. Brennan Abel…from a long line of Abels…so named because they are able to create facts from fable…backhand snap…0:22…4-4 is your final, folks…another non-loss for White, and a tough one point pill for Maroon…incredible! White, who by all rights could/should be 2-2-1, now sit at 2-0-3, very much in the hunt for the playoff cat bird seat, and forever brimming with confidence from here out, no matter what the score, and what the time on the clock. Maroon, who had all but counted their third win of the season, now sit at a sample platter 2-2-2 in the mushy middle of the standings with four games left on their slate.

The irresistible force that is Charcoal (twenty-seven goals in five games coming into Week Nine) met the immovable object that is Silver’s Silas Perks, who had allowed just four goals in four games coming in to the showdown. The result was…what you would expect? Zach Salt gave his goalie a one goal lead with his third of the season late in the third (from Arnold Gonzales), and one is quite often all you need with King Silas suited up behind you. Charcoal pressed for the equalizer, and Silver sought insurance, but neither team did any damage in the second, leaving everything on the line going into the final ten minutes of play. Zach Siemer (15/17) was certainly solid in Don Tran’s stead, but Matt Gottfried converted a Justin Ker pass to double the lead for Silver with 5:33 to play, and a two goal lead is almost always a winning edge for Perks. Spoiler alert, it was exactly the winning edge in this one, as Perks (20/20) stuck the dismount on another monster effort, earning his fourth win on the season in Silver’s 2-0 tiptoe past the titans of twine-tickling. The win keeps Silver lossless through the first half of their season at 4-0-1, alone atop the standings pile with nine points. Perks himself remains parked in the prime spot on the goalie stats table with a gaudy .964/0.80/2 SO line. Charcoal will definitely have a possible playoff rematch with Silver circled on their calendar, and will hope that the their co-leader in goal scoring, Kalen Hunter, will be in the lineup for that one. The player who shares that goal scoring lead for Charcoal…Owen Perks! The rematch story lines (and the Thanksgiving table smack talk) is writing itself, folks…

It is becoming more and more difficult to convey the depths of utter futility that Captain Shelby Shattuck’s ‘Black Widow’ have reached through the first half of their season. They limped into Week Nine with zero wins, ZERO goals, and just one point in the standings, which was, of course, the result of a ZERO-ZERO tie with basement buddies, Tropical Blue. Still, they had reason to believe that the fifth time would be the charm, as they lined up against an 0-4-0 Red team…the only team with less points in the standings….but also a team at least as desperate to change their fate. The first period…no surprises…scoreless, with a mere eight shots combined, and no sign of a clear edge for either side. Rob Gaudio finally broke the seal with his second in as many games (from Brother Joe™ and Mostafa Azab), to give Red that edge, and put Black (once again) on edge. After all, if you have failed to score though the first thirteen periods of the season, you have to start feeling like it may never happen. The 1-0 Red lead held well into the third period, with the clock steadily eroding Black’s morale, and Nick Meglich (10/10) remaining strong in a sub stint for Nick Vacchio. Brother Joe™ added the final nail in an already shut and sealed coffin with just 0:35 to play, taking any chance of a point out of play for Black, who once again failed to muster a single goal in the 2-0 soul-crushing loss. Matt Henderson (11/13) was forced to swallow another L, all while watching his team’s NOffence register their fifth straight goal-free game. Without grinding through piles of historical stats, I feel confident in stating that this is the worst scoreless stretch for any team in 25+ years of SDFHL play. You cannot win if you cannot score, and Black has now managed an entire half of a season without so much as a lucky bounce to their credit. It’s a bit too early to start with the math, but Black will almost certainly need to win four of their remaining five games if they have any hope of making the playoffs. Baby steps…they will need to score A SINGLE FUCKING GOAL against Olive this Sunday, as a start. The win gets Captain Emily Bennington’s side off the schnide, but at 1-4-0, they still have a long way to go to second season safety. A second straight win will be a major challenge, as they face an angry, overpowered Charcoal in Week Ten.

Captain Kyra Forsyth’s Tropical Blue entered Week Nine with the same sad, solitary point in the standings as Black…but with one more notch in the games played column. The bright side…they came in to their match with Royal Blue knowing that they could score the occasional goal, with half a dozen in the bank through their 0-4-1 first half. Captain Janet Biggerstaff Goins’ team had to like their chances in the Battle Of Two Blue Hues, as their roster features two players who themselves had already matched or bettered Tropical’s goal totals to that point in the season. Those two players, Eric Herrmann and Carl Vankoughnett, had to be licking their chops at the chance to perpetuate one of the most shocking storylines of the first half…that Sean Kelly appears to be mortal! A scoreless first saw both Kelly and Nick Meglich steady and focused, but Herrmann did find a way past the former in the second (from Glenn Pinto and Vankoughnett) to give Royal Blue a 1-0 lead. That lead lasted exactly forty seconds, as Andy Strathman (from Ian Crooks and Dan Jurgens) struck back for Tropical Blue at 2:17 in the second to even things at one apiece. A scoreless third meant that both Kelly (18/19) and Meglich (16/17) would tip their respective caps to one another in a 1-1 tie. Tropical is ‘trending in the right direction’ now, with points in consecutive games, but you cannot crawl your way to the podium in a foot race, and they remain very much on the outside of the playoff picture looking in now at 0-4-2. The door to May games could be all but slammed closed on Tropical’s stormy season if they can’t find a way to stun (the unkillable) ‘White Hot Flashes’ in Week Ten. The tie puts the ‘point’ in disappointment for Royal Blue, who could have matched Silver’s nine spot with a win, but there is really no doubt that this this shade of blue’s true colors will propel them to the playoffs.

Captain Wendy Enright’s Olive found themselves pitted in their first two games of the season, but pleasantly pimentoed (new verb the kids are all using) in their third and fourth turns, leaving them at 2-2-0, and riding a two game win streak into their first half finale. Captain Kerri Sevenbergen’s Purple took a decidedly more jagged jog into Week Nine, with blowout loss, blowout win, blowout loss, narrow win, and tepid tie their story coming into the Week Nine nightcap. Olive looked to keep their winning ways whirring, while Purple hoped to break that broken pattern, string together strong starts, and boost their confidence and playoff security in the process. Josh Tran made his opening argument for maintaining the ‘winning ways’, putting Olive on top with an unassisted strike at 8:20 in the first. Jon Salt presented his case for ‘breaking the broken pattern’ with his seventh of the season at 6:13 in the second (from Mark Nagy). The third period would be the judge, and Josh Wirt brought his robe, his gavel, and a bag full of gravel to bury Purple with a late pair of goals to keep Olive rolling confidently, and Purple rocking precariously, 3-1. Wirt’s game-winner came courtesy of a helping hand from Captain Enright at 2:13, and the empty net nail was hammered home by Josh & Josh Construction & Demolition™ (Wirt from Tran). Purple enter their bye week at 2-3-1, which would have them wringing their hands in playoff peril most any other season. This is not any other season, though, and the odds of Red or Tropical Blue closing the current three point cut off line gap while Purple sit idle are slim, at best. Meanwhile, the win pushes Olive’s record to the winning side at 3-2-0, and makes them officially the ‘hottest team in the league’, having won three straight. In fact, only one other team (front running Silver) has matched that streak at any point this season. They will hope to bump the run to four this Sunday against a beaten, beleaguered Black side.

Damper

Another Sunday, another W for the Rain Goddess. At this rate, we are aiming to finish the ‘Winter’ season sometime in August…maybe September…do I hear October? We hope to resume action this Sunday, but if the skies should open up again, I hope you will all do the right thing and send angry texts and emails to Carl…

So…another rainout, but I went back and typed up the Week Five recaps! So, fresh content (related to a stale subject)…ENJOY!

Tail Spin

Captain Emily Bennington and the (torturously named) ‘Emilya EaRED-HEART’ had hoped to soar high and go far like their pioneering namesake (shown above, in front of…appropriately enough…her red plane). Sadly, the SDFHL homage to this historical heroine has so far stuck strictly to the ‘crashing, and disappearing forever’ portion of Earhart’s story. At 0-4-0, now officially the only team with zero points, there is nowhere to go but up, and not much time to gain enough altitude in the standings to fly into the playoffs…

Unless you skipped the headline blurb, or have a VERY short short term memory, you know that our cover team is making the paper for all the wrong reasons. Their bout with Captain Janet Goins’ Royal Blue kicked off the Week Seven slate, and (again, in case your memory is as tragically awful as the 2022-23 San Jose Sharks) it did not go well for Captain Emily Bennington’s Red side. Scott Wieland did put the winless whelps on the board first at 8:47 in the first period, but PPOTW (the extra P is for pity), Carl Vankoughnett, called…then raised that challenge with his first two tallies of the night to give Blue the lead heading out of the first frame. A scoreless second set up a thrilling third in which we (finally) got our first Rob Gaudio sighting of the season (speaking of people who have disappeared mysteriously). Gaudio’s power play strike at 8:34 was answered just over a minute later by Old Man Vankoughnett, giving Blue back the lead. Hima Joshi entered the fray with her first of the season at 5:29 to re-knot the score at 3-3, but it was Vankoughnett again, this time with the helping hand on Eric Herrmann’s game-winner at 4:02. Nick Meglich (13/16) held strong in nets to earn the 4-3 win for Royal Blue, who improve to 3-1-1 moving into the halfway point in the season. Nick Vacchio’s valiance was once again in vain, as his 26/30 effort was not enough to prevent another hard luck loss. Needless to say, Captain Bennington and Red will need to achieve liftoff ASAP if they want to avoid being grounded for the playoffs. Their season is all but officially on a wing and a prayer as they face a tough challenge in Aqua this Sunday.

The Gift Of The Magi, Romeo & Juliet, Black v Tropical Blue…all tragic tales of ironic fate, each one sadder than the next. Two winless, desperate teams met in Week Seven, and yes, ladies and gentlemen…both teams left winless! The icing on the cake in the rain…neither team scored a single goal. If you’re scoring at home, Black has still yet to score…at all. That’s twelve full periods of scoreless hockey to start the season…not so much as a lucky bounce into the opponent’s net. Tropical Blue has six goals this so far this season, thank you very much, but what they really needed was a win. What both teams got was what the really didn’t need…another non-win. It’s perhaps the most deliciously depressing outcome in league history…mutually assured destruction by way of futility. If you subscribe to silver linings, both teams did earn their first point in the 0-0 draw, with Matt Henderson earning first AND third star honors with an applause-worthy 25/25 sparkler, and Sean Kelly returning to ‘Da Kid’ form with a 13/13 clean sheet. Both teams can also now look down at a team for the first time this season, with Red still stuck in the starting blocks at 0-4-0. There is still time for one or both of these teams to claw their way back into the playoff picture, but math is a cruel mistress, and splitting the two points in this game is really just another loss for both teams…sad.

From have-nots, to haves, the evening shifted to a battle of unbeatens, with Captain Audrey Stratton’s surprisingly stout Silver side taking on Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft’s well-rounded White. Just to complete the ‘opposite side of the coin’ comparison completely, both lossless teams left lossless! Sadie Hellstrom put Silver in front at 6:54 in the first with her third of the season (from Arnold Gonzales and Ramsey Ksar), but Young Canuck™ super stud, Brennan Abel, responded for White early in the second (from Old Man Linke) to put the teams on even footing through two. Ramsey Ksar would notch a second assist on Justin Ker’s go ahead marker for Silver at 7:32 in the third, but Abel was not done contributing for White, this time providing the helper on Geoff Downes’ power play leveler with 3:02 to play. The 2-2 tie was a strong result for both sides (as opposed to the bitter back breaker a one point result was for Black and Tropical Blue). Both teams are now firmly entrenched in the upper half of the standings, and both hold a game in hand over every other team with five points or more. All of that is well and good, but what was GREAT was (once again) the play of Silas Perks in nets for Silver. Perks turned aside 28/30 to remain unbeaten on the season, and untouched at the top of the goalie stats stacks (that one’s for you, Chris). Chuck Bender (12/14) turned in a fine performance at the other end as well, in what continues to be a statement season for the seasoned statesman. His 2-0-2/.871/2.00 line has him third in the goalie parade this season, and he has been a reliable last line of defense so far for a clear contender.

Parity is great and all, but three draws in one night is down right FIFA-riffic. The nil-nil Black/Tropical Blue fixture (love that this is somehow the term for ‘game’ in Britspeak), then the 2-2 Silver/White sister kiss (more fun with slang), then Aqua and Purple completing the tepid trilogy with a 1-1 grinder. If you read the front page last week, or were lucky enough to bear live witness, Janice Darlington scored an absolutely world class goal, wristing home a roof job past Silas Perks (current king of goalie kings) to the jaw-dropped joy of everyone in eye shot. Fast forward to Week Seven, and it was lesser Darlington half, Tom, doing to the sniping, burying a centering feed from Mark DeGraffenreid past Patrick Theis to give Aqua a 1-0 edge late in the first. Seriously, I don’t know what is in the water at the Darlington Manor, but…I need some of that scoring punch. They’re both smart cookies, so they’re probably just watching educational videos on the subject. Whatever the case, it’s working…and working wonders for my assist numbers (which are the only numbers I have). Brandon Olsen would settle the score (for good) in the second, finishing a feed from Jon Salt who had his work boots on for a fair stretch below the goal line to make something out of nothing. Chris Tran (17/18) was sharp as ever, despite coming off a personal two week hiatus to treat his addiction to popping bubble wrap (or vacation or something…I don’t pry), and Patrick Theis made his SDFHL HOF father proud with a brilliant 28/29 outing. Much like Silver and White, the 1-1 tie keeps both teams purring along out of harm’s way, running at the point-or-so per game clip needed to secure a playoff position come late April.

Leave it to Captain Shawna Hamon and ‘CoCoal Chanel’ to call the cops on the raging parity party that was Week Seven. Captain Leah Gonzales and Maroon came into the match looking like confident contenders, but Charcoal has a habit of playing ‘to the pain‘, and making mighty look meek. They added seven goals to their gaudy season stash of TWENTY SEVEN in this one, and have once again forced me into recapping this game with a comma separated list of accomplishments in lieu of my signature flowery prose. Kalen Hunter (unassisted), Kalen Hunter (from Chris Tran), Owen Perks (from Tran and Mark Ennsmann), Perks (unassisted), Ennsmann (from Parsa Mostafavi), Chris Tran (unassisted), and Mark Ennsmann (from Perks). Two in the first, three in the second, and two more in the third to dispatch Maroon with sickening ease, 7-2. Maroon did keep it a game through the first half of the proceedings, as Chris Malki found twine at 0:59 in the first, and John Boddy’s hot hand tied things (VERY) temporarily at 2-2 early in the second. Don Tran (12/14) turned in another winning performance, while Steve Deppensmith (11/17) felt the full sting of a seven spot in the loss. Maroon will have bounce back on the brain this Sunday, as they line up against a 2-2-0 Olive, while Sean Kelly will have to be in full Sean Kelly mode for Tropical Blue to keep Charcoal from hitting the mid 30’s in goals scored through six games…scary stuff, people!

Suff(e)rage

Week 6:

Captain Audrey Stratton’s Silver side has been enjoying lavish meals, afternoons by the pool, and weekly spa treatments at the W Hotel to this point in the season, and several other teams have been racking up points and stashing them in an IRA, or some offshore tax shelter. It’s nice to see teams do well, but we should also keep the less fortunate in mind. Red, Tropical Blue, and Black are now a combined 0-10-0, with Black having failed to score a single goal through three games! I’m not suggesting that these teams are open to charitable contributions, but if they don’t find a way to make ends meet soon, they will all remain below the cut line, with no playoff ballot to cast come May…

Captain Leah Gonzales’ Maroon rolled into Week Six on a…well, roll, having dispatched their last two opponents after an opening week push with Aqua. Captain Janet Goins and Blue came in reeling a bit, having won big in their first outing, lost big in their second, then suffered the lasting sting of a beyond brutal buzzer beater (?) against White in Week Five. Would the waves of woe continue to lash Blue’s shores, or would Maroon experience bad times at the L Royale for the first time this season? A busy first period held no answers, as Eric Herrmann’s opener for Blue was met minutes later with John Boddy’s equalizer, and followed by a Chris Malki strike to put Maroon in front. Nik Thompson brought Blue back level, and the first frame closed at 2-2. A scoreless second period kept the tension tingling, and left both teams primed for celebration, and braced for failure. Enter Erin Plone…scoring her first SDFHL goal at 6:49, on an assist from Kyle Prior to account for the game-winner (CONGRATULATIONS)! If you predicted ‘Plone from Prior to seal Maroon’s fate’, I would like you to buy my lottery tickets, and join me on trips to the casino from here on out. The milestone marker was followed quickly by a contribution from perhaps the most predictable combo in the land (Carl Vankoughnett from Eric Herrmann), then it was Herrmann from Thompson on the powerplay to put the final notch on the 5-2 belt for Blue. Nick Meglich (13/15) jumped right back on the track after the crazy, controversial ending against White that saw his win wiped away, while Steve Deppensmith’s lossless streak came to crashing halt with a 19/24 effort.

Early season losses don’t always spell doom for an SDFHL team. There is often a ‘settling in’ period with the new mix of players, and there may be other factors (attendance being the primary) that can make for a slow start out of the gate. Still, with only ten games on the slate, a playoff team typically needs at least eight or nine points to survive to the second season. That would be something like a 3-4-3 record. Unfortunately for Captain Kyra Forsyth and Tropical Blue, the four in the middle of that string is now firmly in place, after falling flat again in their fourth attempt to fly. Nick Vacchio, who has actually had a downright heroic and impressive season thus far (in vain), got the starving dogs on the board first in the first, but Mark Nagy was quick (:33 seconds later quick) to answer for Purple, making it 1-1 through one. Eusebio Brown found his first of the season (perhaps his career?) from Christopher Fiore in the second to put Tropical Blue back on top in the second, but Purple prevailed with a pair in the third…Weston Nawrocki from Jon Salt to tie it, then solo Salt to win in, 3-2 Purple over Tropical Blue. Patrick Theis (12/14) leveled his record at 2-2-0, bouncing back nicely from a 6-1 beatdown in Week Five, while Sean Kelly (13/16) suffered his fourth loss in what is quickly becoming THE story of the season, thus far. Unfortunately for Tropical Blue, that is a very scary story, and one that is unlikely to have a happy ending. Week Seven finds them in a crucial showdown with fellow winless wonders, Black. A win could be all they need to start trending in the right direction, while a loss…time to start looking into ‘fun things to do on Sunday evenings in San Diego in May’…

Captain Wendy Enright’s Olive was pitted (see what I did there) against two of the tougher teams in the league in their first two weeks of play, resulting in two losses. With goalie Cory Brin still lingering in limbo with a shoulder injury, a significantly short-benched Olive turned to Chuck Bender in Week Five to turn things around…against Tropical Blue. If you read the previous paragraph, you know how that game ended, and with it ended Olive’s winless ways. They hoped to throttle that trend in a Week Six meeting with Captain Emily Bennington’s Red. If you happened to read the headline blurb, you also know how this one ended…with Olive prevailing 3-1 to even their record at 2-2-0, and keep Red in the early season losers’ lounge at 0-3-0. A scoreless first saw Red outshoot Olive 6-3, but super sub, Nick Meglich (13/14), held the fort while his surrogate team fumbled for their offensive form. They found that form in the second period, with Will Heinl (from Jason Northrup and Josh Tran) breaking the scoring seal at 1:20 to play in the middle period, and Josh Wirt following with the game-winner at 0:39 (from Dr. Gary Peters, MD). An early third period strike from Mostafa Azab had Red back in reach of their first positive outcome, but London Peters (from Wirt) sealed the deal, and sentenced Red to another tough loss. At the risk of beating a dying (possibly dead) horse, Red will really need to hit reverse on their current course ASAP if they have any hope of pushing into the playoffs. They face a tough challenge in Royal Blue this Sunday, then another against Aqua in Week Eight. They will need points in one or both of those games, or the season will start to look, feel, and frankly straight up be lost. Olive pull into their bye week at 2-2-0, with Zach Siemer coming in as a permanent replacement for Cory Brin in nets. An even record, a stable goalie situation, a two game win streak, and a rested, recovered team…all good things.

Silas Perks is something special. He was the backbone of Captain Jon Champine’s champion Green team in his rookie season, and he has been about as close to untouchable as it gets so far in his sophomore stint. His numbers (.968/0.67/1 SO) through the first three games of the season are gaudy, but somehow barely illustrated just how dominant he has been. All of this excellence provides a perfect backdrop/amplifier to one of the most badass snipes this league has ever seen, as Janice Darlington caught a pass on the right side, moved in a few steps, and snapped a shelf-rattler over Perks’ shoulder to stun everyone within a five mile radius, and put Aqua out in front, 1-0. Seriously, folks…I get chills thinking about it…it was insane. Unfortunately for Captain Stephanie Palomo Schmidt, that sublime strike was by no means a sign of an unraveling for Perks, but rather the…only goal he would allow all game *sad trombone*. Matt Gottfried leveled the ledger in the second period (from Zach Salt and Ramsey Ksar), and a Benny Hill inspired third period for Aqua meant that the lead, and plenty of insurance would follow, ultimately resulting in a 4-1 Silver win. Sadie Hellstrom tucked home the rare short-handed game-winner early in the final frame, Justin Ker’s furious solo forecheck led to the third tally, and Gottfried capped his night and the scoring with empty net icing. So, once again, Silas Perks (18/19) laughed last and loudest (not that he would actually do that…far to nice a lad), keeping Silver a perfect 3-0-0, and furthering the narrative that he is now the best goalie in the league…indeed, one of the most valuable players in the league, regardless of position. Nick Vacchio (15/18) was sharp, but ultimately at the mercy of the team in front of him…an Aqua side who certainly had moments of confusion and lack of focus. It is the first loss of the season for Aqua, but they will definitely need a better effort against Purple this Sunday if they hope to avoid their second L in as many weeks.

Captain Shelby Shattuck’s ‘Black Widow’, ironically, has no bite at all, let alone a deadly one. While the team is by no means feared/startling/scary like their namesake, their numbers thus far this season are absolutely the stuff of nightmares. Zero wins, three losses, zero goals scored, fifteen goals allowed, and a shot differential of -22…*shudder*. It did not help that the Week Six opponent was the de facto early season juggernaut, Charcoal. By comparison, Charcoal stands at 3-1-1, with TWENTY goals for, eight goals allowed, and a +19 shot differential. To say that this one was lopsided would be like saying ‘Kid Rock is maybe not the most talented dude…his ‘music’ is not the best’ (it would be a massive understatement, lest you are a fan of talentless, stringy haired rednecks). Owen Perks took the torch from his much-ballyhooed bro, notching the first goal at 3:53 in the first (from Mark Ennsmann and Parsa Mostafavi), and Jackson Tomaszewski followed with his SDFHL career first (CONGRATULATIONS!) from Captain Shawna Hamon and Perks to make it 2-0. The floodgates opened in the second period, as Kalen Hunter converted a Tomaszewski feed, Perks’ tallied a second on the night (from Ennsmann), Ennsmann snapped home one of his own, then assisted on Ryan Loughran’s second of the season (with second assist to Captain Hamon). The score after two would hold through as the final, Charcoal over Black, 6-0. Major kudos are due Captain Hamon for moving her most dangerous forward back to play defense for the second half of this game. They did not stop trying, and there was nothing patronizing about the move, nor their play from there out…it was just a small change that showed big sportsmanship…at least in this reporter’s eyes. Oh….look who was filling in between the pipes for Charcoal…Silas Perks! His 13/13 clean sheet clearly wasn’t the big difference in this game, but it did mean another scoreless outing for the beaten and beleaguered Black. Chuck Bender (19/25) took the lumps and the loss in place of Matt Henderson, who is scheduled to return for this Sunday’s big showdown between Black and the only other team with more losses to this point, Tropical Blue. If Captain Shattuck can get attendance from her big pieces, and those big pieces can FINALLY break the scoring drought, it could be the turning point they have been looking for. If not, you can all but consider this spider crushed.