You’ll forgive me for sounding like a broken record in these recaps, but Silas Perks looks to be on pace to break some records this season…I’m just trying to be like him. Silver and Maroon are both good teams, but Perks makes the former great, and continues to make opponents look, well…’meh’. With the goaltender being the only player on a team who is on the court for the entire game (unless he/she gets pulled in the waning minutes), having a great one gives you a great chance of prevailing…this is simple math. So, in a matchup between the (statistically) best goalie in the league and the worst, it should probably come as no surprise that the former won…handily. You do have to score goals to win, no matter who your goalie is, and Zach Salt did the honors (with honors) in this one, opening and closing the scoring in the first period for Silver, completing his hat trick in the third, and assisting on the only two Silver goals that he didn’t score himself (Matt Gottfried’s game-winner in the first, and Sadie Hellstrom’s insurance marker in the second). That’s five total goals, which is WAY more than enough when you have King Silas behind you. Perks (19/20) collected his fifth win on the season, keeping his team at ease throughout, and keeping Silver at the top of the pile at 5-0-1. Steve Deppensmith (11/16) saw his record (and his team’s, in turn) fall below .500 with the 5-1 loss, having been afforded only a fifth the goal support of his counterpart — Chris Malki’s fourth of the season late in the second period. Silver will look to add to their already impressive win total this Sunday, when they take on Black…a team that has exactly the opposite record (0-5-1), and has scored just ONE goal all season. Maroon will look to bounce back against Red (AKA…’The Other Maroon’), who have also failed to find their footing this season at 1-5-0.

The only team other than Silver without a loss this season put that mark on the line against a desperate, nearly down and out for good Tropical Blue side. Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft’s squad has proven to be the most resilient and least put-away-able team this season, by far, having survived the clock against Royal Blue, a three goal deficit with four minutes to play against Maroon, and even managing a tie against the well-oiled winning machine that is Silver. In short, you’d expect a fair amount of confidence from White as they strode onto the court in Week Ten, and you would certainly expect no panic to set in when Nick Vacchio converted on the powerplay (from Ian Crooks and Luke Wolmer) to draw first blood for Tropical Blue at 2:58 in the first. You’d be very right in assuming that White would bounce right back, as Vance Morra evened the tide just 1:20 later, scoring on one of twelve (!) first period shots for the favorites. Sean Kelly (27/29) has had a shaky season (especially by his lofty standards), but he was (paradoxically) ‘The Old Kid’ in this one, keeping Tropical Blue in it from start to finish. Unfortunately for Captain Kyra Forsyth’s crew, that score at the finish was 2-1 in White’s favor, and even more unfortunately, this loss may be the one that finishes them for good. Morra came through again in the third period, as well, but this time providing the helping hand on Geoff Downes’ game-winner at 4:37, wasting Kelly’s vintage valiance, and making the ho-hum effort from Chuck Bender (9/10) at the other end good enough for another win. So…White at 3-0-3…nine points…just tuning up for the second season, at this point. Tropical Blue…0-5-2…just three games left to play with hope (against hope) that winning out may get them into the final playoff spot. That hoping starts this Sunday as they take on color cousins, Aqua, while White look to remain undefeated (and help Tropical Blue in the process, incidentally) against cut-line-adjacent Purple.

Captain Emily Bennington’s Red has shared basement accommodations with Tropical Blue and Black all season, and while they have a ‘game in hand’ on Tropical Blue, and while they have proven they are capable of…you know…actual quantifiable offense, unlike Black, they have also reached the MUST WIN phase of their dismal Winter 2023 campaign. The back door is open (TWSS) for Red (more on this in a bit), but a loss to run and gun Charcoal in Week Ten would certainly not help their chances. Spoiler alert…they lost to Charcoal. The first period was not only scoreless, but the two teams managed a combined FIVE shots…one shot for either side every two minutes…wow. The shot totals ramped up considerably in the second period, but only for Charcoal, and one of those shots found a home behind Nick Vacchio to break the scoring seal, and put Red in an all too familiar position going into the third. That second period game-winner came off the stick of Owen Perks (from Mark Ennsmann), who is really doing his all to keep pace in the press with brother, Silas. Perks rattled off his second and third goals of the game in the third, and assisted on Ennsmann’s tally at the top of the period to bring his goal total on the season to eleven (tied for first with Eric Herrmann), and his point total to seventeen (one back of Herrmann). So, basically, if you have The Perks Boys™ on the same team, you’d win every game something like 17-0…give or take. Vacchio (17/21) was very sharp, and did all he could in the losing effort, but the operative word here is ‘losing’, and that is a word with which Red can no longer afford to be associated if they want to play into May. Don Tran (7/7) returned from his whirlwind vacation and got all suited up to stop seven whole shots…not the stuff of legends, but it’s not his fault the team in front of him is that strong. So…about that backdoor (TWSS) for Red…they have four games remaining. They face a tough challenger this Sunday in Maroon, but if they can generate more than seven shots against Deppensmith, they can expect more than zero goals. They then have Tropical Blue…a very beatable team that has been very beaten this season, Purple…a team Red would need to pass, and a team that has lived as close to the cut line as any team ‘in playoff position’ has all season, then one final hurdle in Aqua to wrap the regular season. Is a Red playoff berth likely…no. Is it possible…yes. Red can at least take solace in the fact that they have a certain amount of ‘berth control’ heading into their final four games.

Our cover team, Royal Blue, are probably overdue for some attention…some hype…maybe even a little Cup buzz. Captain Janet Goins’ team has, by most standards, ‘flown under the radar’ to this point, in spite of waging an impressive march toward the tippy top of the standings ladder. Were it not for a 4-0 loss to Purple, a game in which they were without the services of Nik Thompson, Glenn Pinto, and a scrappy role player by the name of Eric Herrmann, and an absolutely last millisecond (perhaps…extra millisecond) tie with White, this team might be 6-0-1, atop the standings, and (for now, anyway), holding the high ground on their April 23rd opponent, Silver. Yes, I know, if ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas, but…my point is that this is a damn good team that is maybe not getting their due in the ‘lamestream media’ (that’s me, in this case). Aqua (one of ‘the other blues’) has held their own this season, but quite honestly have yet to earn the kind of respect and buzz as the teams at the top of the standings have proven they deserve. They entered the fray with Royal Blue at 2-1-2, with just ONE player on their roster having recorded more than one goal through five games (David Schlatter). Eric Herrmann has a lot of goals this season, and he had the first one in this tilt, converting a pass from Captain Janet Goins into a 1-0 lead at 5:33 in the first. It was the captain herself doubling the damage less than a minute later, on a fluky/bouncy passing play from Kyle Prior. Down two, with Matt Rogers headed to the box for roughing up Carl Vankoughnett at 3:25 in the second, the situation looked grim for Captain Steph Palomo Schmidt & Company. Enter the aforementioned Schlatter, racing onto an outlet pass from Anthony Cerasuolo to cut the lead in half on the penalty kill, and give life to a limp Aqua bench. It was Schlatter again early in the third, scoring from distance (from Matt Rogers and Chris Tran) to knot the score at two apiece, and bring an already heated match to a boiling point. In hindsight, I regret congratulating Erin Plone on her first career SDFHL goal before the opening faceoff. That is because Erin Plone scored her second career SDFHL goal in this one (from Herrmann and Glenn Pinto) following her own rebound to slide the game-winner past a baffled Tran to seal the deal for Royal Blue, 3-2 over Aqua. I think maybe my pat on the back was the push in the right direction (well, the wrong direction, for me) here. Were it not for Chris Tran (21/24…and, oh yeah, an assist!), this game would not have been as close as it was. Nick Meglich (18/20) was no slouch on his end of the rink, stopping a good number of quality chances, including at least one Schlatter breakaway. The win has Royal Blue at 4-1-2, tied with Charcoal at ten points, and one point behind Silver for the catbird seat. Intrigue abounds, as both Charcoal and Silver remain on Royal Blue’s regular season slate…place your bets, and bring your popcorn. Aqua, meanwhile, will lick their wounds, and look to officially punch their playoff ticket with a strong showing in their remaining four games.

To say that Captain Shelby Shattuck and her ‘Black Widow’ have had a rough season is a pretty massive understatement…it’s a Hindenburg-level tragedy. With five games in the books, and zero (yes, zero) goals in that 0-4-1 span, the playoff door was already only VERY slightly ajar as Black took to the court against Olive in Week Ten, with the sense being that this might be the week that door slams shut for good. Olive came in riding a league-best three game win streak, flipping the script on what might have been their on horror story season after an 0-2-0 start. Olive’s resurgence has largely been led by Josh Kosh B’Gosh™ (Wirt and Tran), with the two accounting for the lion’s share of goals and assists over that stretch, but the hero role was played on this night by Erin Dowrey. Dowrey scored first for Olive in the first (from Wirt), assisted on Will Heinl’s game-winner later in the first, and sealed the win with an empty-netter in the final minute of play to snatch first star honors with a 2 and 1 showing. But…wait…Pope…surely I have misread the previous sentence…or, you have clearly made an error! If the second Olive goal was the ‘game-winner’, then…that would mean that Black actually scored a goal. Please explain how this is possible. Faithful reader, I do understand your confusion, but I can assure you that BLACK ACTUALLY DID SCORE A GOAL! Now, granted, I am told it was something of an odd/broken/fluky play, but Mike Chiaco (who else) finally broke the scoring curse for Black (from Justin Stege), and actually made this one a game down to the bitter end. That bitter end was a 3-1 loss…another on the pile for Black, and another in the sprint the other way for Olive. In all seriousness, congratulations on ending this historic streak, Black! Captain Shattuck and the gang will have to settle for the moral victory, as it may well be the only kind of victory they manage this season. At 0-5-1, with two of their remaining games coming against the likes of White and Silver…I feel confident in the assessment that this team is officially done. Hopefully they are able to just relax and enjoy the rest of the season…maybe score a few more goals…stay healthy, and live to fight another season. Zach Siemer (10/11) may suffer the stain of being the only goalie to have allowed a Black goal this season, but he is also now 2-0-0 with a snazzy .926/1.00 since coming on as Olive’s regular backstop. His efforts have helped to extend Olive’s win streak to four, and Captain Wendy Enright’s team is quickly becoming that ‘team you don’t want to draw’ come playoff time.

Captain Matt Rogers and ‘The Grape Ones’ entered the playoffs as the eighth seed long shots, and they exited the playoffs the same way. Black had something of an up and down season, but stuck the dismount in Week Nine with a 10-2 lambasting of Blue that pushed the stats totals on the regular season for Brennan Abel to 25 (13 & 12), and Carl Vankoughnett to 22 (11 & 11). Both teams fizzled in their playoff debut, but there was really no question who the favorite was in this match up. Joe Malki threw caution to that prevailing wind, scoring just 0:34 into the first to prop Purple up 1-0, and send a shock of tension through the Black ranks. Carl Vankoughnett righted the ship for Black in the second, with assists from his BFF linemates, Brennan Abel and Sadie Hellstrom, but both Chris Tran and Chris Malki seemed calm, collected, and in control in their respective nets. The dam finally broke in the third, as Vankoughnett found the game-winner in the early going, then followed minutes later with his third of the game. Abel sealed off any possible escape routes with an empty netter to cap the 4-1 win for Black, putting Purple out to playoff pasture in the process. Tran (18/19) recovered nicely from the early blip to keep his mates in the match long enough to muster some offense, while Chris Malki’s debut season came to an end with a valiant, but vain 18/21 effort. Black move on to face Grey in a battle of short-benched sides this Sunday in another loser-goes-home scenario.

Playoffs don’t always play out by the numbers, of course, but you can typically expect the top three seeds to be in the mix for the first three or four weeks of play. Captain Rob Gaudio and ‘Robby Reddy Piper’ proved an exception to that norm, losing a crazy, close contest to sixth-seeded Grey in their second season opener, then failing to find redemption against the seven seed in Week Two. A scoreless first was no real cause for concern, and Janine Ullloa first career SDFHL goal (CONGRATULATIONS!) in the second had Red on top, and feeling fine. Don Tran was a perfect 18/18 at this point, but you can’t really expect to get more than one or two against Sean Kelly, so he would have to continue that hot hand through the third…he didn’t. David Schlatter evened the score just thirteen seconds into the final frame, and Will Heinl follow less than a minute later to give Neon the lead. Luke Wolmer provide the lone assist on Heinl’s goal, then provided the only assist on Schlatter’s second of the night to make it 3-1. Schlatter would complete the hat trick with an empty netter in the waning seconds, and with that Red’s playoff hopes were wiped out in a stunning 4-1 loss. Kelly (24/25) proved why he is still considered the best in the business, while Tran (22/25) could only tip his cap, and shuffle out of the playoff picture with the rest of his mates. Neon march on in the Losers Bracket with renewed confidence, as the only team to have unseated an upper seed. They will look to make more waves this Sunday, as they face the four seed, Navy, in another elimination match.

Coming into Week Two of playoff action, the last time that Captain Jon Champine and ‘JONtario’ had lost was in Week Four…to Captain Arnold Gonzales and Navy. Since that loss, Green had won six straight, while outscoring their opponents THIRTY-FUCKING-TWO TO FIVE! So, Week Two scene set…storylines in place…Green looking to continue their reign of terror, and avenge their last loss, and Navy looking to repeat the defeat, knock the top seed into the Losers Bracket, and move on to the Winners Bracket final. There are no ties in playoff hockey, so…one of these possibilities became a reality…it was the former. Jon Salt continued his ‘man on a mission’ antics, opening the scoring two minutes into the first, then doubling the lead for Green minutes later. A scoreless second gave Alex Theis (24/27) and Navy some breathing room, but the third brought another wave from the favorites, with John Hwang building the lead to 3-0, then sliding home an empty net coffin nail to seal Navy’s fate, 4-0. Silas Perks (18/18) was sharp as ever, keeping both his Calder and Vezina campaigns cooking with another shutout/shut down effort. Navy remain alive in spite of the loss, and will stay afloat against upstart Neon in Week Three. The Winners Bracket final is a treat for Salt Bros™ fans, as Jon and Zach line up for Green and White, with a ticket to the big show on the line.

Grey jumped all over Red in their first playoff game, strutting out to a 5-1 lead over the three seeds before slinking back into a 5-4 sweat-it-out win. White’s playoff debut followed a similar pattern, with the two seed building a 4-0 cushion, only to let that lead erode in the third against a pesky Neon side. The Week Two questions, then…which team would manage to build a lead, and would that lead hold, or fold? It was Captain Tomáš Jankovic and White who did the building…a slow and steady effort starting with (who else) Zach Salt (from Justin Stege) in the first. Jeff Henderson netted his first goal (indeed, first point) of the season in the second, with the lone assist coming from his D partner, Andrew Wong. Meanwhile, Jeff’s brother, Matt, was working on a shutout, and was looking much steadier and sharper since some early season post-surgery comeback kinks,rust, and relapse. Justin Stege (from Salt) gave White some additional breathing room at 3:47 in the third, and that was more than enough to get the job done in this one…3-0 White over Grey. Henderson (Matt) earned first star honors for the game, and POTW honors for the week with his 20/20 outing, while Nick Meglich (9/12) and Grey took their lumps, and limped off to the Losers Bracket. White move on to a major marquee meeting with top-seeded Green in Week Three, while Grey bring an empty bench, and a full helping of hope into a loser-goes-home liaison with Black.

Boxes are up…recaps to come…

What better way to kick off a Canada-themed season than with a team honoring the nation’s greatest treasure/gift to the world, Nickelback. Captain Brandon Olsen and ‘Nickelbackcheck’ opened the season slate against the as-yet-unnamed and short-benched Purple, and the former rocked and rolled their way to a Week One win. A scoreless first frame saw Grey outshoot Purple 7-1, with Chuck Bender (24/27) filling in very capably in lieu of a much-anticipated Chris Malki netminding debut. Alexis DaCosta finally broke through early in the second (assists to Pat Gladstone and Eric Herrmann), and Captain Olsen himself provided insurance later in the period. DaCosta struck again in the third to give Grey a 3-0 lead that would hold through the final horn. Nick Meglich (8/8) was steady as ever in the shutout win, and Grey will look to double their delight with the return of ‘The Deputy’ in Week Two.

Two blue hues faced off in game two, with the darker denomination exerting total domination. Captain Chuck Bender’s Blue crew didn’t exactly have the highest hopes coming in, but the absence of their top pick, John Boddy, certainly didn’t bode well for a winning Week One. Jim LaGrossa picked up where he left off in his torrid Summer season, scoring just sixteen seconds in to give Navy a 1-0 edge. Nick Vacchio’s big night started late in the period with an unassisted strike, and LaGrossa capped the first with his second to balloon the bias to 3-0. Vacchio led off the scoring in the second, then assisted on Josh Wirt’s first of the season to make it 5-0, before Blue finally found a response in the form of an Alan Razoky powerplay marker. Mark DeGraffenreid pushed home a second Blue goal on a wild play minutes later, making it 5-2 Navy over Blue through two. Josh Wirt built the lead to 6-2 early in the third, Vance Morra answered for Blue late in the third, and Vacchio completed his hat trick with less than a minute to play to round out the scoring, and leave Blue done and dusted, 7-2. So, Vacchio 3 and 2, Wirt 2 and 2, and LaGrossa 2 and 0…not bad, for an evening’s work. Chris Tran (13/16) snatched the win in spite of a lukewarm (by his standards) performance, while Chuck Bender (16/23) was ice cold at the other end. Bender will need his A game, and a big career debut from ‘Dr. Dangles’ this Sunday to right the Blue ship…

You wouldn’t think people, let alone hockey players would be good for much of anything once they hit the big 5-0, but Carl Vankoughnett continues to defy his considerable age, and do his team (Black, this season) and elderly everywhere proud. Sean ‘Da Kid’ Kelly is far from fifty, but definitely no longer an actual ‘Kid’, but he was the one shining beacon for ‘Celine Neon’ in a disappointing debut. Those are your two stories in this one…let’s combine them into a spinetingling tapestry, shall we? Carl scored unassisted in the second…it was the only goal allowed by Sean (26/27) in a hard luck loss…the end. The subplots here were that Chris Tran collected a ho hum shutout (7/7) with Neon’s Captain Luke Wolmer and David Schlatter proving that ‘working from home’ does not make you a productive SDFHL employee. Still, Captain Crooks (nice ring to it) and Black will take the 1-0 win and run.

The Week One parity really hit full stride in the penultimate game, with the colors of the Canadian flag clashing in a fun, frenetic, but (mutually) futile match. Zach Salt proved he’s still the better Salt Boy™, opening the scoring for White unassisted in the first, adding a second (from Captain Tomáš Jankovich) in the second, and assisting on Old (Fat) Man Steve Linke’s game-tying tally in the (literal) last second of the second. The return of Joe Gaudio threw the ‘who’s the better Gaudio Boy™’ debate into a tailspin, as Joe potted two goals to Captain Rob’s 1 and 1. Eric Caligiuri made his triumphant (part time) return to league play to record the assist on Rob’s goal, and Joel Gattey cached a second assist on Joe’s second strike. When the dust settled, it would be a 3-3 tie between Red and White, with neither super sub Silas Perks (16/19), nor veteran Don Tran (14/17) collecting a W, nor suffering an L.

Captain Parsa Mostafavi brought his Gold group to the court in Week One, with high hopes that he and his new crew could rekindle some of the magic that found him backstopping a team in the Final just two weeks prior. Captain Champine and Green had other plans…and they carried out those plans to…plan, in a 3-1 win. Perennial second rounder, Mark Ennsmann, had Gold on the board bright and early (seventeen seconds in), but it would be all Green from there. Zach Siemer evened the score in the latter half of the second, with assists to newcomer, Justin Ker, and Captain Champine, himself, then Jon ‘Lesser Of The Salt Boys™’ Salt took over in the third. Salt’s first came at 9:15 in the third (on Mr. Ker’s second helper of the night), and he added a dash of insurance (see what I did there) less than a minute later. Silas Perks, of Young Canucks™ fame, earned the win in his (real) SDFHL debut with a 10/11 line, while the aforementioned Captain Mostafavi suffered the loss in his captaining coming out party.