Captain Goncalo’s ‘Wrister Brownstone’ used to lose a little but a little wouldn’t do it, so the little got more and more. They just kept tryin’ to get a little better, said a little better than before. Brown never did get better, and Week Eleven saw the band slink sullenly off the playoff stage and back to their ‘tour bus’ (a 1987 Chevy Astro Van). A half dozen bands are still nervously pacing backstage, hoping they don’t melt under the hot lights and high pressure of the final two weeks of regular season rockin’…

Jon Salt dropped a hat (and ‘the other shoe’) on Brown, and assisted on Jon Zygelman’s game-winner in the second, locking up a playoff spot for Red, and officially locking Brown out of the playoffs with a 4-2 result. It was the fourth (!) hat trick on the season for Salt, who has clearly been on a mission to prove his manhood after coming up empty in the first two weeks of play. He now sits just one point behind ‘The Herrmannator’ (who, granted, has played four fewer games), having now accounted for fourteen of Red’s twenty-three goals. The brightest light in the dark for Brown came with Kyra Forsyth scoring her first SDFHL goal…as a sub (*sad trombone*). Yes, the goal will not count for her personal stats, but it was a great moment for an awesome newcomer….CONGRATULATIONS, KYRA! Geoff Downes scored in the final minute of play, but it was much too little much too late to save Brown from the playoff scrap heap. Nick Vacchio (27/31) absorbed his seventh loss in eight tries, but will not be in nets to face Nick Vacchio (the forward) this Sunday. Andrew Lockard’s 15/17 was enough to secure his fifth win of the season, and lock Red into playoff position as they move into their belated bye week.

Black and blue…colors any true hockey player knows well. Fittingly, this one was billed as a bruiser of a battle, with both teams needing at least two more points in the standings to make it through. Black drew first blood, as POTW honoree, Rob Gaudio, converted in the final minute of the first period (on assists from Ezra Cohen and Kyra Forsyth…KYRA!). Gideon Schon drew Blue even late in the second, but it was Gaudio again even later in the second to restore the one goal edge. Andrew Jacobsen leveled the ledger early in the third, but Ezra Cohen (from Gaudio) and Josh Tran (from Gaudio) one-two punched Black to a huge 4-2 win. The feat was made all the more fantastic when you consider that resident ninja, Jeff Anderson, was out of the lineup for Black. Ash Wadhwa did not make the score sheet, but at the very least seemed to be a good luck charm for Black in his debut, replacing the departed Brian Phillips. Wayne Wong evened his record in nets at 3-3-1 with a 13/15 effort, while Chuck Bender (13/17) suffered his fifth loss. Black has not officially, officially arrived in the second season yet, but they face beleaguered Brown this Sunday, so…yeah. Blue’s battle with White this Sunday could not be dripping with any more playoff implication. They will look for a good result in that one, as a date with proud and potent Purple is lurking in their season finale.

Captain Wirth’s White was left for dead in mid January, nursing a 1-4-1 record, with one of those losses representing Brown’s one and only win. To say that pundits were puzzled by the poor performance of such a potent-on-paper-potential-powerhouse would be a major understatement. Well…all of that potential has turned to pop, as White has rattled off two straight wins to pull out of the poop at the bottom of the pile, and leave themselves primed for postseason passage. This win, a 3-1 rally past Grey, took the form of a rousing return, a determined superstar, and a OMG own goal. Shawna Hamon was back…back on the court after a long injury hiatus, and back on the scoreboard for White early in the third period. A late first period marker for Mark DeGraffenreid had given Grey the lead, but (determined superstar) Josh Wirt wove into the zone and snapped the game-winner past Chris Tran less than a minute after Hamon’s damage. With the clock winding down, Craig Russell played the ball back into Grey’s defensive zone…which was completely empty…not a creature was stirring, not even a goalie. Not the most climactic finish, but White will certainly take the W. Don Tran was lights out for the victors, stopping 23/24, including multiple clean breakaways from DeGraffenreid and Kevin Wilkinson. Chris lost the battle of the Trans with a 11/13 line, but the real story was Hamon, who scored in her return…oh, and who was credited with a second goal on the empty net blooper. The nerves are now fully abuzz for Grey, as they face pole sitting Green this Sunday. White will look to keep their revival rolling in a massive matchup with Blue.

The Malki Express just keeps chugging along. The latest to lay down on the tracks was a desperate Cream team, who had hoped for a springboard win against the top team in the league, but found themselves just diving into deeper water with a 4-2 loss. Captain Joe Malki broke the scoring seal just over a minute into play, and proud papa, Chris doubled, then tripled the lead a few minutes later. It seemed at one point that anything thrown at Steve Deppensmith had a great chance of going in. Cream’s netminder would finally settle in, allowing just one more goal (Joe’s second) early in the second period, and Cream strikes from Ian Crooks and Wendy Enright set the stage for a very watchable final frame. Cream pressed hard, but Nick Meglich (12/14) stood as tall as he has all season to collect his league-leading seventh win. Meglich has actually yet to suffer a loss this season…Green’s only loss came with Chuck Bender filling in between the pipes. Dan Jurgens was a beast (in a good way) all game, assisting on both goals, and bidding for a few of his own, but Meglich stayed cool and focused in deflecting all of his blistering, knuckling attempts. The win does little for Green but pad their lofty first place perch. A win over Grey this Sunday will cement them as the top playoff seed. Meanwhile, Cream now face a pair of (literal) must-wins…with ‘The Herrmannator’ up first, and a potentially-equally-desperate Grey in their finale.

Said ‘Herrmannator’ was held pointless in Week Eleven by his only known weakness…having other plans on Sunday evening. Captain Bill Casey was also away, as were David Clark and Ramsey Ksar. The remaining six members of ‘Twisted Citrus’ managed very little against a hungry, hustling Pink side, who took full advantage of the absence of the league’s resident WMD. Carl Vankoughnett broke a scoreless tie midway through the second, and dished up a second literally seconds later. Both tallies were assisted by Jim LaGrossa, who scored early in the third before assisting on Vankoughnett’s third, then assisting on the final goal of the game from Greg Mallinger. When the dust had settled, Vankoughnett had posted the second hat trick of the evening, LaGrossa had a 1 and 4 gem to polish, and Mallinger got in on the fun with 1 and 2 of his own in the runaway 5-0 freight train win. Sean Kelly collected his second shutout of the season (and ~575th of his career) with a ho-hum 11/11 night, while Cory Brin (15/20) dropped to 3-3-1 on the season after a forgettable night in nets. The win should be enough to punch Pink’s playoff ticket already, although we haven’t sicked the math majors on all of the possible scenarios, just yet. The loss definitely keeps Orange in peril with eight points. Orange will be banking on a Herrmann/Deppensmith matchup to vault them into the playoffs this Sunday. If that should fail, they will have to go through a red hot Red to ensure passage to the promised land.

Captain Gattey’s Cream certainly hasn’t risen to the top this season, In spite of an impressive roster full of seasoned snipers, this cream was settling very close to the bottom coming into Week Ten, with a woeful 1-4-1 mark. A loss to the only team below them, the 1-5-0 Brown, would leave them a very long shot for the postseason, at best. As fate would have it, Brown would stay down (and now, almost certainly out), as the Week Ten opener opened a door for Cream, and slammed another shut on Captain Goncalo’s crew. Matt Gottfried broke through for Cream late in the first, and added an encore to follow Dan Jurgens’ tally in the second. Ian Crooks and Jon Champine piled on in the third, bringing about the 5-0 final. Steve Deppensmith’s nightmare season in nets hit a second bright spot in the last three outings, as the oldest of old timers recorded his first shutout of the season with a 10/10 line. Dan Jurgens and super sub, Deborah Finucane, each collected two assists in the crucial win, which pushes Cream into a crowded pack of eight teams with between five and eight points in the standings. They face the toughest of challenges in Green this Sunday, while Brown look to avoid official, official, official elimination at the hands of a resurgent Red.

For the first time all season, Green arrived at the rink on Sunday looking to avenge a loss. Purple’s statement 3-0 win over the previously unbeaten side would surely stir them to action against Black, who entered Week Ten at 1-3-2. Captain Joe Malki opened the scoring for Green midway through the first, but Andy Strathman struck back for Black in the second half of the second. Brian McDonnell’s second of the season (and his SDFHL career) looked like a lock to hold up as the GWG, but Jeff Anderson tied the 2-2 knot with just half a minute remaining in the third. Wayne ‘Dub Dub’ Wong earned POTW honors for keeping a motivated Green monster at bay (28/30), while Nick Meglich (10/12) was denied a bump in his league-leading win total with the last minute Anderson heroics. A point is a point is a point, but this point may prove crucial for Captain Vacchio’s squad. At present, it keeps them JUST above the cut line with six points, but it may prove THE point that saves their second season, as we turn onto the final straightaway.

The middle game saw two teams in the (relative) middle of the standings meet in the middle, and walk away with one point apiece. Weston Nawrocki scored his first of the season to give Red a lead late in the first, and it looked likely that Jon Salt would double that lead as he stepped up to take a penalty shot early in the second. You’d have lost money had you bet against Chuck Bender in that showdown, as Salt was denied, and the game remained a one goal affair. Andrew Jacobsen made it a two goal affair, finally solving Andrew Lockard late in the third to produce the 1-1 final. Bender earned first star honors for the game, stopping 26/27, including the solo Salt salvo. Lockard absorbed the non-win with a solid 22/23 effort, helping his team edge ever closer to a playoff berth in the process. Red will look to (officially) punch their playoff ticket, and punch out Brown in the process this Sunday, while Blue take on standings neighbors, Black, in what looks to be a spicy meatball of a matchup.

Captain Zach Salt and ‘Purple Reign’ trotted into Orangetown in Week Ten riding high off a 3-0 ambush of the Green Gulch Boys in their last outing. A smile creased their faces, and chops were licked when they noted that the new sheriff in town, Eric Herrmann, was nowhere to be found. Salt put a bullet in Orange faster than a ferret fleeing a fox house (I’m working on my cowboy slang…bear with me), but then…the Deputy’s spurs were heard, as he strode through the swinging saloon doors, his badge glinting in the midday sun. ‘It’s D-d-d-deputy D-d-d-d-inino!’ stammered one of the greener members of the Purple mob…’RUN!’. The Deputy drew and fired faster than a man closing a Pornhub window when his lady walks in (I’m fresh out of cowboy slang). The scene got real quiet-like for one period…most folks hid behind barrels, and wagon wheels, and other stereotypical western shite. Then Old Eric Willard, the longtime owner of the Second Fiddle Saloon, braved himself up and fired a second shot in defense of Orangetown. Salt’s crew turned tail and headed out of town, but the captain got in one last shot to exact even damage, and he rode away from the 2-2 two step vowing to ‘come back…when the Sheriff’s here to hand me his badge, in person.’ To be continued….

In times of SDFHL desperation, you never want to look over to see the other team warming up Sean Freakin’ Kelly. Captain Wirth’s White limped into Week Ten at 1-4-1, below the cut line, and ready to resign themselves to alternate Sunday plans in late March/early April. Captain Joshi’s Pink, by contrast, winners of two of their last three, and looking to improve their already improved playoff outlook. Well, as it went, White followed Cream’s lead, and took a big step up the cellar stairs with a 4-0 stun and gun run past Pink. It was Don Tran (14/14) who stood tallest in nets, outdueling Da Kid (20/24) to earn his second shutout win of the season, and keep his team in contention for a post season bid. Glenn Pinto broke a scoreless tie in the second, and added a second in the third. Josh Wirt and Captain Wirth assisted on each other’s goals to round out the attack for White in the weighty win. Both teams have crossroads battles this Sunday, with White taking on middle-roaders, Grey, and Pink bracing for a showdown with The Herrmannator and Orange.

Attendance has been a challenge for many teams this season, particularly with in the hazy days of Omicron winter. Grey and Brown barely had a full SDFHL roster between them, with each suiting up just six for an important midseason meeting. Grey came away with the long straw in the short bench duel, getting goals from Tomas Jankovic in the second, then Marc Lapointe and Mark DeGraffenreid in the third, to glide to a 3-0 win over ‘Wrister Brownstone’. Chris Tran deflected a ho-hum half dozen shots to earn the shutout win, and push Captain Pynn’s pride and joy back to .500, while Nick Vacchio suffered the loss with a 10/13 line. The win keeps Grey in solid position to slide into the playoffs, with just three games remaining on their schedule. Brown has four games remaining, but they need wins, and they need them now. They will start the push to improve their 1-5-0 record in the ‘Pink v Stink’ early game this Sunday.

Red has ridden their superstar’s resurgence to a 3-3-1 record, capturing their second straight post-bye week win, this time over Black, on the back of Jon Salt’s third hat trick of the season. The ‘other Jon’, Zygelman, had Red on the board first, followed by a pair of Salt shakes to build the lead to 3-0. Black actually seemed to carry most of the play/pressure, but Chris Tran held the Black attack at bay until late in the second, when the first of two Jeff Anderson tallies negated an earlier Vance Morra strike. When I tell you that this Anderson goal was awe-inspiring, I am doing it no justice. This was…one of hardest, most ridiculous shots I have ever seen…a turn around, blue line, mach four slap shot with two feet of right to left curve to find the dustiest corner of the cookie jar shelf over Tran’s shoulder…truly, and completely ridiculous. Sadly for Black, such a museum quality goal counts just the same as the garbage time empty-netter that Salt deposited in the final minute of play to bring us to the 5-2 final score (Anderson scored a short-handed feathery far side backhand to account for the other Black goal earlier in the third). The climb to .500, and the addition of Min-Soo Smith to replace the injured Troy Ohlsson seems to have Captain Chad Goins and his crew strutting a bit. The loss drops Black to 2-3-1, still riding right above the cut line with four games left to go in their schedule.

The big Green v Purple showdown was finally upon us in Week Eight. Unfortunately, the much-anticipated matchup with tinged with truancy, as both teams did their best to press on in the absence of key players. The underdogs came out on top this time, as Purple stunned and shut out previously unbeaten Green, 3-0. The result was largely down to the goalie matchup, as Alex Theis was ri-goddamn-diculous in nets for the victors, stopping 26/26, while Chuck Bender struggled to fill Nick Meglich’s unscuffed shoes at the other end, stopping 17/19 in the loss. It was a banner day for Purple’s young guns, with Matt Rogers netting the game-winner on the powerplay late in the second, and adding an empty netter to ice things in the late going. Luke Wolmer was a frenetic, forechecking force, as well assisting on Rogers’ first, and Justin Stege’s insurance tally that doubled the Purple lead going into the third. These two teams remain atop the standings, although things are a little cozier now, with just one point separating the leaders going into the final turn of the regular season.

Captain Joshi’s Pink picked up two big points, and a head of steam at the expense of Cream in Week Eight. Patrick Walker maintained his team lead in goals with his fifth of the season, and Jim LaGrossa and Carl Vankoughnett each did double damage as Pink cruised to a 5-2 win over a listless and lifeless Cream. Ian Crooks and Matt Gottfried accounted for the only dents in Sean Kelly’s 24/26 winning turn, while Steve Deppensmith (14/18) suffered more slings and arrows in his fourth loss in six tries. Captain Joshi herself racked up two assists, giving her a very healthy 1 and 4 stat line through six games, and helping bump her team to a 3-2-1 record. As with Brown, Cream will need to find a way to start winning games…like now. They take on a rebuilt and refocused Grey in the late game this Sunday. Pink will look to keep their playoff push pulsing against the down, and very-nearly-out Brown in the Week Nine opener.

If you don’t yet know the name Eric Herrmann, you’re going to want to learn it…and fear it. The Herrmannator got off to a quiet start for Orange in his inaugural season, but the man is now a full blown monster, and not the cutesy kind from The Muppets or Monsters, Inc. Fresh off a Week Seven EIGHT spot (five goals, three assists), Herrmann racked up another four and one to carry Orange past Blue, 7-4. His first and second gave Orange a two goal lead, which Alan Razoky cut in half late in the first. Mark Nagy knotted the score early in the second, but then it was Herrmann again, then his right hand man/sudden super sniper, Kevin Dinino, to build back the two goal edge going into the third. Andrew Jacobsen halved the lead early in the final frame, but Herrmann restored the margin with the game-winner–his fourth of the night. Steph Palomo Schmidt collected her first goal of the season to tighten things again, but it was Dinino again to make it 6-4, and an Eric Willard empty-netter to seal the 7-4 deal for the team with a peel. Herrmann sits alone atop the stats slate with 11 and 6 in just five games (!). That’s impressive, for sure, but…I might be at least as impressed by the season that Kevin Dinino is having. The old, weathered war horse (apparently) still has plenty of zing in his shot, and pep in his step, having racked up 8 and 4 in six games to keep pace with the older, slower Salt, with whom he shares the silver spot on the stats podium. Orange’s 3-2-1 has them sitting in the middle of the pack, but they are definitely a team to watch, for more reasons than one…

Goins ‘N’ Roses scored their first hit on the charts, as ‘Sean Bon Joshi’ met the reborn to be wild Jon Bon Salty in Week Four. Salt picked up where he left off in Week Three, putting Red out front 1-0 with his fifth of the season. Patrick Walker popped back with a highlight reel coast to coast cash-in, but Salt responded…twice…to build the lead to 3-1. A late Carl Vankoughnett response kept the tension thick to the end, but Red would hold on to capture their first win of the season, 3-2 over Pink. Salt’s surge has yielded seven goals in two games, and it should be noted that the Week Four hat trick came against Sean Freaking Kelly. We’d have to spend a few hours with the record books to see if there are any other instances of Kelly having a hat hung on him…I doubt there are many/any others. Andrew Lockard picked up his first win of the season with a 21/23 showing, and both Pink and Red now find themselves in the gooey three point center of the standings going into the final games of 2021.

Grey v Purple…nothing to see here. Literally, there is nothing to report. Well, no goals to report…Grey did rack up three penalties….that do anything for you? I hope you had the under on this one, as heavy underdog, Grey, got a boost from London Peters’ replacement, Kevin Wilkinson. Wilkinson was the shot in the arm that Grey needed, but all of the whopping nine shots they mustered hit Sean Kelly’s arm, or leg, or glove, or some other body part. Kelly followed his rough ride against Red with a 9/9 shutout, while Andrew Lockard was much busier, and as good with a 20/20 no-no. Yes…different game, same goalie matchup…fewer goals. The 0-0 tie is certainly a moral victory for Grey, who earn their third point in the standings, in spite of having scraped and struggled to find a mere three goals in four games. For Purple, they are no longer ‘perfect’, but still unbeaten, and still sitting pretty just below Green at the top of table.

Goals and assists were back in fashion in the third game of the night…particularly goals and assists from dudes named Eric. Eric Herrmann broke the scoring seal for Orange in the early going, and had a pair of assists in the third….a period which saw Eric Willard score twice. Kevin Dinino continued his contract year contributions to cap the scoring for Captain Casey’s crew, but…White proved they also like to score. Julie Ott and Shawna Hamon had White out front 2-1 through two, and Mark Ennsmann and Glenn Pinto spoiled the Eric & Eric show with two strikes just forty-six ticks apart to bring the slugfest to a 4-4 stalemate. Nick Meglich (19/23) and Don Tran (21/25) absorbed all of the blows, and left with a ‘T’ and sympathy. The point propels Orange into the middle of the mediocre mélange at 1-2-1, while White are ‘making the paper’ for all the wrong reasons, sitting at 0-3-1 going into a crucial matchup with basement buddies, Cream.

Malki Malki Malki! The family remains a force through four weeks of play with another win on the backs of the namesakes. Chris Malki scored both goals for Green, with lil’ Joe assisting on game-winner in the second. Nick Meglich’s shutout bid was spoiled only by a last minute marker from Brian Sheptycki. It was not just another win for Meglich (13/14), who leads all goalies in all categories this season, but it was a win in the ‘Battle Of The Nicks’. Nick Vacchio’s 15/17 made him the second best Nick in nets in the 2-1 loss, which leaves Brown in cut line town at 1-2-0, and keeps Green the team to beat at 4-0-0. It gets no easier for Brown in Week Five, with a powerful Purple poised to avenge their only non-win, and keep pace with the Malki boys going into the holiday break.

According to the old adage, the cream rises to the top. Captain Gattey is still waiting for his Cream team to embrace that credo, as so far they have only succeeded in sinking. Now, when you come to a gun fight, and find you left the bullets at home (Dan Jurgens, Matt Gottfried, Kaity Gottfried, Derek Baxter, Jerry Gonzales), it’s hard to see your way to survival. Black took full advantage of Cream’s short bench/absence of top-half-of-the-draft talent, building to 3-1 lead in the first on goals by Captain Nick Vacchio, Jeff Anderson, and Josh Tran. Tran’s tally would prove the game-winner, as Ty Pereira accounted for both Cream responses in the 4-2 loss. Rob Gaudio had built the lead to 4-1 prior to Pereira’s second, but it was two little, two late for Cream. Wayne Wong earned his second win of the season with a 9/11 turn, while Steve Deppensmith (12/16) and Cream sagged to 0-2-1. Cream v White is certainly the feature Week Five matchup…it’s beginning to look a lot like ‘do or die’ for both teams.