Eh For Effort

Captain Ryan Belbin and his largely Canadian contingent handed Malkhale’s Navy their first defeat since Week One…which happens to be the last time these two teams met. Match-ups are funny that way…some teams just have another team’s number. The top two numbers in the seeding took care of their lower ranked opponents, but Green added an under-card upset as well, besting fourth-ranked Purple.

Panic set in in the lead up to the opening game of the playoffs, as Green’s goalie was nowhere to be seen. A quick call to Andrew Lockard confirmed the worst…he was probably thirty minutes from the rink, expecting a 6:30pm start. With no time to waste in a tight slate, Mark DeGraffenreid donned the hodge podge, incomplete mix of orphan goalie gear from the bin, and trotted in behind Green’s starting five. The result was predictably not great (the former Rec Gym goalie managed to stop just four of the six shots he faced), but Green had rallied from an early 0-2 hole to even things by the time the real talent arrived. Shelby Shattuck and Matt Drake had taken full advantage of the stand-in, but Tony Thinh and Jeff Chen had responded, and Green held a considerable edge in the shot column through two periods. Captain Mara Bernd capped the comeback, tucking the game-winner past Shane Sullivan with 2:57 to play. The unlikely 3-2 win for Green has Purple Captain Jon Salt thankful that he didn’t push any harder for a single elimination format. Green move on to face top-seeded White, while Purple look to lick their wounds against the other end of the seeding spectrum in Yellow.

Up & Over

Yellow and Purple earned big wins in Week Six to move themselves closer to playoff safety, while Red and Grey each suffered their fourth consecutive loss to push them closer to the cellar. It’s not over yet, but it’s still o-fer for Royal Blue, who will need to elevate their game several levels in the second half if they have any hope of making the playoffs.

Gold handed Black their first loss of the season, and remained clear of the lower half of the standings, as Geoff Appuhn (12/12) returned from the depths of semi retirement to preserve a 2-0 result. Matt Riordan’s game-winner came just over a minute into the affair, and Alexis DaCosta added insurance midway through the second. Third overall pick, Steve Linke, has been the subject of recent trade rumors for Black, who have gone from comfortable to concerned after falling out of the top pack in the standings over the past few weeks.

Purple changed their team name, and changed their fortune, notching their first win of the season, 3-1 over Green. Mark Ennsmann tallied twice, and Captain Jon Salt scored the game-winner late in the second, as the ‘Purple Cobras’ moved to 1-2-2…one step closer to playoff salvation. Greg Mallinger ruined Shane Sullivan’s shoutout (17/18) with just 1:07 to play, but Green could not escape their second loss in three games.

Rookie Brett Cohen’s third of the year was the first and only in the game, lifting White to a 1-0 win over Red . Red has now lost four straight, dropping them into the danger zone section of the standings, while White’s 4-0-1 run after their opening week loss has them in striking distance of the top spot. Cory Brin (17/17) outdueled Elliot Hicks (18/19), and Red hung tough, killing six penalties, including two stretches of five on three play. Red will need to change their course against Grey in Week Seven, or they could find themselves down and out for good.

‘Skid Marks’ Captain, Mark DeGraffenreid, recorded a hat trick in (what we presume to be) record time, flipping the score from 0-1 to 3-1 within a :31 span in the first period. Josh Wirt had the underdog ‘Royal Pains’ on the board first, but that was the only offense they would muster. Vinny Santora’s first of the season rounded out the 4-1 win for Brown, and Alex Theis stayed sharp (22/23) and unshaken after the early Royal goal. Brown enter their bye week comfortably atop the standings, and may clinch a playoff berth as early as Week Eight. As noted in the open, Royal Blue will need everything they have and then some to avoid an early elimination this season.

Min-Soo Smith, Lena Amelang, and Derek Lobo had a goal apiece, and another quasi-retiree, Don Tran, stopped all but one shot he faced, as Yellow topped Grey, 3-1. Chris Tran’s power play marker late in the third was too little, too late for Grey, who have lost their captain/super stud goalie, Jordan Pynn, for the season (to add injury to insult). Grey will need to tape it all together and surprise a few teams if they have any hope of surfacing this season.

Beat It

It’s Valentine’s Day, and the midway point in the season…what better time to check in on the pulse of each team? It’s all about the BPM, or in SDFHL terms, the PPW (Points Per Week). Brown, Green, White, Black and Navy are all heart healthy with a PPW greater than 1.00. Gold, Red, Grey, Yellow, and Purple will need a little TLC (Tosczak-Like Clutchness), and possibly CPR (Cheating/Prayer/Recruitment) in order to rebound from a PPW of 1.00 and below. Royal Blue, well, they are on life support, and are a few more fruitless weeks from having to issue a DNR (Do Not Rissi-citate). There is no universal health care in this league, so now is the time to make sure you have a solid PPO (Personal Point Output), or and least an HMO (Hail Mary Option) to help keep you and your team alive and kicking into mid to late April…

White (fittingly) blanked Grey, 3-0, keeping the drab-clad crew on the cellar stairs. It was Grey’s third straight loss…their third straight SHUTOUT loss. Alas, Grey’s best offensive weapon is stuck in nets. Cory Brin (15/15) posted his first clean slate of the season, while Nick Adkins, Jim LaGrossa, and Kim Hernandez provided the one-two-three punch in the win.

Purple snatched non-loss from the jaws of loss, as Mark Ennsmann’s taly with 0:15 remaining sealed the 3-3 deal with Black. Black remain undefeated at 2-0-3 with the result, but should perhaps be concerned that this is their second such last-minute-failed-dismount-stick in five games (see 0:37 Tony Thinh tally for Green in Week Two). Still, Tim Vick, Jeff Henderson, and Jason Remple helped keep the ‘L’ column spotless for Black with a goal apiece. Mark Daquipa, Sean Kelly, and the aforementioned hero, Mark Ennsmann, matched that output for a Salt-less Purple. Purple have zero wins in four tries, and have a tough schedule ahead with Green and White on the horizon.

Donald Chow kept his rookie of the year buzz buzzing, scoring his third goal of the season as part of Navy’s 4-1 heave-ho of Gold. Chris Malki, Justin Stege, and Mark Nagy rounded out the offense, and took all of the stress off Nick Meglich (16/17) between the pipes. Rookie, Mike Testen, scored his first career goal, providing the lone measure of vengeance for his twin brother, and Gold netminder, Steve Testen (22/26).

Shawna Hamon tucked home a power play goal to put Brown on the board, and was a key player in the production of dazzling tic-tac-toe insurance marker, as Brown kept their winning ways intact against Red, 3-1. Vance Morra made things interesting, scoring his first of the season with the goalie pulled, but even an oafed WIDE OPEN EMPTY NET chance for Captain Mark DeGraffenreid did not leave the door open wide enough for Red to recover. DeGraffenreid did find the twine late in the second, and Mark Boulanger was the ‘toe’ in the aforementioned tic-tac-toe play…his first career SDFHL tally. Alex Theis is clearly the backbone for Brown, stopping 15/16 in this go, and very nearly recording his third shutout in five tries.

It’s hard to overcome the hard luck double-whammy of Captain Tony Rissi and Kevin Dinino. Both have something of a history of ill-fated teams, and ‘Royal Pains’ have carried on that sad tradition, so far. This was a particularly heartbreaking loss, with Kris Tosczak’s second of the game coming at 0:52 in the third to secure the thrilling 4-3 victory for Green. Green had built a 3-1 lead after one (Tony Thinh, Eric Willard, and Tosczak’s first), but Royal Blue built on Josh Wirt’s first period score with goals by…yes, Rissi and Dinino…before it all came crashing down. Royal Blue is legitimately approaching ‘must win’ country at this point. Although they do have their bye week behind them, they face the current pace-setters in Brown in their next game, then the only other undefeated side in Black the following week.

Dump & Chase

It’s far too early to flush any team’s postseason dreams, but the bowl has some clear floaters and sinkers at this point. Brown has a strong movement underway through their first four games, and while they are hardly wiping away their opponents, they have pushed hard enough to sit on the throne as we approach the midway point in the season…

Captain Jon Salt and ‘Raisin Da Roof’ continued their scoring struggles, dropping their second game in three tries in fruitless fashion. The 0-1 L-O to Yellow has to be some cause for concern for Purple, even at this early juncture in the season. Yellow, came into the match with just one goal and zero wins in three games, but found a way past Purple in both the game and the standings. To add insult to injury, it was Captain Salt’s championship mate, Dan Jurgens, who inserted the lone dagger in the second period. Frédéric Fournier was a perfect 19/19 in the win, while Min-Soo Smith was 0/1 on empty net attempts.

Another scoring-challenged captain got off the schneid in time to help his team to a 2-1 win over Green. Captain Mark DeGraffenreid scored his first of the season early in the third, and assisted on Shawna Hamon’s game-winner less than two minutes later. Brown’s defense, and Alex Theis’ sparkling-as-ever play (18/19) almost managed to keep Kris Tosczak off the board, but the veteran sniper made the final minutes tense, scoring his second of the season. The win keeps Brown one of only two undefeated teams in the league thus far, and has them atop the standings for now. The loss was Green’s first…they will look to bounce back in Week Five against a winless Royal Blue. Melissa Busby did not record any points in this game.

The number three overall pick continues to pay off for Captain Wendy Enright and Black, as they remained undefeated with a 3-1 win over Red. Tim Helmbrecht earned POTW honors for his 2 and 1 effort, but Steve Linke (aforementioned blue chip old man) quietly collected his third and fourth points of the campaign with a 1 and 1 line. Param Gill provided the only scoring response for Red, who have split time between winning and losing through their first four games.

Joe Malki joined the ranks of captains with at least one goal, putting his team out front in the first. Rookie, Brett Cohen, equalized in the second, and Malki’s counterpart, Jim LaGrossa gave White the lead early in the third, but Justin Stege’s response made it 2-2 for good. LaGrossa’s 1 and 1 night gives him 2 and 5 on the season, good enough for tops in scoring…he’s hoping his Eagles will have the same punch on Sunday.

Bill Casey handed heartbreak to Grey, scoring the one and only goal in a big 1-0 win for Gold. Nick Godinez and Alexis DaCosta provided the setup on Casey’s second straight game-winner. Captain Jordan Pynn has stopped 50/52 while suffering back-to-back hard luck 0-1 losses. Steve Testen recorded his second shutout with the 18/18 effort, adding insult to Pynn’s injury by edging past him on the goaltending stats table.

SDFHL Sunday Conversation – Episode 1: Ronnie Ponce

Episode 1: Ronnie Ponce

I caught up with Ronnie ‘poolside’ at the National City Motel 6 where he ‘hangs out’ on his ‘off days’.  We ‘hung out’ a bit by the ‘pool’, I watched him down an alarming number of expired Four Lokos, and we talked life, love, and SDFHL.  This is how it went down…

Pope:  Ronnie, first let me say, f**k your ‘Doyers’ for sweeping my Giants this past weekend.

Ronnie: Doyer Doyer Doyer Doyer Doyer Doyer Doyer Doyer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a fun fact, every time Dan Uggla strikes out, So Cal gets Santa Ana winds.

Pope: Speaking of bad blood, most of us have had our ‘run-ins’ with other players in the league.  You are a rare bird, as you really seem to get along so well with everyone in the SDFHL (and beyond).  Have you ever had a beef with anyone out there on the court?  You can change names to protect the innocent/accused, if need be 🙂

Ronnie: *opens Grape Four Loko* Great question.  I don’t really have beef with anyone.  A former league member pushed it a bit in Vegas (he knows who he is…dirty mother f**ker…and no, not an SD player).   I do have friendly wagers with several members of the league, though.  A certain person (let’s call him P Yu…no, that’s too obvious…let’s call him Peter Y) is a bit behind on payment.  He owes me a few happy hours and mucho cerveza.

Pope: When did you lose your ‘hockey virginity’? Did the first time…hurt a little?

Ronnie: Like Cat Stevens said, the first cut is the deepest.  A young Mexican American Ronald Ponce picked up a hockey stick at the age of twelve.  Roller hockey games are common in Ventura County (yeah, it doesn’t snow here, Canada/East Coast buddies).  The best spot was an abandoned train station warehouse.  The concrete was smooth, and it was in the shade.   Sadly, the abandoned train station warehouse was demolished several years ago.  RIP.

Pope:  Desert island…your coconut-powered iPod has only enough storage for one album, one movie, and one…other piece of media.  Go!

Ronnie: This is like F-Marry-Kill! *opens Blue Raspberry Four Loko*  The movie is easy–Office Space.  That movie is my life sometimes.  Anytime it’s on TV I will watch it.  The album is tough.  I feel like I should have some Yacht Rock or maybe some Hall & Oates.   I flipped a coin, and Bloc Party’s ‘Silent Alarm’ won.  That album just reminds me of college when life was easy.  I just had to make it to class on time, and my bar tabs didn’t exceed $30.  The other media would be Fruit Ninja.  Who doesn’t want to be Gallagher, or Gallagher Dos?

Pope:  You’ve been in the league for years now, and have had a chance to play with huge cross section of the league.  Give me three players you really loved playing with…and why?   Are there any players with whom you have not yet shared a season that you would like to?

Ronnie:  First off, I love everything about this league, and everyone in the league.  I have had the pleasure of playing with some of the best people in San Diego.   Now to the list:

First: Steve Scott.  He is the one who brought me to the league, and I had my best season playing with him and Do’ on a line.  The shenanigans played by Mr. Scott are awesome.

Second: Dorothy Kline.  She was the heart and soul of ‘Team Friendship’.  She was amazing that season, and we just had a blast.

Third: Kris Tosczak.  We have been on a few teams together.  He is always fun to play with, and tends to laugh when I score.  What’s up with that, man?  He also taught me the meaning of Canadian Thanksgiving.

Honorable Mention: Geoff (boat rich), Kurt (Prius rich), School Bus (truck rich), Mara (best shootout goal I have ever seen), Andy (makes the best salsa), Steph (Chico!), Pope (Gigantes son viejos y mohosos), Sean Kelly (see below), Min-Soo (F Chicago), Peter Yu (hoarder) and Janice (silent assassin).

As for the players I have not played an SDFHL season with, there are several.  If I have to choose, I would have to go with [Derek] Lobo–great Vegas captain, but we have not been on the same SDFHL team.  He’s always positive, and for 65, he still has the skills.

Honorable Mention: Don (BMW rich), Alaa (BMW rich) and Alex (makes beer, and who doesn’t like beer?)

Pope: Compare yourself to an NHL player, past or present.

Ronnie: *opens Pineapple Four Loko* This should not surprise anyone.  I have the skills of Wayne Simmonds (Hip Hop with Pop), the speed of Matt Greene, and the heritage of Alec Martinez.

Pope: Eat a pizza, or meet Mike Piazza?

Ronnie: F**k Mike Piazza!  He has beef with the Doyers.  Give me the pizza.  None of that lasagna pizza they have in Chicago.  Yeah, I said it.

Pope:  ‘Ronnie Ponce: The Movie’ has been green lighted.  Give me the short list of actors for the lead role.

Ronnie:  ‘Ronnie Ponce: The Movie’ is a remake of ‘Point Break’, and I am in the Swayze role.  Now, for the actors:

First: Jonah Hill.  He would be the perfect fit–funny guy that tries to make people laugh.   He is the comedy choice.

Second:  Alec Martinez.  He won the cup, and is already in Hollywood.  Give him the role.

Dark Horse: Efren Ramirez. Dude needs a role.  It’s been a while since ‘Napoleon Dynamite’.

Pope:  People have no attention span these days.  Recap your entire life in four sentences or less.

Ronnie: I was born in Thousand Oaks, CA to Ron and Lisa Ponce.  I went to college at Chico State.  I moved to San Diego in the summer of 2006.  Work, work, work all day long.

Pope: You would do anything for love, but you won’t __________.

Ronnie: *belches loudly* *opens Watermelon Four Loko*  Eat salad with dressing.  I eat it like a rabbit, man.  What ever happened to Meat Loaf?

Pope: Walk me through a typical day in the life…

Ronnie: Wake up at 6:00am.  Hit snooze twice.  Shower. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Get to work at 7:00am. Work till 4:00ish. Work out (most times).  Log back in to catch up on work. Watch some Doyers highlights.  Start over the next day.   Sleep. Eat. Work. Repeat. Repeat.

The Four Lokos are starting to kick in…

…Ronnie scans the sky, then points to his ‘home planet’.

Pope: Know any good jokes?

Ronnie: Knock Knock
Pope: Who’s there?

Ronnie: Queen

Pope: Queen who?

Ronnie: Queen my dishes, please.  Get it?  Because I said Queen…

Pope:  Yeah, man…awesome stuff there.  Straight up Bazooka Joe.  That is going to kill with Ry and his friends.  Speaking of children, what is one of your favorite childhood memories?

Ronnie: When team USA took down Iceland in Mighty Ducks 2.  OK, for real, during the days when you could tailgate at Chavez Ravine, my dad and his closest pals would gas up the motorhome and go.  He would pull me and my brother out to go to the game.  Nothing like seeing the Doyers on opening day.  I am just going to throw this in…getting to see the Kings win the cup twice in person.  Awesome experience (cue the ‘I Love LA’ song).

Pope:  Yeah…no…I shan’t be cuing that song…dick.  Who has your favorite pair of adulthood mammaries?  JK…just, construct Mrs. Ponce from celebrity parts, por favor.

Ronnie:  Has anyone seen this new Wendy’s girl/spokesperson?  Also, I am tempted to pick Iggy Azalea.  Who doesn’t want a hip hop artist from the suburbs of Australia?  I will make this easy–the looks of the Wendy’s girl, rhymes of Iggy Azalea, and Oprah money.  That is the future Mrs. Ponce.  Oh, a close second to this list is Gal Gadot.  She is the new Wonder Woman, but more famous for her role in Fast Five.  Don Tran is on board with this pick.

Pope:  Creative writing time!  In the spirit of the aforementioned Mighty Ducks, create a fantastical, completely unrealistic climactic scene for Disney’s new SDFHL movie…

Ronnie: Here is where my TV/Movie classes coming into play…

Scene: USA v. Iceland.  Thirty seconds left in the game.  Ducks set up the Flying V…

Location: SDFHL Home Rink: 4S Ranch

Stars: Geoff Appuhn is played by Robert Duvaall (D); Donald Tran is played by Data from the Goonies (D); Min-Soo and Peter Yu are played by Kenny Wu (F) (D2 They are in the Olsen Twin role from ‘Full House’); Kurt Rifbjerg is played by Sideshow Bob (F); Steve Scott played by John Cusack (F).

Flying V moves forward (cut away to scoreboard– 0:29 0:28 0:27…)

[Timeout: I forgot that Geoff’s character is in a wheelchair.]

The ball is moving around the forwards.  Kenny Wu (Peter is in this scene) drops the ball back to Robert Duvall.  Data is pushing him around in the wheel chair.  Robert Duvall gets the shot off (cut away to scoreboard…0:15 0:14 0:13), and the ball deflects off Efren Ramirez (playing me) and goes into the net past Iceland Goalie (D2 played by Nathan West…thanks, IMDB) for the game-winner (cut away to scoreboard…0:03 0:02 0:01 0:00).

The team celebrates, and lifts Robert Duvall onto the shoulders of other team members.

[Camera cuts in for close up of Robert Duvall.]

Duvall: “Vaya con Dios, Brah”

[Fade to black.]

It’s Point Break meets D2.  Direct to DVD.  Gets some run on Fox Family.

Pope:  Wow…gripping stuff!  Tell the people something about yourself that will SHOCK them (or at least amuse them).

Ronnie: I will give you a soft one, a random one, and a shocker:

Soft: Sean Kelly–we played Little League baseball together in the mean streets of Thousand Oaks, CA.  I had no clue he played in the league until I saw him during my first season.

Random: I am an ordained minister, and have performed nine weddings.  Number ten is in September.

Shocker: In my sophomore year of high school, I got busted for lighting fireworks with my friends.  We got busted by the police, and had to perform community service.

Pope:  Last one, and I will let you get back to ‘hanging out’…give me a moment, or a game, or an event in your SDFHL career that is special/memorable to you.

Ronnie: *opens Fruit Punch Four Loko* Lobo would say it was when I made three passes in a row to Bob Delaney in his farewell game…but I was on the other team.  I will go with ‘Team Friendship’.  We are in overtime against Sean Kelly and Black.  I got a pass from Bryan Szeliga, and was able to beat Sean for the game-winner…best moment in SDFHL history.  My jersey is in the hall of fame.  I don’t even remember it– I blacked out.

Pope:  Well, you’ve been a great sport, and I appreciate you being my first guest for this segment.  Let’s switch roles for just one question…shoot!

Ronnie: This is an easy one.  Top three Vin Diesel movies? Go!

Pope:  I can honestly say that I have not seen any of Mr. Diesel’s work.  I hope we can still be friends?  Thanks, Ronnie…I appreciate you taking time out of your ‘busy day’ to chat with me.  Does…ummm…does this place have another restroom anywhere?  The one by the ‘lobby’ is disgusting.

Ronnie: Pope, it has been a pleasure.  I think there is a KFC around the corner.  Take this quarter…it’s coin operated.