CONGRATULATIONS TO THE SDFHL FALL 2021-2022 CHAMPS, ‘PURPLE REIGN’!

BACK ROW L=>R Kyra Forsyth (seen here stealing valor as a sub, replacing Amanda Edmonson…who replaced Nadia Saidi Connolly), Phil Nguyen, Justin Stege, Tom Darlington, Matt ‘I’ll Smile When I’m Dead’ Rogers, Cory Samuels Front Row L=>R Janice ‘The Better’ Darlington, Captain Zach Salt, Alex Theis, Luke Wolmer, Aaron Cooney

The SDFHL Fall League 2021-2022 playoffs certainly lacked the piquancy and parity of seasons past. Coming into the Final, only one game (Week Two’s tilt between Grey and Orange) was decided in extra time, and only a scant few of the other dozen games were close enough to warrant pulling the goalie in the final minutes. Scores of 5-0, 6-1, 7-0, and 8-0 made it feel like their was s definite glitch in the draft matrix this time around. Even the first playoff meeting between top two seeds/Final combatants, Green and Purple, ended with a 4-1 walk over win for the latter.

So, suffice it to say that hopes were not high for a thrilling final act, but….*throat clear*…IT WAS FREAKING EPIC! From start to finish, Green was pressing the pace, controlling the majority of the play, and producing nearly twice as many shots as the top-seeded favorites. Alex Theis was an absolute wall in spite of it all, keeping Purple poised and positioned through two scoreless periods. Nick Meglich was no less solid, though not nearly as tested at the other end, and as the clock wound toward the halfway mark of the third, it looked like the first of the two netminders to blink would take the loss.

The blink finally came, and it was Theis, with Chris Malki lifting a (Joe Malki…Sadie Hellstrom) rebound over his fallen frame to put Green up 1-0. Purple would need an answer, or they would be pushed to the brink themselves in a winner-take-all second game. Enter Matt Rogers (seen above beaming with the pride of a true champion). Rogers flashed through the slot, and provided Purple’s response just a minute later (with assists from Aaron Cooney and Captain Zach Salt). Finally…a game worthy of all the playoff pomp and circumstance…just in time to save this installment of the playoffs from ‘worst ever’ status. Could Purple keep the push pulsing, and deliver the dagger, or would Green find a second crack in Theis’ armor and force a sequel? With the clock winding to the final ticks of regulation, it looked like this one was headed to sudden death. That’s when a different kind of sudden death struck Green down, and lifted Purple to the podium. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a video is worth a million. Since I don’t have that kind of time….see for yourself. That’s right…end to end rush…Luke Wolmer…Captain Zach Salt…back of the net…game-winner with TWO seconds left!

Congratulations to Captain Zach Salt and ‘Purple Reign’ for capturing the Cup, and thanks to both teams for providing the heart-pounding finish every season deserves. The 2-1 wow factor win for Purple could just as easily have gone Green’s way instead, and who knows what would have happened in that second game. Thanks to perhaps the most insane Final finish ever, no one will never know…

The lesser dominoes have all fallen like a house of cards…checkmate. It’s now time for the real show…the stadium show…the one with smoke, and explosions, and drunk chicks on shoulders showing…appreciation to the bands. Captain Joe Malki’s ‘Sweet Child O’ Malki’ survived a bump in the road, and they’re coming back to face a primed and poised ‘Purple Reign’ this Sunday for all the marbles (marbles here being stacks of cash, adoring fans, backstage action, and piles of cocaine), Come out this Sunday and witness the face-melty awesomeness of the Fall 2021-2022 SDFHL Final!

The regular season matchup between Pink and Orange was not close. Orange was short four players, including Captain Bill Casey and the ridiculous WMD that is Eric Herrmann, but the 5-0 flattening had to be part of the revenge fantasy for the bottom seeds coming into the big playoff rematch. Both Casey and Herrmann were in the lineup for this one, but Pink picked up where they left off, with Carl Vankoughnett and Patrick Walker lighting the lamp within the span of a few minutes to flash the four seeds out to a 2-0 lead. The Herrmannator made his presence felt, breaking Orange’s scoring seal against Pink with just seconds left in the first. It was Herrmann again in the second to even the score, and set up a final frame for all the glory and fame. That’s when ‘the other Eric’ was tagged in, as Willard worked up a hat trick to dispatch Pink 5-2, and send Orange on to a meeting with the waiting Green. The ‘Eric & Eric Show’ would finish with 5 and 2, and Cory Brin looked like his usual steady self with the 14/16 winning effort. For those who would say that having Sean Kelly in nets might have saved Pink in this one…very doubtful. Chris Tran stood on his head, and the heads of several other people with a ridiculous 34/38 effort to even keep this one close. It was an impressive showing for Orange, but would they have enough left to sneak past Green in the night cap…

…nope. No. Negative. There is not a lot of compelling detail to convey about this game, so let me lead with that fact that it was Captain Bill Casey’s last SDFHL game. He is moving out east in the near future, and this was to be his swan song playoff run. Bill is an amazing dude…one of the classier and cooler players to have graced the league…he will be missed. Meanwhile, his playoff run hit a tall, Green brick wall in the second game, as Captain Joe Malki’s crew took zero prisoners in an 8-0 Orange annihilation. Chris Malki, Joe Malki, Chris Malki, Brian McDonnell, and Sadie Hellstrom all lit the lamp in a five goal first, and it was clear that this one was over not long after it started. Orange stemmed the tide in a scoreless second, but the dam burst again in the third with a pair of strikes from Jet Javelet, and a final smack from Hellstrom. Sadie would finish with POTW honors for her 2 and 3 outing, and Javelet and Papa Malki each racked up 2 and 2. Cory Brin (25/33) was clearly worn out, and even his equipment decided it had had enough, failing to hold together under the non-stop siege. Orange’s offense was tired, but tried to the end, managing fourteen futile shots against Nick Meglich. Even given the advantage of facing a tired opponent, Green’s effort was impressive/noteworthy. They will need all of that firepower and feisty flare to take down ‘Purple Reign’, who await them in the Final this Sunday…

Hands weren’t wrung, nails weren’t bitten, entire seats in the stands (not just the edges) were utilized, and I would be a bit surprised if much of a sweat was even broken, as the much-anticipated showdown between the two seeds at the top sadly lacked much real snap, crackle, or pop. Captain Zach Salt put the top dogs on top early in the first, and Cory Samuels netted the game-winner early in the second, but the night belonged to Luke Wolmer and Alex Theis. Wolmer assisted on Samuels’ strike, then added two of his own to put the game out of reach in the third. Alex Theis (25/26) has been keeping wins out of reach for teams all season, and he was all the shades of solid to spectacular that we’ve come to expect, in spite of Green outshooting Purple in vain by a count of 26 to 14. Zach Siemer did the only damage to Theis’ sheet, but the wind was well out of the challenger’s sails by that point, and ‘Purple Reign’ went on to a 4-1 win. Purple can now enjoy a week off, already perched in place in the Final, while Green is forced to find redemption in the repechage (flexing my rowing lingo, y’all). I’m not a betting man (OK…I actually really am), but I can’t see any team beating Purple back-to-back to snatch their crown. Whoever makes their way to that point better hope they catch Theis on a bad day…assuming he actually has those…

The middle game had a bit more meat on the bone, as the lowest remaining seeds battled to the (playoff) death. Josh Wirt put White in the lead early in the second, but ‘The Herrmannator’ was quick with a short-handed response. Paul Bright picked a perfect time to score his first career SDFHL goal (CONGRATULATIONS!) to make it 2-1 White, but Eric Herrmann answered back again to knot it at two apiece. Gary Peters was in the box for Herrmann’s short handed strike, and he provided the lone assist on the second, but would take matters into his own hands in the third. He potted the game-winner in the early going, and sealed the (already done) deal with an empty-netter with one second remaining. Herrmann assisted on both of those goals, capping a 2 and 2 night, while Cory Brin (24/26) returned to form in time to push his team forward in the playoff picture with a 4-2 victory. Don Tran (20/23) took the loss, and that loss meant the end of the line for Captain Wirth’s hot and cold White side. Orange will need two bowls of Wheaties this Sunday morning. Should they find their way past Pink, they will need to rally their tired legs, and find a way to overcome a rested and ready Green team.

The Week Three gods saved the best for last, as #3 Red faced off against #4 Pink. Jon Salt had Red in front early (with help from Jeannine Stuzka and Min-Soo Smith), and Joe Nguyen accounted for the lone goal in the second to set up a winner-take-all final frame. It was Salt again to give Red the edge at 4:07 in the third, and the clock was steadily ticking away Pink’s hopes of survival. Incredibly, with just twenty-four of those ticks remaining, Carl Vankoughnett found the equalizer, saving Pink’s season, and stunning Captain Janet’s crew. Jim LaGrossa (reportedly) hit the crossbar with seconds remaining…a few inches lower, and this game would have entered league lore for most shocking and surreal comeback regulation win. Extra time produced no winner, although Red continued to build on their impressive shot advantage…they ultimately had nothing to show for it but a 30-13 ‘win’ in that department. For the first time in this playoff season, it was on to the shootout! LaGrossa found pay dirt in the leadoff spot, and Salt found only frustration. Joe Nguyen and Jon Zygleman traded blanks, and neither Carl Vankoughnett, nor Min-Soo Smith could convert. Andrew Wong failed to score in the fourth slot for Pink, but Vance Morra found a sliver of space in Sean Kelly’s armor to even the ledger at 1-1. Maureen Ruchhoeft missed on her attempt, and then Jeannine Stuzka stepped to center court, DID A FUCKING CARTWHEEL, then…also missed on her attempt (kudos for the entertainment value, Neaners!). LaGrossa…so hot right now, LaGrossa…he converted AGAIN to put the pressure back on Salt, and Salt could not solve Da Kid…game over, 3-2 Pink over Red in a shootout. Wow…THAT is what I am talking about, people! Red are resigned to the playoff roadside with the rest of us losers, while Pink prime themselves for a potential double header this Sunday. If they get past those pesky bottom seeds, Orange, they will need to muster the energy to overcome Green. It will be hard to top this game, but here’s hoping for two great games this Sunday…

The Week Two slate kicked off with the first of two elimination games. Captain Pynn’s ‘Rolling Gladstones’ finally found a full bench at the end of the attendance woe rainbow…but they also found The Herrmannator lurking, poised to propel Orange onward after an embarrassing 5-0 loss to Purple. Eric Herrmann found the net twice before most fans had found their seats, weaving, wowing, and wreaking wrister havoc on Grey’s defense to make it 2-0 less than two minutes in. Grey would find their form, and Kevin Wilkinson found an answer less than a minute later to cut the lead in half. It was Wilkinson again early in the second to bring things level, and Grey really held the better part of the play from there out. The end of regulation came with the score still knotted at twos, but with Grey having outshot Orange by a 31-14 margin. The only shots that count are the ones that go in, though, and Dorothy Kline’s innocent-looking blue line fling found a will and a way to bound in past Chris Tran (12/15) to seal the OT deal for Orange, 3-2. Nick Meglich was otherworldly in a fill-in role for Cory Brin, stopping 30/32 to frustrate, and ultimately finish Grey. The loss lands Grey on the scrap heap with Cream, Blue, and Brown, while Orange live on to face the only other ‘under seed’ remaining, White, this Sunday. Orange tied White 4-4 in Week Four, but it’s worth noting the Josh ‘The Wirtinator’ Wirt was not suited for White in that showdown.

If you were hoping for a Week Two playoff parity party, I sure hope you caught the first game of the evening. The rest…not remotely close. Captain Joe Malki’s Green continued their playoff push by pushing over (then pummeling) White with shocking ease. Chis Malki, Jet Javelet, Chris Malki, Jet Javelet, Jet Javelet, Chris Malki, Chris Malki…two players, seven goals, and a touchdown lead with more than six minutes to play. White could not even muster a token positive from the match, with Nick Meglich giving Josh Wirt nothing to shoot at on a penalty shot in the third. Meglich would earn the shutout on 10/10, while Don Tran (23/30) absorbed the loss, and the brunt of Green’s barrage in the 7-0 slaughter. Chris Malki would finish with 4 and 2, Javelet with 3 and 1 and a loose tooth (after taking a ball to the mouth with six seconds remaining). It’s full steam ahead for Green, as they prepare for the big battle of the bands with Purple. White have a lot of wound licking to do, but they are still alive, and will look to bounce back against a high-powered, but hit-or-miss Orange.

A scoreless first period was as good as it would get for Pink, who left their big guns (twin scoring leaders, Carl Vankoughnett and Jim LaGrossa) in their other pants. This is not a recommended practice when facing any team, let alone playoffs phavorites, Purple. Justin Stege finally broke the seal late in the second, and Captain Zach Salt tacked on the game-winner less than a minute later. Salt would go on to drop a hat trick in the third, Cory Samuels would get in on the goal scoring and goal assisting act, and Stege would pick up two helpers of his own to turn a slow and steady slide to victory into an absolute boat race. Greg Mallinger became the lone scorer for Pink in garbage time, spoiling Alex Theis’ shutout bid (13/14). It was a rare result indeed for Sean Kelly, who was solid, but ultimately peppered and Salted to death (29/35). The 6-1 romp has Captain Salt and ‘Purple Reign’ moving on to face their rivals, Green, with a spot in the Final on the line. A win, and they’re in. A loss…could mean a Salt v Salt Loser’s Bracket showdown…we’re all winners, in that case. Pink will look to make that matchup a ‘what if’, as they turn to face Red and ‘the other Salt’ this Sunday. For Pink’s sake, here’s hoping they bring those big guns…

While not quite the blowout beheld in the previous two matchups, Red’s 4-2 win over Black ‘felt’ pretty convincing. Jon Salt got Red on the board very early (9:15), and had the three seed up 2-0 minutes later (7:19). Andy Strathman responded for Black late in the first, but it was Kim Hernandez with the game-winner, and Salt to complete his hat trick in the second. Strathman cut the lead back to two with his second of the game early in the third, but Andrew Lockard (23/25) stood tall the rest of the way to preserve the 4-2 win, and send Black to their two-and-done playoff exit. Wayne Wong (16/20) put forth a valiant effort in his first season in nets, posting a 4-4-1 regular season record, but alas, his fate, and the fate of ‘Black Slappath’ was signed and sealed with a Salty kiss. Captain Vacchio’s team join Grey, Cream, Blue, and Brown on the playoff sidelines, while Red look to rev up their revenge tour this Sunday versus Pink.