Captain Carl Vankoughnett’s ‘Yellooow, Newman’ were the Week One victims of our clobbersaurus cover team, falling 8-5 in what was clearly a tight, defensive struggle. The brightly-clad clan looked to flip the script in Week Two, and maybe hold their opponent to less than an octo-spot. The good news for Yellow…they did manage just that. The bad news…they did manage JUST that. This game was wildly entertaining, and precisely-patterned through most of the first two periods of play. Joe Malki opened the scoring for White (from Mostafa Azab)…Jim LaGrossa responded for Yellow (from Elyse Shattuck and Marc Lapointe). Jordan Pynn for White (from Chris and Joe Malki)…Brennan Abel for Yellow. Papa Malki starts the second period scoring (Lil’ Malki and Emily Bennington)…Scott Wieland brings things back level (LaGrossa and Vankoughnett). Chris Malki again on the power play (Malki and Azab)…Captain Carl with the answer (Brennan and LaGrossa). It was here that the pattern petered out, with White opening a three goal edge with a trio of late second period strikes…Will Heinl at 1:26, Joe Malki at 0:36, and Chris Malki at 0:04 (from Pynn). Then, just as steady as the two period scoring spate had had been, the nets ran dry in the third, leaving White on the winning end of a 7-4 final. So…less than eight goals allowed, but barely, and now FIFTEEN goals allowed in two tries for Yellow and Jon Cima (15/22), who’s first foray into the league has been a falter, thus far. Nick Meglich (24/28) was busier and better at the other end, helping to even his team’s record after their own inauspicious debut (an 8-0 loss to Red). Joe Malki captured POTW honors with a 2 and 3 sparkler, and combined with his dear old dad for 5 and 4 in the impressive bounce back win.

Big numbers and blowouts are already proving commonplace this season, but the Orange v Teal matchup brought us back to a simpler time when Linke was under 60, and the SDFHL draft produced profound parity. Orange was a part of the only such close contest in Week One (a 2-2 tie with Blue), and they continued their trend of tight tilts in Week Two. John Boddy picked up where he left off in a POTW Week One effort (a 5-1 win over Black), putting the first mark on the score sheet with his fourth of the season at 3:11 in the first. David Schlatter followed with his first of the season (he missed Week One with an injury), and Teal carried a 2-0 lead out of the first on the strength of two solo efforts from their super stars. We’ve established that Orange likes a close game, and Hima Joshi cut the lead to one with (by all accounts) a sweet second period slicer past Sean Kelly (from Mike Chiaco and Captain Josh Tran). Joshi is good for about a goal a season, and this one not only looked pretty, but looked to be perfectly timed to prime an Orange comeback charge. Nope…that would be the only offensive juice for ‘Pulp Can Move, Baby!’, as Kelly (21/22) and company shut the door and sealed the 2-1 win to remain perfect at 2-0-0. Jimm Reifnsyder (19/21) remains quite impressive in his big return to league play, ranking just behind big boys Perks and Kelly amongst goalies through two weeks of play.

The proceedings remained plump with parity in the middle match, as two 1-0-0 teams looked to start the season off with a pluses in the win column. Red was hot off an 8-0 thrashing of White, while Grey was pumped after a 5-2 punking of Purple. The hot hands cooled significantly in this one, with even the shot totals meager for both sides. Still, it’s not always about quantity, but quality, and both Matt Henderson (6/7) and Silas Perks (13/14) made the saves they needed to make to keep either side from prevailing in what was ultimately a 1-1 stalemate. Kevin Dinino put Red on the board early in the first (from Mark Ennsmann), and Rob LaVigne struck back for Grey late in the frame (from Bao Nguyen). That’s all she wrote…two goals for two teams who combined for thirteen in their opener. If you’re looking for the obvious explanation for the offensive offset, it’s worth noting that Jon Salt (5 and 3 in Week One) was out for Red, while Kalen Hunter (2 an 0 in Week One) was out for Grey. That’s the typical summer story…absences make the wins grow founder. Sometimes, managing a tie (or better) with your stars on the shelf is what separates contenders from pretenders…

Leave it to our Week Two cover team to bring back the bludgeoning. Olive can now boast back-to-back monster mashes after serving the other nine teams in the league with a second helping of shock and awe. There is actually too much scoring in this one to recap in a traditional manner, so…Kyle Snyder with one goal in each period and a helper on Chris Tullio’s second of the night…Tullio with a hat trick of his own with two in the first and one in the second…Alexis DaCosta with the game-winner and a powerplay insurance marker in the first to go with two assists…Nick Vacchio with one and one…Craig Russell with three apples…and both Wendy Enright and Captain Tyler Winstead making the sheet with a helper apiece. That was just the Olive scoring…nine goals scored, on the heals of scoring eight in their opener…gross. Purple had very little punch back, but did manage to solve Don Tran (8/10) early in the second (Captain Sev Brown from Erin Plone and Trice Harvey), and very late in the third (Mark Scelfo from Harvey). Tran collected his second win of the season in the 9-2 romp, and it would be hard not to, with the ostentatious offensive output in front of him. Syd Costello (14/23) continued her early SDFHL career struggles, now straddled with a 7.00 GAA through her first two games. While it’s extremely unlikely that Olive can maintain this torrid scoring pace, all eyes will be on their Week Three meeting with White (who are hoping Meglich eats an extra helping of Wheaties Sunday morning). Purple’s poor start has them sharing a basement bed with Yellow at 0-2-0. They will need to squeeze past Orange this week, or find themselves in a hole that is too deep for comfort.

The nightcap was whacky, wild, Koolaid style, with a rather sloppy slosh ending in a shocking 4-4 wash. Sadie Hellstrom’s first of the season broke a scoreless standoff at 5:28 in the second (from Mark DeGraffenreid and Dan Jurgens), and DeGraffenreid built the lead to two with a crazy double deflection deposit just thirteen ticks later (Hellstrom and Mark Nagy). Shawna Hamon converted a Rob Gaudio pass into pay dirt to cut the lead in half and set up a tight, tense third. Jurgens’ first of the night had Black breathing easy early in the final frame (DeGraffenreid and Nagy) and his second of the night had Black exhaling after strikes from Tim Hamon (John Gamm) and Rob Gaudio (Tim Hamon) had brought Blue all the way back to even at 3-3. The 4-3 edge looked a lock to hold with the seconds ticking past and Syd Costello out of the net for an extra attacker for her surrogate side. Every second counts, and Janine Ulloa made her chance count (from Gaudio)…batting home a bouncing ball to complete a furious final push from Blue to stave off a loss and produce their second tie in two tries. The lone point is as bitter for Black as it is sweet for Blue, as Captain Ian Crooks’s Crew now find themselves sitting just above the cut line at 0-1-1. Of course, it’s way too early to really consider the cut line crucial, but wasting a win with seconds to play is proven to be playing with fire, no matter when in the season it falls.

As someone who is naive to Seinfeld, most references to the show I don’t understand. However, I’m not naive to google, so I’ve included some Easter Eggs in the form of hyperlinks throughout the writeup to provide references and virtual context for what my writing cannot. I mean after all, a picture is worth a thousand words (and in case of the front page photo, if that translates to a thousand nightmares, I offer a thousand apologies). On to the recaps:

Orange’s Josh Tran and Blue’s Rob Gaudio were the first Captains to test their draft prowess and were hoping their Teams could kick this season off with a bang and start fast – and wow, they did just that!  First round pick and long time netminder nemesis Andrew Jacobsen (from Stege and Chiaco) got Orange on the board just 12 seconds into the League season with a seeing eye slow motion roller from a ways out that somehow made it through goalie sub Chuck Bender’s wickets and signature foot save technique. Not to be outdone, Blue’s first rounder Josh Wirt answered back just 47 seconds later with an unassisted goal to tie it 1-1 not even one minute into the game. The breakneck pace continued and just a little over two minutes later Orange retook their lead courtesy of Jackson Tomaszewski (from Jacobsen and Captain Tran). Three goals in roughly three minutes – this scoring eruption would set the tone for the night, but to these goalie’s delight, not the rest of this game.  Both Teams settled in and back and forth play ruled the game until the end of the 2^nd period when Wirt struck again, this time assisted by Captain Gaudio and Jon Champine. Not much else to talk about in this one other than teenage rookie Marshall Hamon of the famed Hamon Hockey Household^TM (aka H³) holding his own as a defenseman against high caliber talent in his first League game.  Both Teams had significant extended offensive zone possessions and high quality chances throughout the rest of the game, especially in the last couple of minutes, but both goalies played well and stood firm.  Time expired with the Captains inwardly knowing they could have won but outwardly displaying their best “Good start at least we got a point” consolation face in what would be the only tie of the night at 2-2.

Game Two saw Captain Ian Crook’s Black take on Captain Ryan Karns’ Teal.  This one showcased a dichotomy of draft strategies as Black’s roster on paper was steeped in defensive talent and age…er…experience, whereas Teal (and every other team for that matter) on paper was more offensively focused, younger, and faster. Would age and wisdom prevail?  Is the best offense a good defense?  We might have to wait for answers on those questions as there were absences from both Teams that would factor into this one. Teal 1^st rounder David Schlatter was out due to injury and old age pack leader Pope was out due to Load Management (conveniently disguised as a vacation) for Black.  Once play started, the old adage ‘age before beauty’ held true as Black dominated possession and the shots in the first.  Unfortunately for Black, Goals are what matter and Teal has Sean Kelly in net.  Teal sub Dorothy Kline was the first to strike when she exhibited great hand-eye coordination and buried home the game’s first goal with help from the law firm of Boddy and Karns.  The second period saw Black’s League Legend Gary Peters (seriously, we need create an SDFHL trading card of this guy) go to the sin bin and John Boddy (from Joe Nguyen) capitalize with a PPG just 10 sec later.  Captain Ian Crooks tried to put the momentum Back in Black by whipping the standing room only crowd into a frenzy when he put the “biscuit in the basket” – a scoring term that was first cited in print in 1955 (true story), … which coincidentally is the year most of Team Black’s roster started playing hockey (allegedly). Before anyone gets upset, I said “allegedly”,.. I mean, they totally could have started earlier.  Back to this Millennium’s action, specifically this game:  Shots were becoming more balanced between the two Teams but as the game wore on Team Black started pressing to try and get the equalizer. Teal started taking advantage of its speed and stamina as Boddy had several breakaways only to be stoned by Chuck Bender to keep Black in the game.  Eventually Dorothy Kline (Boddy, Razoky) would break through for her second of the day with 5:47 left in the 3^rd, throwing the Crooks Cocoon Crew into desperation mode.  Apex predators like Boddy can smell desperation, and he delivered the kill with two more goals in the waning moments of the game, the first one unassisted and the second from Kline and Joe Nguyen to push Teal over Black 5-1 despite being outshot 27-22. But again, shots are like pickup lines, they only matter if someone scores and Teal’s Sean Kelly was swiping left like a supermodel all game.  Teal just had everything going right for it this game, including having a player who they didn’t even draft go for 3 points, while Black couldn’t catch a break.  The true testament of team talent will be when they get their absent players back, which will raise more questions.  When will Sgt Schlatter be able to return from injury and how will they best integrate him to maximize the potency of a Teal team that scored 5 without their stud 1^st rounder?  For Black, will Pope’s return help right away or will he need a few weeks to shed the buffet weight he probably put on so he can get back up to his usual slow speed? …and will he mentally recover in time from the exhaustion of repeated “shrinkage” in the “Adult only” pool area? (S05 E21)  

Olive and an obscenely bright Yellow kicked off the third tilt featuring prominent newcomers, Defenseman Kyle Snyder and Goalie Jon Cima (Welcome!) respectively, whose performances will be key to their Team’s Season success.  Spoiler alert, they both played significant roles in their first game, albeit unfortunately on different ends of the spectrum.  Both teams are stacked with firepower so it was bound to be an exciting game, and it sure lived up to its billing.  Thursday night sensation and 1st rounder Kyle Snyder looked every bit the part in his Sunday debut, scoring two goals in the first for Olive before Yellow’s Brennan Abel even made it to the rink.  Abel’s arrival didn’t immediately stem the tide and Olive scored another goal, this one by Nick Vacchio (from Shelby Shattuck and Captain Tyler Winstead) to put them up 3-0.  Yellow could have easily folded, but Captain Vankoughnett’s team is way too determined and talented offensively to go down without a fight.  It didn’t take long for Abel to do his thing and he poked one home (from Jim LaGrossa – get used to that combo) with 1:29 left in the first.  A Snyder penalty in the last seconds of the 1^st led to an Abel PPG early in the 2^nd (from you guessed it, Jim LaGrossa) and then just a short time later Captain Vankoughnett and LaGrossa set him up for his third straight to complete the natural hattie and more importantly tie it at 3-3.  The heavyweight slugfest continued as Snyder scored again to get his hat trick and then subsequently set up Vacchio at the end of the 2^nd to take the lead at 5-3.  It’s a good thing the League’s crystal ball was broken, cuz if either goalie would have seen what was in store for them in the 3^rd, they may not have gone back out after the 2^nd intermission.  Just 22 seconds into the third, Shelby Shattuck put one home thanks to Chris Tullio, who is making a triumphant return to the League after a couple of years off.  Facing their second 3 goal deficit of the game, Yellow wasted no time – literally only 19 seconds – in rallying, this time with a Jim LaGrossa goal, from you guessed it, Abel, who then turned around and scored his fourth from – you didn’t guess it:  Lapointe and Elyse Shattuck to pull within 6-5.  The next goal would be super important, and it took a whole 3 minutes before the lamp was lit again with Vacchio from Snyder giving Olive a little breathing room.  Another Snyder goal (Tullio) at the end would mean Olive outlasted Yellow 8-5 in what was essentially a glorified skills competition.  Snyder, hiding in plain sight as a Defenseman but really a stud forward with Datsyukian stick skills and an unreal ability for going end to end through an entire team to score, had one of the best debuts in League history with a 4/2 to earn 1^st runner up in POTW honors. Abel dazzled for Yellow as he posted a 4/1 – but in about 8 less minutes.  It was an unfortunate debut for Jon Cima who was the victim of a ridiculous performance from a stacked Olive team but he looks to bounce back against White who also had a tough day against Red.  Olive looks to continue a Shermanesque march through the Season when they take on Purple.

Captain Sean Bathgate’s shorthanded White took on another offensive bohemeth (on paper) in Captain Geoff Downes’ Red Team that has an embarrassing totem of talent topped by perennial Art Ross and Vezina candidates Jon Salt and Silas Perks respectively.  Bathgate, who was scorekeeper (with legible writing, thank you!) for the crazy game just minutes prior, would unfortunately not be able to help his team in this contest as he was sidelined with an injury – I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a debilitating hand cramp or even exhaustion trying to keep an accurate track of 13 goals.  Seriously though, even though White has great talent in its own right, they would need all hands on deck to have a chance in this one and give goalie Nick Meglich a chance…but even Lloyd Christmas would say there was no chance this time. Top pick and League top two defender Jordan Pynn was missing at an inopportune time and wouldn’t be there to direct the defense against Sir Salt’s scoring symphony.  However, as one of the recurring themes from this week, nothing is guaranteed and that’s why they play the game.  In the first period White proved their potential and dominated possession but Netminder General Silas “Silanator” Perks said “Not in my house” (video of him in action here) and commanded all shots aside. Red dominated the scoreboard and led 3-0 at first horn – recreating yet another common theme from the Black and Teal game of great Goalie play on one end contributing to scoring on the other.  As the game wore on, Red began to assert itself as the short bench became a factor for White and the scoring went exactly according to script in a dominating performance by the Red Sea^TM (of Talent) in an 8-0 blowout of White.  This one could be summarized as a Jon Salt School of Scoring Symposium as he factored in ALL eight goals netting a 5 and 3 and earning POTW honors.  Kerri Sevenbergen, Mark Ennsmann, and Kevin Dinino rounded out the goal scorers, Christopher Fiore built on his strong rookie campaign from last season by contributing 4 assists, Matt Rogers was flying all around the rink making things happen, and Silanator capped another game with another shutout, giving him a ridiculous and gaudy 34% career SO rate paired with a .950 SV% (when playing for his original teams, stats aren’t compiled from games as a sub).  Red appears to be very, very, very good, and should scarily get even better whenever absentee Justin Ker is present and can bring his Beast Mode mentality to the lineup.  For White, the best ability is availability, and they hope to be able to send out a full lineup in their next game vs. Yellow, another offensively talented team but one who also gave up 8 goals in their debut.

The nightcap pitted Captain Sev Brown’s Purple featuring Zach Salt against Captain Zach Siemer’s Gray and Kalen Hunter.  As just mentioned, the best ability is availability, and for this one Purple would be handicapped by missing two speedy grinders in Luke Wolmer and Ty Pereria.  On the flip side, Gray was missing goalie Matt Henderson, meaning sub Nick Meglich would have the unenviable task of facing a Salt in consecutive games, and that fact would normally be the story of the game.  However, that is a mere footnote on a historical night.  Given the offensive firepower on both teams, if you predicted Rob Lavigne, renowned for textbook defensive defenseman play, would be the 1^st Star, you’d be a liar or heretic cast into a volcano for blasphemy – the stout defenseman only had 2 goals in 61 regular season games for a GPG of .06 coming into the contest.  However, in this single game he would DOUBLE his career regular season goal total AND add an assist in addition to his standard high quality defensive play.  What?!?  Is this a case of “new season, new Rob”?  If so, move over Salts, Snyder, and Young Canucks,^TM Rob “Scoring Machine” LaVigne is making his entrance!  The game started innocently enough until halfway through the first one of those Young Canucks^TM Kalen Hunter introduced himself to new goalie Syd Costello (Welcome!) in the only way pure goal scorers know how – substituting goals for pleasantries.  Credit percolating offensive eruptor LaVigne and Eric Willard with helping make the introduction.  LaVigne would bury a goal of his own just three minutes later from Captain Siemer, and to prove it wasn’t a fluke, would earn his “Scoring Machine” moniker with another goal, the eventual GWG, this time from Willard and Leah Gonzales.  A Janice Darlington goal (from Siemer) at the end of the 2^nd meant over half of Gray’s extremely balanced team would have a point in this one as they led 4-0.  Purple would finally break through the less busy Meglich and get on the board with 3:17 left in the third on a Trice Harvey PPG (Zach Salt, Jason Northrup) and then Salt would score a minute later (Scelfo) to get this one close, but that’s as close as they got.  Kalen Hunter would tack on an insurance goal as Gray defeated Purple 5-2.  Next week Gray and it’s newfound “Scoring Machine” will try to part the Red Sea while Purple will need to have a full team when they take on powerhouse Olive.

The epilogue for this week’s recap is that all kidding aside, we need to publicly thank Pope (and his family for the time it takes him away from his family) for all the work that he does for the League.  During his well deserved vacation, his weekly duties were split between three people, and as you can see from how everything probably seemed JV this week, he does them at a very high level and makes it seem effortless. In reality they all take significant time, as evidenced by this late posting of the write-ups.  For those that don’t know, to honor Pope’s continual contributions to the League, the Board secretly (aka without him knowing about it) voted this past season to officially rename the Las Vegas trophy that is passed around to SDFHL season champions “The DeGraffenreid Cup”.  So again, thanks for everything Pope, and its been an honor to fill in here at the Ocho.

It has taken me nearly a week to get to writing the recaps for this delightful double header to the death…I needed that time to fully absorb and digest just how incredible this Cup coda was. The two top teams, both at the top of their game…neither willing to concede even the tiniest piece of space or spare moment from their opponent from start to finish. The ‘start’ was rather startling for the catbird-sitting top seeds, as Owen Perks quickly deposited a ball past his brother to give Charcoal the (very) early edge (from Chris Tran and Captain Shawna Hamon). Zach Salt returned the early period favor for Silver, squaring the score at 8:44 in the middle layer (from Justin Ker and Sadie Hellstrom). Captain Hamon cashed in on the power play at 4:44 (from Tran and Mark Ennsmann), but there was no panic in Silver’s game, and Alexis DaCosta found the counterpunch to level the ledger again with 1:55 to play (from Salt and Matt Gottfried). Neither Silas Perks (16/18), nor Don Tran (18/20) would budge through the remainder of regulation, and a full five of overtime. On to the shootout…where Charcoal shot out Silver’s chance at a one-and-done knock out with a commanding show of nerve and skill. Both Chris Tran and Zach Salt converted in round one, but Salt would be the only shine on Silver’s star in the shootout, while both Kalen Hunter and Mark Ennsmann solved Silas to build a 3-1 lead. Neither Owen Perks nor Alexis DaCosta could find twine, meaning that the shootout (unlike the actual game) ended a bit early, with Captain Hamon and Sadie Hellstrom sitting, rather than shooting. The 3-2 Charcoal coup meant game two…

Sometimes you are good, sometimes you are lucky, and sometimes you are good and lucky. Both teams had proven the ‘good’ part, but Charcoal got some luck mixed in midway through the first period of the final Final game. A very safe, innocent play turned to disaster for Silver, as a Joel Gattey push from behind the net caught the back of Silas Perks’ pad and nestled into the net for a shocking own goal. Bad luck…bad omen…bad start for Captain Audrey Stratton’s side. Chris Tran was credited with the goal, and while it is not going to make his career highlight reel, they all count on the scoreboard. Kalen Hunter made another count on the scoreboard late in the second to build the lead to two, but Silver found the belly fire in the second intermission, and Alexis DaCosta snapped home Silver’s first answer just eleven seconds into the third (from Sadie Hellstrom and Arnold Gonzales). Hunter put his light grey prey at bay with a gut punch response to the DaCosta tally just 0:36 later. It was DaCosta again just over a minute and a half later to once again make it a one goal game, and it was really beginning to look like this Cup would be decided in an all out slug fest. As it went, there was only one slug left…Owen Perks (from Jackson Tomaszewski and Hunter) dropping one more flying elbow on his dear brother to give Charcoal a 4-2 lead they would never relinquish. Don Tran (8/10) was not nearly as busy as his counterpart, Perks (10/14), but he was so steady, and so unshakeable in the shootout in these playoffs…he was top notch. Kalen Hunter was otherworldly in these games, and he would have my support as the Final MVP…just one reporter’s opinion. So, just as many pundits (and the secret prophecy) foretold, this LONG, wet, winding winter season ended with the tiniest of twists…a two seed over the sitting one seed. Congratulations to Captain Shawna Hamon and ‘CoCoal Chanel’, and congratulations to Captain Audrey Stratton and her ‘Silver Foxes’ for a remarkable run, and for their part in one of the best final Sundays in league history!

Captain Kerri Sevenbergen’s Purple, and Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft’s White both took the ‘fits and starts’ road to Week Three of the playoffs, with each team managing just one two-game winning streak coming in, and (consequently) neither team looking like much of a genuine threat to make a deep playoff run. True to form, both teams had a lopsided win, and a narrow defeat in the books coming into their third at-bat, and with elimination on the line, there would be no ‘bounce back’ opportunity for the losing side this time. Patrick Theis was the busier of the two goalies in a scoreless first period, stopping all twelve shots he faced while watching his team muster just five at the other end, but Purple would find their offensive footing first…in the second, with Jon Salt putting the five seed on top (from Mark Nagy and Eric Willard). A newly reborn Jim LaGrossa answered for White with just 0:23 to play in the middle stanza (from Brennan Abel), setting the table for a dramatic third period. The drama raneth over into overtime, with both sides unwilling to budge, but equally unable to overcome with a regulation game-winner in a stalemate final ten. The overtime was short and sweet for Purple, and short and bitter for White, as Salt tucked home a loose ball (from Janine Ulloa and Willard) to send White home, and send Purple on, 2-1. Patrick Theis (24/25) is really starting to show more signs of his father, Alex, and I am not just referring here to his meticulous goal post alignment ritual prior to each period. He is coming into his own, and Purple will need his best to survive a two game Losers’ Bracket gauntlet with Charcoal and Royal Blue in Week Four. Chuck Bender (15/17) and White become the third playoff castoff with the tough loss, ending their season of ups and downs on a particularly crushing down.

While the second game on the slate lacked the edge inherent with an elimination match, the intensity (of which there was plenty) was driven by the ticket to the Final, dangling in wait for the winner of this high powered showdown. The power came from rather unlikely sources for both teams in the first period, as Ramsey Ksar cashed in his first goal of the season to put Silver in front bright and early in the first (from Zach Salt and Sadie Hellstrom), only to have Captain Janet Biggerstaff Goins score her second of the season (from Eric Herrmann and Carl Vankoughnett) five minutes later to level set the ledger going into the second. The rest of the game was more usual-suspect-laden, with Salt (from Justin Ker) restoring Silver’s lead with the lone second period goal, then Ker soloing one of his own to put Silver up 3-1 with just over half a period to play. Eric Herrmann cut the lead to one less than two minutes later (from Ty Pereira), and Glenn Pinto brought Royal Blue all the way back to even (from Vankoughnett and Herman), notching the rare third goal against Silas Perks, and giving his team hope of a comeback coup. The scene was set for one last episode of ‘Herrmann’s Heroics’, as the supernatural sniper looked to go out with an OT titan toppler in his final SDFHL game (yes, folks…he is moving out, and moving on), but…no. Turning back to the ‘unlikely sources’ theme, it was Arnold Gonzales chipping home the kill shot (yes…his first of the season) with 1:26 to play to send the top seeds to their destined destination…4-3 Silver over Royal Blue in OT. Silas Perks (22/25) allowed three, but held firm when it mattered most to collect his tenth win in thirteen outings this season, while Patrick Theis (15/19) was solid, but not show-stealing in a sub stint for Nick ‘Magic’ Meglich. Both teams remain alive in the quest for the Cup, with Royal Blue rested and ready for the winner of Charcoal v Purple in the three team repechage rumble on June 4th, while Silver have the holiday weekend, and Week Four to rest, recover, and refocus on the ultimate prize. I just want to thank Eric Herrmann for gracing this league with his incredible talent, and (at least as importantly) his calm, cool, sportsmanlike demeanor. Our best to you, Eric! You may have only been a part of this league for a short time, but your legend will live on in Karl Strauss war stories for years to come…

Silas Perks…Silver’s shining shield…regular season MVP…hard to beat once, let alone twice, let very much alone thrice…the new gold standard in SDFHL goaltending. Kalen Hunter is not impressed. He made a fat wad out of all of that laud and threw it on the ground. For those of you who missed Hunter’s Week Three act…it was shocking…it was awesome…it was shock and awesome. The speedy Young Canuck™ sniper made Silas look very ordinary, starting with a streak down the right side, and a lightning quick snap over Silas’ shoulder to put Charcoal in front early (from Jackson Tomaszewski). He wasn’t close to done with just the one, as he ripped home another with 0:50 left in the first (from Chris Tran and Shawna Hamon), then ANOTHER at 0:36 to play in the opening frame. That’s some straight cold-blooded ninja shite right there…dropping a hat trick on ‘the guy’ in one period…*shudder*. Owen Perks converted a nice pass from (who the F else…Hunter…second to Parsa Mostafavi) to make it 4-0, but the score might as well have been 85-0 at that point, as ready and rolling as Captain Hamon and her henchpeople were from the start. Just for good measure, it was Perks from Hunter again…a gorgeous passing play to cap a 5-0 flex to eliminate (and humiliate) a shell-shocked Aqua. Don Tran (14/14) was hardly tested in his shutout showing, while Silas Perks (19/24) was left shaking his head and tipping his cap to brother, Owen, and fellow Young Canuck™, Kalen, in a fill-in firing squad foray for (traitor) Chris Tran. Melissa Busby did absolutely nothing once again, but was awarded a pity third star as part of my pre-emptive campaign to avoid being cancelled. Captain Steph Palomo Schmidt and Aqua become the fourth team in the second season recycle bin, while Charcoal will look to lean on their youth and overall fitness to survive a back-to-back battle royale with Purple and Royal Blue in Week Four.

Playoff action commences after the Memorial Day Holiday. Enjoy the long weekend, and enjoy the tournament, if you are planning to come out and play!

Bad breaks are a part of life, and certainly a part of sports. Captain Wendy Enright came into the season with a bad break waiting to happen, with goaltender Cory Brin’s health questionable (at best). When it became clear that Brin was a no-go, Zach Siemer was brought on to permanently patch that roster hole. Siemer was great, and Olive went on a hot streak that ultimately landed them a four seed in the playoffs. Meanwhile, one of their top picks in London Peters had reinjured his recently-surgically-repaired knee just as that hot streak was getting started, and with the word coming through that he would need more surgery just before the playoffs began…enter, Patrick Walker. Walker played just one game with the team (a playoff loss to Purple), before reinjuring himself. So, hobbled, but hopeful, Captain Enright’s crew sought to defy the roadblocks continually placed in their path, and overcome against eighth-seeded Aqua. It was the captain herself (with assists to Gary Peters and Tomáš Jankovic) putting Olive out front in the first, tucking home a rebound in one of many (MANY) frantic crease scrambles in front of Chris Tran throughout this one. David Schlatter brought Aqua back level forty seconds later, but a crazy deflection own-goal (credited to Erin Dowrey, with assist to Josh Tran) put Olive back up one through one. Marc Lapointe had a questionable goal disallowed, but then cashed in one that counted to even the score again (from Captain Palomo Schmidt and Brian Sheptycki), but it was Dowrey again restoring the lead (this time a non-own-goal, with help from Will Heinl). The third period was all Schlatter, as Aqua’s superstar put two solo efforts past Siemer (20/24) to tie the score, then give Aqua their first lead, then pad that lead with two empty-netters, for good measure. If you’re scoring at home, that’s five Schlatter goals in a 6-3 final, Aqua eliminates Olive. Chris Tran (26/29) was harried from start to finish, as Aqua just could not find a way to clear their zone, but he held the fort, and Aqua hold on to move on to face a charged up Charcoal in Week Three. In a fun little twist, Tran is a member of both teams. He will be suited up and playing out for Charcoal, but does so in a unique no win/no loss situation. Congratulations to Olive on an amazing season of overcoming, and best wishes to Erin Dowrey, who is moving on to bigger and better things in DC. Erin, you are a class act, and will be missed!

The second game on the slate was an ‘upset’, by virtue of seeding, but the lead up to this game shows that it probably played out as you would have expected. Captain Leah Gonzales and her sixth-seeded Maroon got smacked around 5-1 in their playoff opener against number three Blue, while White nearly pulled off the biggest Week One coup, falling 1-0 to number two Charcoal. Still, attendance issues can often throw a wrench in expectations, and the word on the street was that both Steve Linke (extreme old age), and Phil Nguyen (lingering concussion symptoms) might be on the shelf for White in this one. Not only were both present and accounted for, but a tried and true difference maker made his first ‘real’ appearance of the season, as well. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to the league Mr. Jimothy LaGrossa! A perennial top ten scorer, LaGrossa came into the playoffs having recorded zero goals, and just two assists in eight games. It was the ‘new hotness’ who kicked off the scoring for White, though, as Brennan Abel provided a solo penalty kill punch, but four of the remaining five White goals came courtesy of the Ghost Of LaGrossa Past. His first tally came in the first (from Andrew Wong and Vance Morra), with Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft padding her team’s lead with just three ticks left in the period (from Abel). It was LaGrossa again in the second to make it 4-0 (from Abel and Linke), then (*sad trombone*) the lonely Maroon response from Chris Malki (from John Boddy) to close out the second with White in front 4-1. Without son Joe in the lineup (speaking of attendance wrenches), Chris and crew would put nothing more past Chuck Bender (16/17). LaGrossa double-dipped in the third, with the first coming from Abel and Ruchhoeft, and the second a solo effort to close out a big game for Big Jim, and a big win for White, 6-1 over Maroon. Captain Gonzales group become the second playoff casualty with the loss, while White hope for more LaGrossa heroics against a tough Purple side this Sunday.

As the evening shifted to the top seed tilts, the winds of parity blew in out of the east, sweeping tension and apprehension across the strained faces of determined competitors, glistening with the dew of effort, and evincing the effort to do whatever it takes to win (how’s that for ‘poetry in motion’, kids?). First up was the #2 Charcoal versus #3 Royal Blue, which lived up to the billing as a surefire epic between two high-powered teams. Royal Blue carried the swagger of a 3-1 regular season win over Charcoal with them into the rematch, but it was Charcoal on the board first, with Mark Ennsmann converting a Kalen Hunter pass into pay dirt. I am having a bit of trouble reading the second assist on this goal…maybe….Martha Buzzard? Megan Busper? I’ll move on…no one really cares about second assists, anyway. It was (who else) Eric Herrmann who would provide the response from Royal Blue in the second (from Nik Thompson), and the rest of regulation belonged to Charcoal’s Don Tran and Royal Blue’s Nick Meglich. Neither goalie would budge, and an OT period was also a blank for both sides. The first shootout of the Winter 2023 playoffs was truly one for the ages. When Kalen Hunter tucked his leadoff attempt past Meglich, it (must have) seemed likely that Charcoal’s time to shine had come. Spoiler alert…that would be the only conversion that ‘Magic’ would allow! Carl Vankoughnett gave his team life with a third round green dot, and it was a vast sea of red x’s on both sides thereafter. Finally, in the TWELFTH round, Nik Thompson lit the lamp, and lifted his team on to the Winners’ Bracket Final. Obviously, a huge round of applause and many, many pats on the back were in order for both goalies in 2-1 shootout win for Royal Blue, but Meglich’s efforts were (by all accounts) legendary. He stopped 15/16 in regulation/OT, then 11/12 in the shootout against a murderer’s row of shifty snipers. Don Tran (19/20 + 10/12) was certainly no slouch, but this is just one of those ‘SOMEBODY has to lose’ situations, and it was Tran’s turn this time around. Royal Blue now move from facing the second seed to the first, as they will square off against Silver this Sunday with a berth in the Final at stake. Charcoal will look to regroup, and avenge a 4-2 regular season loss to bottom-seeded Aqua.

Salt v Salt…the sibling rivalry that begs the question…can’t they just both lose, somehow? No…they can’t…they have been on separate teams since a failed experiment back in Zach’s first season. So, one of these two has to win, but…that means one also loses! It’s an emotional rollercoaster for me just considering the outcomes of anther Salt shakeup, but…consider the outcomes we must. A scoreless first saw Silver’s last line of defense the busier of the two tenders, as Purple brought an all out attack out of the gate, racking up eleven shots to Silver’s three. It was more or less more of the same in the second, with Purple pouring in another twelve to Silver’s seven, but one of those seven found a home in the netting behind Patrick Theis. It was the younger Salt doing the damage, with the insult to injury being that it was a short-handed strike (from Arnold Gonzales). It was not only a SHG, but it was a GWG…that’s right…the only goal of the game, and the only goal that presumptive league MVP Silas Perks (28/28) would need…the man is on another level. Patrick Theis (12/13) was saddled with the loss, but it was more Perks’ win than Purple’s loss…let’s be honest. The 1-0 end-around has top-seeded Silver right where the math has told us they belong, in the Winners’ Bracket Final against Royal Blue this Sunday, with a ticket to the Final in the balance. Purple have to feel proud of their effort, but equally purple-xed by what they could have done better in this one. They will have to regroup and exorcise their offensive demons in the Losers’ Bracket battle dome, starting with a rematch with White, whom they boat raced 6-1 back in Week Eleven. So, the league can rejoice in knowing that Week Three of the playoffs finds us all with the ability to once again root against both of the Salt Boys™….huzzah!