Cock Sure

Finals:

Captain Geoff Downes and ‘Little Cherry Seinfeld’ finished their flawless playoff run with a thrilling 3-0 win over upstart Purple. Silas Perks was once again the immovable object behind another championship team. Congratulations to Captain Downes and the rest of Red!
BACK ROW L=>R: (RJ Salt) Jon Salt, Justin Ker, Matt Rogers, Captain Geoff Downes, Maureen Ruchhoeft, Mark Ennsmann & Girls, Kevin Dinino’s head (DNP), Ralph Feuer FRONT ROW L=>R Christopher Fiore, Silas Perks (MVP), Kerri Sevenbergen

While most of us had a week (or two, or three, or four) to begin putting the Summer League 2023 in the ‘better luck next time’ mental file by the time the ides of October rolled around, Captain Geoff Downes’ Red, and Captain Sev Brown’s Purple were pumped and primed for the Final. The questions: Would Red hold serve and finish their postseason run with one Cup and no losses? Would Purple push the play to a second game, and maybe even edge the favorites in a double upset Cup coup? Which of the Salt Bros™ would have bragging rights at the Thanksgiving table? The answers: Yes. No. Jon. Captain Geoff Downes gave Red a 1-0 lead at 3:59 in the first, hammering a Matt Rogers’ point pass past the outstretched pad of Syd Costello, but neither goalie would allow anything further until late in the third. Unfortunately for Captain Brown and Purple, the ‘anything further late in the third’ came courtesy of Jon Salt, who converted a lead-doubling dagger on the power play with 1:37 to play in regulation (from Captain Downes). If you have somehow missed the memo…a two goal hole (especially a late two goal hole) is not something you climb out of with Silas Perks patrolling the perimeter. ‘The Silencer’ was perfect, stopping 22/22 to seal Purple’s fate, while Costello (22/24) was very sharp, but ultimately undone at the other end. Matt Rogers added an empty netter at 0:37 to (super) seal the deal, and Red finished what they started, dismissing the upstart six seeds, and capturing the Cup with a really well-played and well-earned 3-0 win. Congratulations to our Summer League 2023 champions, and congratulations to Purple for an inspired postseason surge that just came up short.

Supurple

Playoffs Week 4:

Captain Sev Brown’s ‘I’m An Eggplant’ knew coming into Week Four that they would need to knock off the two seed and the one seed to earn a chance to dance with the three seed and complete an improbable, and likely unprecedented title-snatching upset trifecta. Sure enough, Zach Salt led a successful ‘stun and done’ run through back-to-back bracket busters, setting up a Salt v Salt showdown in the Final, with the six seed Cinderellas hoping to cap their crazy Cup run with another pair of underdog overcomes…

I’m really sorry, gang, I am completely out of time and energy for recaps this week. Here are the short and sweet recaps:

Nick Vacchio continued his torrid summer campaign with a goal in the first and a second in the second, but Zach Salt and Luke Wolmer scored less than a minute apart in the latter half of the third, and Salt cashed in the game-winner just :32 into OT to complete the comeback coup and send Captain Tyler Winstead’s Olive to the elimination bin, 3-2.

Knocking off the two seed was stunning enough, but Purple would not rest on their lofty laurels against top-seeded Teal. It was POTW Zach Salt again to give Purple a 1-0 lead late in the first, and (incredibly enough) that was ALL of the scoring in this one. Chris Tran (17/17) was a fill-in phenom, recording the shutout, and outdueling Sean Kelly (17/18) to make the 1-0 lead the final score and send the Cinderalla six seeds on to a date with Red in the Summer League Final.

Toppled

Playoffs Week 3:

While still alive, and surely still ‘spectacular’, Captain Ryan Karns’ Teal stubbed a 2-0 toe in the Winners’ Bracket Final, with Red’s Salt & Silas Show™ shoving them aside for a spot in the big dance. If team ‘bountiful chest’ can pass a Week Four test against the winner of Olive and Purple, they will have their chance to bounce (and jiggle) back, and avoid a booby prize finish to a bodacious season.

You had to know that Captain Tyler Winstead’s Olive was going be a race car in the red in Week Three, after being (Salt) shaken off in a 4-3 OT loss to (aptly-colored) rival Red the week prior. Captain Carl Vankoughnett’s Yellow served as the first curve in Olive’s road to redemption, and the second seed took that curve at high speed, and handled like a dream. Wendy Enright (from Chris Tullio and Greg Wirth) hit the ignition for Olive at 9:22, but Mason LaGrossa brake checked matters with a solo effort three minutes later. Captain Winstead wrested the lead back for his crew on the power play (Vacchio) at 1:26, and Kyle Snyder cashed in at 0:50 to give the favorites a 3-1 lead coming out of the first. It was Snyder again on the power play late in the second to build the lead to three (from Enright), before Captain Carl cashed in at 0:23 to make it 4-2 through two. That would be the last ball past super sub Chris Tran (28/30), who did his long lost cousin, Don, proud and kept the road paved for more fast and furious Olive action in the third. Nick Vacchio continued his monster Summer 2023 campaign with his first of the playoffs at 7:21 (Snyder), and Craig Russell dissolved any remaining thread of Yellow hope with an empty-netter at 1:04 (Tullio and Winstead) to cap the 6-2 win for Olive, and send Yellow to the playoff pits. Captain Winstead’s crew must now complete a daring drive through both Purple and Teal to keep their checkered flag dreams in gear.

Captain Karns’ Teal lost just once in the regular season (a Week Nine WTF shocker to White), but a bounce back win over Olive to clinch the top seed, and a successful pair of playoff outings since had them on the verge of taking what seemed like their rightful and destined spot as the sitting team in the Summer League 2023 Final. While Teal’s roster is obviously (over) loaded, attendance has been a bit of a hitch, and the absence of Alan Razoky and John Boddy was definitely cause for concern coming into a match with a fully-staffed and steadily stout Red. Captain Geoff Downes’ had to feel good about his team’s chance of an upset, especially while taking warmups on his goalie, Silas ‘The Silencer’ Perks. If Sean Kelly (in nets at the other end) is the SDFHL goaltending GOAT, Perks is almost certainly the GOAT-to-be, having absolutely dominated in his short SDFHL span, including a .959/0.86/3 SO regular season line over the summer months. Something had to give in this titanic tilt, and Jon Salt gave his team a 1-0 lead at 5:19 in the first (from Captain Downes). Maureen Ruchhoeft doubled the lead later in the period (Salt and Justin Ker), and a 2-0 lead is typically a death sentence when facing The Silencer. A scoreless second bled into a scoreless third, as Perks did indeed punctuate that death sentence with a 21/21 shutout effort. Kelly was stellar (27/29) in his own right, allowing only the first period strikes, but you can’t win if you can’t score, and Red did all of the scoring in a tight 2-0 win for the three seed to send them on to the Final. Teal are now down, but they are far from out. Karns’ & Kompany will await the (tired and sweaty) winner of Olive v Purple, and they will be fully focused on bringing their flight to the Final to fruition, with the lure of revenge over Red providing any extra motivation they may need.

The Week Three slate shifted smoothly from blowout, to overtime thriller, to (spoiler alert) scintillating shootout showdown, as the lowest two remaining seeds sought to stave off elimination and get glass slipper shopping in earnest. Captain Sev Brown’s sixth-seeded side survived an upstart White in Week Two, after suffering a Salty loss to Red in Week One. Captain Zach Siemer’s Grey wiggled a win out of wild one with Yellow in their opener, then succumbed in the shootout after a nil-nil nothing burger run of play against Teal. With Syd Costello in her customary ‘anywhere but in nets for my SDFHL team’ position, it would be up to super sub Chris Tran, Zach ‘The Other’ Salt, and…perhaps a surprise hero(ine) to carry the day for Purple. Grey’s bench was nearly completely bare, with Bao Nguyen, Payam Sazegar, Tom Darlington, and Eric Willard all MIA, but where there’s a Kalen Hunter, there’s a way (as they old saying goes). Lo and behold, it was Hunter exerting his will, and leading the way for Grey at 6:27 in the first (from Dan Soar and Captain Siemer). Zach Salt would respond for Purple at 3:38 (from Ty Pereira), leaving things as tied as they were at the start going into the second. Captain Brown continued his incredible playoff scoring pace with his third of the postseason to give Purple a 2-1 lead at 3:08 in the second (from Salt), and the underdogs held that one goal upper hand into the third. First year standout, Dan Soar, evened the score at two apiece at 5:57 in the third, and neither Tran (17/19) nor the considerably-less-tested Matt Henderson (7/9) would allow anything more through regulation and overtime. On to the shootout, where a fourth round lamp-lighter from Rob LaVigne looked to have things signed and sealed for Grey. Enter Erin Plone, the afore-alluded-to Purple heroine. Plone was feeling it…to to the point where she reportedly called her shot to teammates before strutting to the line, striding in, and ripping the game-saving strike past Henderson! Janice Darlington channeled her AWOL husband, Tom, failing to match Plone’s effort to ice it for Grey, and Salt would not miss his second attempt in a sudden death sixth round. Captain Siemer had one last chance to keep his team alive, but Tran was equal to the task, and Purple (once again) found a way to prevail, this time in a 3-2 shootout scrape past Grey to move on to Week Four. Captain Brown’s brood face a near impossible double dare this Sunday, facing the top two regular season teams in a back-to-back gauntlet that will take everything they have and more to survive…

Cock Of The Walk

Playoffs Week 2:

So, apparently, ‘The Little Jerry’ is an episode that features Kramer buying a rooster to enter into cock fights, and he calls said cock ‘Little Jerry Seinfeld’ (for some reason). Sorry, fans of the show…I know this is painful exposition here…bear with me. Anyhooooo, Captain Geoff Downes’ namesake ‘Little Cherry Seinfeld’ knocked off the two seed in overtime to advance to a showdown with Teal in the Winners’ Bracket final, with a ticket to the big dance on the line. This is Perks v Kelly, Salt v Schlatter, and just all-around great team v all-around great team….Week Three of the playoffs is going to be clucking amazing!

The bottom seed in any playoff picture is expected to have an uphill battle just to survive an early exit, let alone make any real progress down the path to the promised (to someone else) land. That hill becomes a sheer, icy cliff when you remove the team’s biggest offensive weapon for the first two games of a double-elimination tournament. Captain Rob Gaudio’s gang fought valiantly in their playoff opener against top-seeded Teal, in spite of the absence of said scoring stalwart, Josh Wirt, but Teal’s weapons abound, and John Boddy ho-hummed a hat trick to bounce Blue to the the edge of elimination. Captain Carl Vankoughnett’s crew fell 3-2 in a fun and frantic first game, with #5 Grey producing the lone Week One upset to put Yellow in the same leaky boat as their Week Two opponent. With Wirt once again out of the lineup for Blue, and Yellow benefiting from a fairly sizeable upgrade in nets, it looked like the higher seed would be rowing on to higher seas with relative ease. Jim LaGrossa put the favorites in front late in the first (from Brennan Abel), Captain Carl doubled the lead early in the second (from Elyse Shattuck), and Abel made it 3-0 Yellow early in the third (Arnold Gonzales). All hope seemed lost for Blue, who were heavily outshot and outplayed throughout, but Captain Rob was not going down without a fight. He broke the shutout at 7:49 in the third (from Bryan Ossa), then cut the lead to one at 6:17 (Tim Hamon) to give Blue more than a glimmer of hope with ample time on the clock. Alas, Nick Meglich (7/9) did not see much from there out in his fill-in stint for Jon Cima, and Chris Tran (25/28) was too busy being bundled in goalie gear and saving sizzling shots to score a tying goal for his side (slacker). Captain Carl ultimately iced this one with an empty netter (Abel), capping a 4-2 win for his side, and popping a cap in Blue’s playoff ass in the process. Yellow must now gear up to face their first higher-seeded opponent, the highly-motivated and high-octane Olive. The regular season matchup between these two was way back in Week One, and…well…a lot of goals were scored. Olive prevailed 8-5 back in late June, but this is early October, and months matter…(I have no idea what that means…just sounded cool, I guess).

Isn’t it just the way with life…you scratch and bite and scrape and scrimp to make it, and just when you’re walking through that door to your goal…SLAM! I mean, my recent SDFHL life has been more like standing shivering in the freezing cold, looking through a frosted window at playoff teams feasting and singing happy songs around the fire, but…I digress. Captain Sean Bathgate’s ‘Puffy White Shirts’ are the ones in the door metaphor…rising from the dead (1-5-1 with two games to go) to pull off back-to-back must-wins and make the playoffs as the seven seed. SLAM…a 5-2 opening loss to powerhouse Olive…but the door to the Cup lay still slightly ajar as they regrouped to face partners in parity, Purple. The two met in one of the wildest, most entertaining games of the season in Week Six, with a last minute Ty Pereira strike putting Purple over the top, 5-4. Captain Sev Brown’s ‘I’m An Eggplant’ experienced a more subtle, polite door closing in their opener, with Red’s Jon prevailing over Purple’s Zach 3-2 in another installment of The Salt Shaker™. So…one door…two teams…both hoping to be the slammer and not the slammee. Captain Sev Brown grabbed the knob first (TWSS) at 8:50 in the first (from Trice Harvey and Erin Plone), both teams were jambed up from their until the latter half of the third. That’s when Captain Brown struck again (Pone and Zach Salt), “a sweet backhand by Sev on a ball that found him by himself in front, top shelf over the glove” (so says my secret on-site source) to give his team a 2-0 lead and really ready the slamming hand with time running down. Chris Tran (13/13) did the other half of the slamming honors, exorcising his Blue demons in a sub shift for the ever AWOL Syd Costello, and helping Purple to a 2-0 elimination win over White. Captain Bathgate & Company…you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is…never try. When one door slams, another swings open, and Purple will hope to pilot through another portal and avenge a 5-2 Week One regular season loss to Grey this Sunday.

Week Two of the playoffs typically features at least one heavyweight matchup…and this was it. Two of the top regular season teams…tons of scoring and playmaking on both sides…two outstanding goalies…this was THE game to see. As mammoth as this matchup was, and as much as it looked to meet or exceed the on-paper hype, I’m honestly a bit weary of typing up these recaps this season, especially after another clunker campaign for my team. So…I am going to lean on the words of my secret on-site source to tell the tale of Red v Olive. Maureen Ruchhoeft (from Captain Geoff Downes) put Red in front bright and early at 8:36 with “a put-back off a rebound, after she just missed moments earlier with a wrister”. Greg Wirth (from Alexis DaCosta and Wendy Enright) equalized for the two seeds less than a minute later, with our reporter, well, reporting “I thought the second goal was Alexis, so I was surprised to see Wirth here, but…this was a wild and lengthy scramble around the net that he eventually poked in”. Mark Ennsmann opened the scoring in the middle period on “a breakaway…looked like he went five hole” (from Captain Downes). Kyle Snyder knotted things at twos later in the second (from Wirth), with a “goal that was like most…he burst by the defense, cut in to goal front, and put it by Silas”. “Alexis’ goal (from Captain Tyler Winstead and Chris Tullio) was from in close after a failed clearance. It looked like it was deflected off the defender’s stick and over Silas’ shoulder” to give Olive their first lead, 3-2. Enter, Jon Salt. “His first goal was a quick shot from inside the yellow, dead middle after a turnover at the red line by Olive while trying to carry the ball out of their zone. He beat Matt low to the stick side” to tie this thriller at three apiece with 3:18 to play. Both Matt Henderson, (20/24) in a fine fill in foray for Don Tran, and Silas Perks (17/20) kept the balls at bay through the remainder of regulation when…re-enter, Jon Salt: “His OT goal was a failed sky ball clear by Olive, dished to Salt who had a tough angle on the right side (about at the top outside of the faceoff circle) and looked like a wrister high past the glove”…that’s the game…4-3 Red in an overtime thriller that was all it was cracked up to be. I always love hearing that a great game featured great sportsmanship, and our reporter confirms that this one was a “very even game…clean…back and forth”. Both teams remain alive in the playoff picture with Red looking to punch their ticket to the final Sunday in a showdown with top bananas, Teal, and Olive hoping to stay alive and un-alive Yellow in their first Losers’ Bracket battle.

Captain Ryan Karns’ Teal may well be one of the biggest ’embarrassment of riches’ rosters the league has ever seen. Legendary, shutdown goalie…check. Ridonkulously swift and skilled strikers…double check. Gritty veteran defense with a Calgarian cannon ready and aimed…check. Great supporting cast…check. Captain Zach Siemer’s Grey is no sack of potatoes, either, so you figured your ticket price to this one would pay off in at least a few highlight reel goals and high fives….NOPE. It was a goalie duel from ball drop to final tick tock, with Sean Kelly (26/26) doing (surprisingly) more than twice the work at his end through regulation and overtime. Perfect is perfect, though, and Matt Henderson was half as harried, but equally flawless, stopping 12/12 to force the first shootout scenario of the Summer League 2023 playoffs. In spite of the lack of scoring, it all sounds like a great game to me. Our reporter disagrees, calling it a ‘snoozefest’, and sputtering out a few brief chunks of color such as “Grey had the most shots, but most were of the easy-to-stop variety. Sean did make some really nice saves during scrambles near the net, though”, and “Schlatter hit two pipes during regulation…it was mostly him going one on three, and he was pretty good at it, to be honest…but Grey’s defense was strong.” Whatever the opinion of the level of play through regulation and overtime, it was on to the shootout, where “Alan’s goal was low stick side corner” and “Janet’s clincher I completely missed! (though, there was a recording by Nadia)”. Really, secret reporter…you missed the best part? I’ll see if I can get that footage to share with you all, but I can confirm that Alan Razoky and Janet Goins were the only two scorers in the shootout, which meant that Teal prevailed 1-0 to advance to the Winners’ Bracket finals on the unbreakable back of POTW honoree, Sean Kelly. A matchup of Teal and Red is a surefire sizzler, especially as these teams tied 3-3 back in Week Four of regular season play. That is definitely the game to watch this Sunday, but Grey will be watching the waning moments of that one before warming up to defend their playoff lives against Purple. Two more teams will be thrown on the scrap heap this week, and one team will earn a Week Four bye and a trip to the big dance…don’t miss it!

Back To Work

Playoffs Week 1:

See…I know almost nothing about Seinfeld, and I have struggled all season with these front page updates as a result. I had no idea what to use as an image/theme for the first week of playoffs, so I just thought ‘Olive’s win was pretty impressive’, then searched ‘Seinfeld olive’. I learned that that lady in this image is Olive, a cashier at Monk’s Cafe, where the gang (apparently) routinely hangs. She (apparently) ended up dating Kramer because she had long fingernails, and she scratched his itchy back really well. So…’back’ to work…Olive rebounding after a loss to close out their regular season…itchy back…to work…with long nails…*sigh*…I am really, really over this season theme…

The playoff parade popped off with a meeting in the middle of the pack between #4 Yellow and #5 Grey. Captain Vankoughnett & Company looked to replicate their Week Seven regular season 3-1 winning result, while Captain Zach Siemer’s crew hoped to avenge that loss and ‘win when it counts’. It was all Grey in the first, with Kalen Hunter doing what he always does…finding twine (from Captain Siemer and Bao Nguyen) to give Grey the early edge, then Bao Nguyen doing what he very rarely does and scoring one of his own (from Hunter) to put Grey up two through one. Brennan Abel matched his Young Canuck™ counterpart’s scoring effort with a solo strike in the second, but the hottest player in the league, Tom Darlington (who else), put Grey back up two midway through the third (from Dan Soar and Hunter). Captain Vankoughnett kept his troops focused and fighting to the end, and his goal at 3:11 (Scott Wieland and Jim LaGrossa) kept the heat on Matt Henderson and Grey down to the wire. Henderson (11/13) and his mates would hold on for the 3-2 win to kick off the second season with an upset (albeit, the smallest of upsets). Jon Cima (11/14) was saddled with the loss for Yellow, who now find themselves on the verge of elimination, with their (potential) road to redemption beginning in the early game this Sunday against bottom-seeded Blue. With respect to Mr. Cima, Yellow will benefit from an upgrade in nets in his absence in Week Two, with Nick Meglich stepping in to show down and throw down with veteran stalwart, Chris Tran. Yellow prevailed in the Week Three match with Blue, though Captain Rob Gaudio’s absence adds a bit of an asterisk on that result. There is no rest for the winners, as Grey advance to the treacherous Teal territory in their first Winners Bracket bout. They will need an A+ game from Henderson, some typical scoring punch from Hunter, and perhaps another rare gem goal from the likes of Nguyen and (Tom…the inferior) Darlington if they hope to start glass slipper shopping in earnest.

Maybe it’s just me, but it feels like Kyle Snyder can basically just decide how much damage he wants to do in a given game…the just go out and get what he wants. That’s a scary super power to have, especially come playoff time, and White’s miraculous late push to even make the playoffs was rewarded with a date with the ‘Snyborg’. Joe Malki put White in front first at 7:54, but Chris Tullio responded just fourteen seconds later (from Snyder), and Snyder cashed in on the power play to give the second seed the lead going into the second. Snyder’s second of the game (from Craig Russell) stood as the lone goal of the second, and the word from our on-site reporter (Don Tran) is that Russell blocked a shot on a ‘gaping net’, which led to the play going the other way for the Snyder score…kudos, Mr. Russell! Mostafa Azab provided the lone White response to that third Olive goal early in the third, then it was Snyder again to restore the two goal edge at 5:41 (from Tullio and Greg Francisco), and Snyder one more time into the empty net to complete his predetermined/programmed output of 4 and 1, and lead Olive to a convincing 5-2 win over White to open their playoff run. Don Tran (13/15) continued his run of solid to stellar play in nets in the win, while Sean Kelly (17/21) took solace in the fact that this loss would not count towards his record, nor that of White’s rostered goalie, Nick Meglich. Olive advance to the Winners’ Bracket to face a dangerous Red side, while White look to stave off elimination against Purple in a battle of six and seven.

Math is hard, but the likelihood of an eight seed stunning a one seed is a percentage approaching zero…even in this league, where a (relatively) small regular season sample size and attendance variables can leave pundits puzzling. Still…anything is (technically) possible, and in this case, the probable proved the most possible. Despite the scorekeepers best efforts to marginalize his contributions, John Boddy was the star of the Teal show in this one. His first period goal (from Joel Gattey) would be all that Sean Kelly (18/18) would need to lock in a win for the top dogs. A pair of second period Boddy shots, the first from Gattey and Nadia Connolly, and a solo effort on the hat trick tally, capped the 3-0 winning outing for Captain Ryan Karns’ and crew. Chris Tran (26/29) had his valiant effort wasted, with Blue’s depleted roster (Bryan Ossa, Shawna Hamon, Tim Hamon, and Josh Wirt all out) unable to put anything past a poised and ready Sean Kelly. It’s frightening to think what Teal will do with the likes of David Schlatter back in the lineup this Sunday…this is what keeps their Week Two opponent, Grey, up tossing and turning Saturday night. Captain Rob Gaudio and Blue will need all of their weapons on the court, and a strong effort from all involved if they hope to knock off Yellow and live to see another Sunday in the Losers’ Bracket.

It’s been a while since we had a Salt Bros™ showdown. It seems like each of the last three possible clashes between the league’s resident super siblings has been short circuited by one of the other brother being injured or away. Captain Geoff Downes’ Red prevailed over a Zach-less Purple 4-2 back in Week Seven, but Zach AND Jon would finally make it to the rink to renew their brotherly love in the night cap of the Week One playoff slate. A scoreless first had the tension building, as both sides wondered which Salt would shake one home first. The answer came early in the second, as Jon put Red in front (from Captain Downes), but Zach responded less than two minutes later (from Luke Wolmer and Trice Harvey) to even the score at ones. Wolmer turned a Zach Salt pass into pay dirt on the power play later in the period, leaving the six seeds primed for an upset (and Zach primed for brotherly bragging rights) going into the third. Alas, it was Jon who would have the next laugh, and the last laugh, knotting the score at 2-2 with 4:50 to play (Downes), then notching the game-winner/hat-trick-completer at 3:59 to give Red a 3-2 lead they would never relinquish. By all accounts, it was another sublime (albeit, losing) effort from Purple’s Syd Costello (24/27), proving that the elder Salt’s shot really is (almost) unstoppable. It was another ho-hum winning effort from Silas Perks (14/16) at the other end…with both the ‘ho’ and the ‘hum’ being a result of his ridiculous prowess, rather than a source of shade to Zach, Luke, and the rest of Purple’s offense…dude is just amazing. Purple will look to stay alive in the playoffs against upstart seven seeds, White, while Red face a tough challenge in Olive in what I am billing as the Week Two ‘game of the week’.