Cockroaches, Marvel super villains, the giant chicken on Family Guy…all things that are ‘hard to kill’. We can officially add ‘Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft’s ‘White Hot Flashes’ to that list…maybe the top of that list, after another ridiculous reversal of fortune kept her team out of the loss column and one point closer to a playoff position. A scoreless first elapsed with both teams advancing, retreating, and trying to find their form. Ezra Cohen checked in with his first of the season at 8:40 in the second to put Maroon out front (from Vinny Santora), but Young Canuck™ POTW, Brennan Abel responded minutes later to bring the ledger level. A Jeff Henderson trip to the box for tripping found Maroon short-handed, but John Boddy found a short-handed goal (from super sub, Deborah Finucane) with just 0:22 to go in the middle frame, putting Captain Leah Gonzales’ group out front, 2-1. Joe Malki struck at 8:37 in the third, then recorded the primary assist on (really super sub) Finucane’s goal-flavored contribution to build Maroon’s lead to a sturdy, sizeable 4-1 bulge. This is when White did what White does…break your back with a killer comeback. Abel drew White within two (from super sub, Sadie Hellstrom, and Geoff Downes) at 4:22, then Phil Nguyen (from Hellstrom, again) made it 4-3 with 1:27 to play. White continued to press, pulling Chuck Bender (14/18) to allow for an extra attacker. A frantic final minute saw White swarming…sparing no effort in their push to complete another cosmically confounding coup. Brennan Abel…from a long line of Abels…so named because they are able to create facts from fable…backhand snap…0:22…4-4 is your final, folks…another non-loss for White, and a tough one point pill for Maroon…incredible! White, who by all rights could/should be 2-2-1, now sit at 2-0-3, very much in the hunt for the playoff cat bird seat, and forever brimming with confidence from here out, no matter what the score, and what the time on the clock. Maroon, who had all but counted their third win of the season, now sit at a sample platter 2-2-2 in the mushy middle of the standings with four games left on their slate.

The irresistible force that is Charcoal (twenty-seven goals in five games coming into Week Nine) met the immovable object that is Silver’s Silas Perks, who had allowed just four goals in four games coming in to the showdown. The result was…what you would expect? Zach Salt gave his goalie a one goal lead with his third of the season late in the third (from Arnold Gonzales), and one is quite often all you need with King Silas suited up behind you. Charcoal pressed for the equalizer, and Silver sought insurance, but neither team did any damage in the second, leaving everything on the line going into the final ten minutes of play. Zach Siemer (15/17) was certainly solid in Don Tran’s stead, but Matt Gottfried converted a Justin Ker pass to double the lead for Silver with 5:33 to play, and a two goal lead is almost always a winning edge for Perks. Spoiler alert, it was exactly the winning edge in this one, as Perks (20/20) stuck the dismount on another monster effort, earning his fourth win on the season in Silver’s 2-0 tiptoe past the titans of twine-tickling. The win keeps Silver lossless through the first half of their season at 4-0-1, alone atop the standings pile with nine points. Perks himself remains parked in the prime spot on the goalie stats table with a gaudy .964/0.80/2 SO line. Charcoal will definitely have a possible playoff rematch with Silver circled on their calendar, and will hope that the their co-leader in goal scoring, Kalen Hunter, will be in the lineup for that one. The player who shares that goal scoring lead for Charcoal…Owen Perks! The rematch story lines (and the Thanksgiving table smack talk) is writing itself, folks…

It is becoming more and more difficult to convey the depths of utter futility that Captain Shelby Shattuck’s ‘Black Widow’ have reached through the first half of their season. They limped into Week Nine with zero wins, ZERO goals, and just one point in the standings, which was, of course, the result of a ZERO-ZERO tie with basement buddies, Tropical Blue. Still, they had reason to believe that the fifth time would be the charm, as they lined up against an 0-4-0 Red team…the only team with less points in the standings….but also a team at least as desperate to change their fate. The first period…no surprises…scoreless, with a mere eight shots combined, and no sign of a clear edge for either side. Rob Gaudio finally broke the seal with his second in as many games (from Brother Joe™ and Mostafa Azab), to give Red that edge, and put Black (once again) on edge. After all, if you have failed to score though the first thirteen periods of the season, you have to start feeling like it may never happen. The 1-0 Red lead held well into the third period, with the clock steadily eroding Black’s morale, and Nick Meglich (10/10) remaining strong in a sub stint for Nick Vacchio. Brother Joe™ added the final nail in an already shut and sealed coffin with just 0:35 to play, taking any chance of a point out of play for Black, who once again failed to muster a single goal in the 2-0 soul-crushing loss. Matt Henderson (11/13) was forced to swallow another L, all while watching his team’s NOffence register their fifth straight goal-free game. Without grinding through piles of historical stats, I feel confident in stating that this is the worst scoreless stretch for any team in 25+ years of SDFHL play. You cannot win if you cannot score, and Black has now managed an entire half of a season without so much as a lucky bounce to their credit. It’s a bit too early to start with the math, but Black will almost certainly need to win four of their remaining five games if they have any hope of making the playoffs. Baby steps…they will need to score A SINGLE FUCKING GOAL against Olive this Sunday, as a start. The win gets Captain Emily Bennington’s side off the schnide, but at 1-4-0, they still have a long way to go to second season safety. A second straight win will be a major challenge, as they face an angry, overpowered Charcoal in Week Ten.

Captain Kyra Forsyth’s Tropical Blue entered Week Nine with the same sad, solitary point in the standings as Black…but with one more notch in the games played column. The bright side…they came in to their match with Royal Blue knowing that they could score the occasional goal, with half a dozen in the bank through their 0-4-1 first half. Captain Janet Biggerstaff Goins’ team had to like their chances in the Battle Of Two Blue Hues, as their roster features two players who themselves had already matched or bettered Tropical’s goal totals to that point in the season. Those two players, Eric Herrmann and Carl Vankoughnett, had to be licking their chops at the chance to perpetuate one of the most shocking storylines of the first half…that Sean Kelly appears to be mortal! A scoreless first saw both Kelly and Nick Meglich steady and focused, but Herrmann did find a way past the former in the second (from Glenn Pinto and Vankoughnett) to give Royal Blue a 1-0 lead. That lead lasted exactly forty seconds, as Andy Strathman (from Ian Crooks and Dan Jurgens) struck back for Tropical Blue at 2:17 in the second to even things at one apiece. A scoreless third meant that both Kelly (18/19) and Meglich (16/17) would tip their respective caps to one another in a 1-1 tie. Tropical is ‘trending in the right direction’ now, with points in consecutive games, but you cannot crawl your way to the podium in a foot race, and they remain very much on the outside of the playoff picture looking in now at 0-4-2. The door to May games could be all but slammed closed on Tropical’s stormy season if they can’t find a way to stun (the unkillable) ‘White Hot Flashes’ in Week Ten. The tie puts the ‘point’ in disappointment for Royal Blue, who could have matched Silver’s nine spot with a win, but there is really no doubt that this this shade of blue’s true colors will propel them to the playoffs.

Captain Wendy Enright’s Olive found themselves pitted in their first two games of the season, but pleasantly pimentoed (new verb the kids are all using) in their third and fourth turns, leaving them at 2-2-0, and riding a two game win streak into their first half finale. Captain Kerri Sevenbergen’s Purple took a decidedly more jagged jog into Week Nine, with blowout loss, blowout win, blowout loss, narrow win, and tepid tie their story coming into the Week Nine nightcap. Olive looked to keep their winning ways whirring, while Purple hoped to break that broken pattern, string together strong starts, and boost their confidence and playoff security in the process. Josh Tran made his opening argument for maintaining the ‘winning ways’, putting Olive on top with an unassisted strike at 8:20 in the first. Jon Salt presented his case for ‘breaking the broken pattern’ with his seventh of the season at 6:13 in the second (from Mark Nagy). The third period would be the judge, and Josh Wirt brought his robe, his gavel, and a bag full of gravel to bury Purple with a late pair of goals to keep Olive rolling confidently, and Purple rocking precariously, 3-1. Wirt’s game-winner came courtesy of a helping hand from Captain Enright at 2:13, and the empty net nail was hammered home by Josh & Josh Construction & Demolition™ (Wirt from Tran). Purple enter their bye week at 2-3-1, which would have them wringing their hands in playoff peril most any other season. This is not any other season, though, and the odds of Red or Tropical Blue closing the current three point cut off line gap while Purple sit idle are slim, at best. Meanwhile, the win pushes Olive’s record to the winning side at 3-2-0, and makes them officially the ‘hottest team in the league’, having won three straight. In fact, only one other team (front running Silver) has matched that streak at any point this season. They will hope to bump the run to four this Sunday against a beaten, beleaguered Black side.

So…another rainout, but I went back and typed up the Week Five recaps! So, fresh content (related to a stale subject)…ENJOY!

Unless you skipped the headline blurb, or have a VERY short short term memory, you know that our cover team is making the paper for all the wrong reasons. Their bout with Captain Janet Goins’ Royal Blue kicked off the Week Seven slate, and (again, in case your memory is as tragically awful as the 2022-23 San Jose Sharks) it did not go well for Captain Emily Bennington’s Red side. Scott Wieland did put the winless whelps on the board first at 8:47 in the first period, but PPOTW (the extra P is for pity), Carl Vankoughnett, called…then raised that challenge with his first two tallies of the night to give Blue the lead heading out of the first frame. A scoreless second set up a thrilling third in which we (finally) got our first Rob Gaudio sighting of the season (speaking of people who have disappeared mysteriously). Gaudio’s power play strike at 8:34 was answered just over a minute later by Old Man Vankoughnett, giving Blue back the lead. Hima Joshi entered the fray with her first of the season at 5:29 to re-knot the score at 3-3, but it was Vankoughnett again, this time with the helping hand on Eric Herrmann’s game-winner at 4:02. Nick Meglich (13/16) held strong in nets to earn the 4-3 win for Royal Blue, who improve to 3-1-1 moving into the halfway point in the season. Nick Vacchio’s valiance was once again in vain, as his 26/30 effort was not enough to prevent another hard luck loss. Needless to say, Captain Bennington and Red will need to achieve liftoff ASAP if they want to avoid being grounded for the playoffs. Their season is all but officially on a wing and a prayer as they face a tough challenge in Aqua this Sunday.

The Gift Of The Magi, Romeo & Juliet, Black v Tropical Blue…all tragic tales of ironic fate, each one sadder than the next. Two winless, desperate teams met in Week Seven, and yes, ladies and gentlemen…both teams left winless! The icing on the cake in the rain…neither team scored a single goal. If you’re scoring at home, Black has still yet to score…at all. That’s twelve full periods of scoreless hockey to start the season…not so much as a lucky bounce into the opponent’s net. Tropical Blue has six goals this so far this season, thank you very much, but what they really needed was a win. What both teams got was what the really didn’t need…another non-win. It’s perhaps the most deliciously depressing outcome in league history…mutually assured destruction by way of futility. If you subscribe to silver linings, both teams did earn their first point in the 0-0 draw, with Matt Henderson earning first AND third star honors with an applause-worthy 25/25 sparkler, and Sean Kelly returning to ‘Da Kid’ form with a 13/13 clean sheet. Both teams can also now look down at a team for the first time this season, with Red still stuck in the starting blocks at 0-4-0. There is still time for one or both of these teams to claw their way back into the playoff picture, but math is a cruel mistress, and splitting the two points in this game is really just another loss for both teams…sad.

From have-nots, to haves, the evening shifted to a battle of unbeatens, with Captain Audrey Stratton’s surprisingly stout Silver side taking on Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft’s well-rounded White. Just to complete the ‘opposite side of the coin’ comparison completely, both lossless teams left lossless! Sadie Hellstrom put Silver in front at 6:54 in the first with her third of the season (from Arnold Gonzales and Ramsey Ksar), but Young Canuck™ super stud, Brennan Abel, responded for White early in the second (from Old Man Linke) to put the teams on even footing through two. Ramsey Ksar would notch a second assist on Justin Ker’s go ahead marker for Silver at 7:32 in the third, but Abel was not done contributing for White, this time providing the helper on Geoff Downes’ power play leveler with 3:02 to play. The 2-2 tie was a strong result for both sides (as opposed to the bitter back breaker a one point result was for Black and Tropical Blue). Both teams are now firmly entrenched in the upper half of the standings, and both hold a game in hand over every other team with five points or more. All of that is well and good, but what was GREAT was (once again) the play of Silas Perks in nets for Silver. Perks turned aside 28/30 to remain unbeaten on the season, and untouched at the top of the goalie stats stacks (that one’s for you, Chris). Chuck Bender (12/14) turned in a fine performance at the other end as well, in what continues to be a statement season for the seasoned statesman. His 2-0-2/.871/2.00 line has him third in the goalie parade this season, and he has been a reliable last line of defense so far for a clear contender.

Parity is great and all, but three draws in one night is down right FIFA-riffic. The nil-nil Black/Tropical Blue fixture (love that this is somehow the term for ‘game’ in Britspeak), then the 2-2 Silver/White sister kiss (more fun with slang), then Aqua and Purple completing the tepid trilogy with a 1-1 grinder. If you read the front page last week, or were lucky enough to bear live witness, Janice Darlington scored an absolutely world class goal, wristing home a roof job past Silas Perks (current king of goalie kings) to the jaw-dropped joy of everyone in eye shot. Fast forward to Week Seven, and it was lesser Darlington half, Tom, doing to the sniping, burying a centering feed from Mark DeGraffenreid past Patrick Theis to give Aqua a 1-0 edge late in the first. Seriously, I don’t know what is in the water at the Darlington Manor, but…I need some of that scoring punch. They’re both smart cookies, so they’re probably just watching educational videos on the subject. Whatever the case, it’s working…and working wonders for my assist numbers (which are the only numbers I have). Brandon Olsen would settle the score (for good) in the second, finishing a feed from Jon Salt who had his work boots on for a fair stretch below the goal line to make something out of nothing. Chris Tran (17/18) was sharp as ever, despite coming off a personal two week hiatus to treat his addiction to popping bubble wrap (or vacation or something…I don’t pry), and Patrick Theis made his SDFHL HOF father proud with a brilliant 28/29 outing. Much like Silver and White, the 1-1 tie keeps both teams purring along out of harm’s way, running at the point-or-so per game clip needed to secure a playoff position come late April.

Leave it to Captain Shawna Hamon and ‘CoCoal Chanel’ to call the cops on the raging parity party that was Week Seven. Captain Leah Gonzales and Maroon came into the match looking like confident contenders, but Charcoal has a habit of playing ‘to the pain‘, and making mighty look meek. They added seven goals to their gaudy season stash of TWENTY SEVEN in this one, and have once again forced me into recapping this game with a comma separated list of accomplishments in lieu of my signature flowery prose. Kalen Hunter (unassisted), Kalen Hunter (from Chris Tran), Owen Perks (from Tran and Mark Ennsmann), Perks (unassisted), Ennsmann (from Parsa Mostafavi), Chris Tran (unassisted), and Mark Ennsmann (from Perks). Two in the first, three in the second, and two more in the third to dispatch Maroon with sickening ease, 7-2. Maroon did keep it a game through the first half of the proceedings, as Chris Malki found twine at 0:59 in the first, and John Boddy’s hot hand tied things (VERY) temporarily at 2-2 early in the second. Don Tran (12/14) turned in another winning performance, while Steve Deppensmith (11/17) felt the full sting of a seven spot in the loss. Maroon will have bounce back on the brain this Sunday, as they line up against a 2-2-0 Olive, while Sean Kelly will have to be in full Sean Kelly mode for Tropical Blue to keep Charcoal from hitting the mid 30’s in goals scored through six games…scary stuff, people!

Captain Audrey Stratton’s Silver side has been enjoying lavish meals, afternoons by the pool, and weekly spa treatments at the W Hotel to this point in the season, and several other teams have been racking up points and stashing them in an IRA, or some offshore tax shelter. It’s nice to see teams do well, but we should also keep the less fortunate in mind. Red, Tropical Blue, and Black are now a combined 0-10-0, with Black having failed to score a single goal through three games! I’m not suggesting that these teams are open to charitable contributions, but if they don’t find a way to make ends meet soon, they will all remain below the cut line, with no playoff ballot to cast come May…

Captain Leah Gonzales’ Maroon rolled into Week Six on a…well, roll, having dispatched their last two opponents after an opening week push with Aqua. Captain Janet Goins and Blue came in reeling a bit, having won big in their first outing, lost big in their second, then suffered the lasting sting of a beyond brutal buzzer beater (?) against White in Week Five. Would the waves of woe continue to lash Blue’s shores, or would Maroon experience bad times at the L Royale for the first time this season? A busy first period held no answers, as Eric Herrmann’s opener for Blue was met minutes later with John Boddy’s equalizer, and followed by a Chris Malki strike to put Maroon in front. Nik Thompson brought Blue back level, and the first frame closed at 2-2. A scoreless second period kept the tension tingling, and left both teams primed for celebration, and braced for failure. Enter Erin Plone…scoring her first SDFHL goal at 6:49, on an assist from Kyle Prior to account for the game-winner (CONGRATULATIONS)! If you predicted ‘Plone from Prior to seal Maroon’s fate’, I would like you to buy my lottery tickets, and join me on trips to the casino from here on out. The milestone marker was followed quickly by a contribution from perhaps the most predictable combo in the land (Carl Vankoughnett from Eric Herrmann), then it was Herrmann from Thompson on the powerplay to put the final notch on the 5-2 belt for Blue. Nick Meglich (13/15) jumped right back on the track after the crazy, controversial ending against White that saw his win wiped away, while Steve Deppensmith’s lossless streak came to crashing halt with a 19/24 effort.

Early season losses don’t always spell doom for an SDFHL team. There is often a ‘settling in’ period with the new mix of players, and there may be other factors (attendance being the primary) that can make for a slow start out of the gate. Still, with only ten games on the slate, a playoff team typically needs at least eight or nine points to survive to the second season. That would be something like a 3-4-3 record. Unfortunately for Captain Kyra Forsyth and Tropical Blue, the four in the middle of that string is now firmly in place, after falling flat again in their fourth attempt to fly. Nick Vacchio, who has actually had a downright heroic and impressive season thus far (in vain), got the starving dogs on the board first in the first, but Mark Nagy was quick (:33 seconds later quick) to answer for Purple, making it 1-1 through one. Eusebio Brown found his first of the season (perhaps his career?) from Christopher Fiore in the second to put Tropical Blue back on top in the second, but Purple prevailed with a pair in the third…Weston Nawrocki from Jon Salt to tie it, then solo Salt to win in, 3-2 Purple over Tropical Blue. Patrick Theis (12/14) leveled his record at 2-2-0, bouncing back nicely from a 6-1 beatdown in Week Five, while Sean Kelly (13/16) suffered his fourth loss in what is quickly becoming THE story of the season, thus far. Unfortunately for Tropical Blue, that is a very scary story, and one that is unlikely to have a happy ending. Week Seven finds them in a crucial showdown with fellow winless wonders, Black. A win could be all they need to start trending in the right direction, while a loss…time to start looking into ‘fun things to do on Sunday evenings in San Diego in May’…

Captain Wendy Enright’s Olive was pitted (see what I did there) against two of the tougher teams in the league in their first two weeks of play, resulting in two losses. With goalie Cory Brin still lingering in limbo with a shoulder injury, a significantly short-benched Olive turned to Chuck Bender in Week Five to turn things around…against Tropical Blue. If you read the previous paragraph, you know how that game ended, and with it ended Olive’s winless ways. They hoped to throttle that trend in a Week Six meeting with Captain Emily Bennington’s Red. If you happened to read the headline blurb, you also know how this one ended…with Olive prevailing 3-1 to even their record at 2-2-0, and keep Red in the early season losers’ lounge at 0-3-0. A scoreless first saw Red outshoot Olive 6-3, but super sub, Nick Meglich (13/14), held the fort while his surrogate team fumbled for their offensive form. They found that form in the second period, with Will Heinl (from Jason Northrup and Josh Tran) breaking the scoring seal at 1:20 to play in the middle period, and Josh Wirt following with the game-winner at 0:39 (from Dr. Gary Peters, MD). An early third period strike from Mostafa Azab had Red back in reach of their first positive outcome, but London Peters (from Wirt) sealed the deal, and sentenced Red to another tough loss. At the risk of beating a dying (possibly dead) horse, Red will really need to hit reverse on their current course ASAP if they have any hope of pushing into the playoffs. They face a tough challenge in Royal Blue this Sunday, then another against Aqua in Week Eight. They will need points in one or both of those games, or the season will start to look, feel, and frankly straight up be lost. Olive pull into their bye week at 2-2-0, with Zach Siemer coming in as a permanent replacement for Cory Brin in nets. An even record, a stable goalie situation, a two game win streak, and a rested, recovered team…all good things.

Silas Perks is something special. He was the backbone of Captain Jon Champine’s champion Green team in his rookie season, and he has been about as close to untouchable as it gets so far in his sophomore stint. His numbers (.968/0.67/1 SO) through the first three games of the season are gaudy, but somehow barely illustrated just how dominant he has been. All of this excellence provides a perfect backdrop/amplifier to one of the most badass snipes this league has ever seen, as Janice Darlington caught a pass on the right side, moved in a few steps, and snapped a shelf-rattler over Perks’ shoulder to stun everyone within a five mile radius, and put Aqua out in front, 1-0. Seriously, folks…I get chills thinking about it…it was insane. Unfortunately for Captain Stephanie Palomo Schmidt, that sublime strike was by no means a sign of an unraveling for Perks, but rather the…only goal he would allow all game *sad trombone*. Matt Gottfried leveled the ledger in the second period (from Zach Salt and Ramsey Ksar), and a Benny Hill inspired third period for Aqua meant that the lead, and plenty of insurance would follow, ultimately resulting in a 4-1 Silver win. Sadie Hellstrom tucked home the rare short-handed game-winner early in the final frame, Justin Ker’s furious solo forecheck led to the third tally, and Gottfried capped his night and the scoring with empty net icing. So, once again, Silas Perks (18/19) laughed last and loudest (not that he would actually do that…far to nice a lad), keeping Silver a perfect 3-0-0, and furthering the narrative that he is now the best goalie in the league…indeed, one of the most valuable players in the league, regardless of position. Nick Vacchio (15/18) was sharp, but ultimately at the mercy of the team in front of him…an Aqua side who certainly had moments of confusion and lack of focus. It is the first loss of the season for Aqua, but they will definitely need a better effort against Purple this Sunday if they hope to avoid their second L in as many weeks.

Captain Shelby Shattuck’s ‘Black Widow’, ironically, has no bite at all, let alone a deadly one. While the team is by no means feared/startling/scary like their namesake, their numbers thus far this season are absolutely the stuff of nightmares. Zero wins, three losses, zero goals scored, fifteen goals allowed, and a shot differential of -22…*shudder*. It did not help that the Week Six opponent was the de facto early season juggernaut, Charcoal. By comparison, Charcoal stands at 3-1-1, with TWENTY goals for, eight goals allowed, and a +19 shot differential. To say that this one was lopsided would be like saying ‘Kid Rock is maybe not the most talented dude…his ‘music’ is not the best’ (it would be a massive understatement, lest you are a fan of talentless, stringy haired rednecks). Owen Perks took the torch from his much-ballyhooed bro, notching the first goal at 3:53 in the first (from Mark Ennsmann and Parsa Mostafavi), and Jackson Tomaszewski followed with his SDFHL career first (CONGRATULATIONS!) from Captain Shawna Hamon and Perks to make it 2-0. The floodgates opened in the second period, as Kalen Hunter converted a Tomaszewski feed, Perks’ tallied a second on the night (from Ennsmann), Ennsmann snapped home one of his own, then assisted on Ryan Loughran’s second of the season (with second assist to Captain Hamon). The score after two would hold through as the final, Charcoal over Black, 6-0. Major kudos are due Captain Hamon for moving her most dangerous forward back to play defense for the second half of this game. They did not stop trying, and there was nothing patronizing about the move, nor their play from there out…it was just a small change that showed big sportsmanship…at least in this reporter’s eyes. Oh….look who was filling in between the pipes for Charcoal…Silas Perks! His 13/13 clean sheet clearly wasn’t the big difference in this game, but it did mean another scoreless outing for the beaten and beleaguered Black. Chuck Bender (19/25) took the lumps and the loss in place of Matt Henderson, who is scheduled to return for this Sunday’s big showdown between Black and the only other team with more losses to this point, Tropical Blue. If Captain Shattuck can get attendance from her big pieces, and those big pieces can FINALLY break the scoring drought, it could be the turning point they have been looking for. If not, you can all but consider this spider crushed.

When the Chris Tran is away, his two team will play (against each other). Captain Shawna Hamon’s Charcoal strutted into Week Five with a 2-0-0 record, having outscored their two opponents 12-4. Captain Steph Palomo Schmidt and Aqua arrived at 1-0-1, with a very meager 4-2 goal margin. With Chris Tran out (for both teams), Aqua turned to Chuck Bender to stop the pack of remaining potent point producers on Charcoal. With the Darlington’s on the ski slopes, and John Hwang still on the shelf with a badly sprained ankle, the odds were in favor of a Charcoal cake walk. Matt Rogers had a rebuttal to that line of logic, pushing up from his defensive position to spin and fire home first blood late in the first period (from David Schlatter and Mark DeGraffenreid). Schlatter was next to play late period hero in the second (from DeGraffenreid and Rogers) to give Aqua a two goal edge heading into the third. Kalen Hunter finally struck back for Charcoal (from Captain Shawna Hamon and Owen Perks), but a (rather controversial) interference call on Hunter led to a power play that saw Aqua restore their two point padding (Schlatter from Rogers and Brian Sheptycki). Owen Perks cut the lead back to one with 1:15 to play (from Hunter and Hamon), setting up a tense finish. The nerves were settled in short order, as Schlatter launched a full court empty netter just fifteen seconds later to complete the hatter and settle the matter for good, 4-2 Aqua over Charcoal.

John Boddy was a badass trapped in the bloated, rotting body of a bad team in his first SDFHL season. While he still managed 4 and 4 in six games his rookie season, it seemed clear that he was destined to break out for real with his first ‘real’ team. Week Five was that big boom for Boddy, and it served as the backbone for a brutal 6-1 beatdown of color cousins, Purple. Boddy put Maroon in front at 5:35 in the first (from Ezra Cohen and Mark Scelfo), and Chris Malki (from Scelfo) doubled the lead to close out the period. It was Boddy, Boddy, Boddy, and Boddy in the second to build the bulge to 6-0 (assist on the second goal of the period to Papa Malki, then Cohen and Hima Joshi on the fourth). It was one of the more ridiculous single period outbursts in league history (obviously), and something of a statement that JB is absolutely a force to be reckoned with this season. In what would amount to little more than a shutout-spoiling ‘remember me’ marker, Jon Salt finally fired back from Purple (from Mark Nagy) to cap the scoring for the second period, and indeed the game. Patrick Theis (19/25) paid Boddy’s pound of flesh, downing the bitter six pack and absorbing his second lopsided loss of the season. Steve Deppensmith (11/12) was near perfect at the other end, anchoring Maroon’s second straight win in style…not bad for a 98 year old 🙂

Silas Perks…are you tired of hearing about this dude yet? Well…do something about it…score more than one (MAYBE two) goals against him…make him look like less of a well-oiled, well-programmed robogoalie. Either that, or shut up, tip your cap, and take your loss. That’s just the option that Captain Emily Bennington and Red were relegated to, after trying in vain to put one past King Silas in Week Five. A scoreless first had Nick Vacchio the (much) busier of the two goalies, as he faced eight shots to Perk’s paltry three challenges, but both backstops held the fort, and held the 0-0 line through one. Zach Salt broke through early in the second (from Alexis DaCosta), and Justin Ker followed a few minutes later (from Salt and Arnold Gonzales) to give Silver a 2-0 lead…a veritable victory death grip with Perks patrolling the pipes. It was Ker again early in the third (from super sub, Deborah Finucane, and Arnold Gonzales), and 3-0 was indeed more than enough to render Red dead at Silver’s hands. Vacchio (18/21) was impressive, and definitely did his job in the losing effort, put Perks (14/14) was perfect, and you can’t win when the opposing goalie is perfect (it’s new math, I think). The win moves Silver to 2-0-0 with just ONE goal allowed so far. The loss drops Red to 0-2-0, with just ONE goal scored so far. These are two teams with very different trajectories through two weeks of play…but, ‘it’s still early’…

Time is a fickle force…sometimes it fans your face with the cool breeze of feathery fortune, and sometimes it just fucks you with a fencepost (as the nuns say). White and Royal Blue experienced both the ‘feathery’ and the ‘fuck’ side of time in Week Five, with the former definitely left feeling fortunate, and the latter, well…you know. It all started innocently enough, with Royal Blue jumping out to a 2-0 lead in the first, courtesy of Carl Vankoughnett (from Eric Herrmann and Nik Thompson), then Herrmann (from Vankoughnett). Steve Linke answered for White at 7:00 in the second (from Brennan Abel), but it was Herrmann again (from Vankoughnett and Greg Wirth) to restore the two goal lead less than a minute later. Abel closed the gap back down to 3-2 at 6:00 in the third (from Vance Morra and Captain Maureen Ruchhoeft), but it REALLY looked like that would hold as the final score, as the clock wound down the final seconds of play. Enter…utter chaos. With White pushing furiously for the tie, and Blue back on their heels, the action packed every tick and tock remaining on the dying clock. Linke loosed a shot with less than five seconds to play…save…FOUR…ball batted about…THREE…falls to Vance Morra…TWO…Morra handles the ball and moves into shooting position…ONE…fires….ZERO? The ball is in the net. The horn is…horning. Confusion reigns. Then the decision from the refs…it’s a good goal….it’s a last second (give or take) game-tying gasp-inducer…3-3 is your final…drive home safely. Needless to say, the hackles were immediately on high for Royal Blue, pleading for a fair application of the laws of space and time, while White could only wipe their collective brows, and thank that fickle force for finding a way to keep them out of the loss column. The one point swing will not likely make or break either team, but I (for one) am looking forward to a possible playoff rematch between these two…I will have my stopwatch and video at the ready.

Captain Kyra Forsyth and Tropical Blue picked up right where they left off prior to their Week Four bye. Unfortunately for them, where they left off was on the losing end of their first two games of the season. Olive rolled in to Week Five with a matching 0-2-0 record, setting up a ‘something has to give’ scenario that both teams hope would swing in their favor. What swung in Olive’s favor was the skilled scoring sense of veteran sniper, Josh Wirt. In fact, it was literally an all-Josh opposition squash in this one, as ‘The Other’ Josh, Josh Tran, staked Olive to an early lead (from Erin Dowrey) and Josh Wirt made it 2-0 (also from Dowrey) to close out the first. A scoreless second, and an early third period Nick Vacchio tally kept the drama in this one down the stretch, but Wirt dealt the dagger at 2:20, then added a pair of empty-netters for good measure to finish with four, and to finish off Tropical Blue, 5-1. Chuck Bender (7/8) was lightly used, but solid in a sub role for the still-injured Cory Brin, and the man really deserves a standing ovation for completing three games in nets in the same night, and finishing with a 2-0-1 record! Meanwhile, the Sean Kelly (18/21) mystery grows along with Tropical Blue’s woes, as Da Kid has hit a skid that has him wallowing in the way back of the goalie pack with the worst numbers (by far) we have seen from him to this point in his SDFHL HOF career. He will need to get right, and Tropical Blue will need to put up more of a fight if they hope to keep this sinking ship afloat much longer…